Magnum Opus

Well, here it is: My magnum opus. As you can tell from the picture I am really quite done with it altogether. (You can also tell I need a new haircut, but that's a different story) Anyway, I promised to post it and explain what a magnum opus is so here it is.
Ahem, magnum opus is latin for "great work" and signifies one's great accomplishment. An example of this can be found in the book (or movie) "Charlotte's Web", in which Charlotte the spider explains to Wilbur the pig that she has just finished her magnum opus, which in her case is her eggsack, from which her little spider children will hatch in the spring. A better (and much less icky) example could be found in Braden David Peterson, the magnum opus of Justin and Elise Peterson, who was born on Sunday. See exhibit A.

Exhibit A

He's so cute. Much cuter than my magnum opus, but probably even more time consuming, so I will just be content with mine for now: ) Congratulations guys, by the way :)

Anyway, for those of you who don't know, I am majoring in Community Health Education and one of the requirements is a class called Death by Planning. (Though the University of course uses the more technical title of Planning and Evaluation for Health Promotion Programs. Don't be fooled. The first desciption is better.) The class requires that you work with a group of peers to gather primary and secondary research on a given topic and population, in our case bullying among second and third graders. Then you have to develop an intervention program to combat the problem and implement it in a local school. Then you have to evaluate it approximately 87 different ways and say what you learned from all of it. This is then written up and repeated 486.2 different ways until you want to poke your own eyes out, or bully your teacher. I can't even really explain how much work was required for all this but just know that it was by far the most labor intensive class I have ever taken. So now its over and what do I have to show for it? Well, exhibits B and C, basically.

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

I was going to try to post a link so you everybody could read all hundred and ridiculous pages of it but 1) I don't know a quick way to do that, 2) I am so done with this project that I don't even have the energy to burn it, and 3) yeah right, like anybody would want to read it. Even I find it tedious! So hopefully the pictures will suffice.

And lest you think this is a desperate ploy on my part for some sympathy, which it is not, (yeah right, we know it really is:), let me tell you a few good things to come out of all of it.

First, I passed the class. YEAH! (On a sidenote, I think I have never been so disappointed with an A- in my life, but only because I was taking 18 credits and got straight A's in ALL my other classes so I would have had a 4.0 for the first time in my college career. How cool would that have been?! But I digress, and really I can't complain about an A-)

Second, it is one of those experiences that, while difficult and time consuming, I know will pay off in the long run and I really did learn a lot from it. And I know it will be really helpful in my career, when I have one.

Third, the group that I worked with was awesome and we all got along really well and became good friends.

And fourth, its over!!!! YAY!!!! And so is this post. Double YAY!

(Oh, except to say that I changed the template and I must say I quite like it. And I even figured out, and input some of the HTML codes for the colors by myself because blogger kept telling me there was an error when I tried to download it. So I am pretty proud of myself and I think I will never ever ever change it again. Ever.

Also, if you are still reading this post, I added a bookshelf widget (look at me and my technical terms. You would almost think I knew what I was talking about:) of some of the books I have read recently and most of them I would reccommend. (The main exception is Garbage Land but I will write more about that later in my much anticipated (yeah, right) post about recycling and edible cups) So if you are looking for some good material take a look. And if you have any great books that you have read recently leave me a comment because I am always on the lookout for a new one.)

And now I am really done. Really. So, bye.

Betcha Didn't Know

Some of you may have already seen this video before but I think it is super cool so I am posting it here. (Pat on the back goes to me for figuring out how to do that instead of telling you to just look it up yourself:) Anyway, if you enjoy random information as much as I do then this video is for you. Enjoy!
Also, I don't really know what the ending means or is trying to say so don't let it freak you out too much.
And since Christmas break is coming up and I actually have time to breath, be on the lookout for posts about hated hymns(and some not so hated ones too. I'm not completely evil), edible cups and the complete incomprehensibleness of people's ineptitude at recycling, dough based products and other biased views, books worth reading, and a link to my magnum opus. Props to you if you know what a magnum opus is and double props if you only know it because of Charlotte's Web. Paz afuera!

Forward This To Everyone You Know!!!

To: Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Friends, Siblings, Coworkers, College Roommates, Cousins, Second Cousins, Hairdresser, Tom, Dick, Harry, etc.
Subject: IMPORTANT!!!!! Forward attached

To Whom it may concern:

The email you are receiving was forwarded to you by someone who cares about you. They care so much in fact that they were willing to take .05 seconds out of their busy life to put a check mark next to your name in their contact list to send it to you. If you care about your loved ones at all you will do the same and forward it to everyone you know, three times if you really love them. Don't waste time deleting all the previous forwards so that they don't have to open 15 boxes to get to this email. This is urgent and if they really love you they won't mind opening those anyway. In fact they will probably think of you each time they open another box to get to the one you sent and think what a wonderful and caring friend you are.
If you don't do the same and forward it to every contact in your address book you are basically saying that you hate your mom, America, and puppies. And we all know that only the Anti-Christ (Aka Obama if you are the type of person to send this email) is that evil.
Each time this email is forwarded a penny goes to People Approving Rubbish and Crud (PARC). (That's Crap spelled backwards), an organization dedicated to the continuation of mushy, sappy, guilt-inducing, irritating email forwards and other important causes.
If this is not enough incentive for you to forward this email to everyone you know please consider the case of the woman who neglected to do so and later that night had her finger cut off by a thug as part of a gang initiation.
On the other hand you should also consider the case of the woman who forwarded this email to everyone she knew and not ten seconds later her doorbell rang and it was the prize patrol, coming to give her a check for 10 billion dollars!!!!!
So don't take any chances. Start forwarding!
-someone who loves you

Ok, just a few points of clarification. No I have not received any annoying forwarded emails lately, but my family has and has had a hard time deciding what to do about them. So I decided to create an email for them to forward and thought that I would post it here in case any of you would like to read (or forward) it. If you just read the above email and were confused because you like getting or sending forwarded messages may I calmly suggest that you check out another blog. Something along the lines of angelsamongus.blogspot.com, iluvjesus.blogspot.com or rainbowsandpuppies.blogspot.com. Just a thought.
For the rest of you I would like to clarify that I in no way think that Barack Obama is the Anti-Christ. In fact, much to the chagrin of my mother, I voted for him in this last election. (Calm down, I have known for a long time that I am going to hell, so I'm not worried, and furthermore, I live in Utah. McCain got all of our votes anyway. Now Breathe)
And finally, if I have otherwise offended you with this post I apologize profusely. Though I do question how we have managed to be friends so far if you find this post offensive. I mean, this is pretty benign in comparison to some of my other opinions (such as my hatred for certain LDS hymns *cough Kolob cough*) Like I said, I know I am going to be a long while in purgatory for some of these opinions. But at least I will be among friends:)

Various Items of Business

I have no time for this but I feel the need to update my blog anyway. LAME! So we will keep this short and simple just to let you know I am alive and what I am working on.

• I tried to change the template to my blog. Bad idea. Not only do I not have time to go messing with this but I also neglected to save the original template so some of the stuff was lost. Sorry for the inconvenience.
• I am shamelessly soliciting favors. So if anyone finds a nice three column blog template that I can use please let me know. I was thinking red would be nice, since green is getting a bit boring. Oooh or maybe somebody can create a template that automatically changes colors everyday. That would be cool. (And if it printed coupons for free ice cream...)
• I am also looking for an internship in health education to take place this summer. I would like to go out of the country and not go broke in the process. I speak enough spanish to get by so latin American countries are in, as well as Africa. If you all could get on that, that would significantly reduce my stress levels. I need 400 hours, I already have a passport, and it has to be in community health education. Please report back to me by December. Thank you.
• I am running out of creativity. As evidenced by the boringness of this post I have nothing funny to say, or even interesting about my own life. It is all work and school and its true what they say about those things making you a dull person. Once again, sorry for the inconvenience. (Maybe they should put that on my grave when I keel over)
• Despite high levels of stress I am indeed coping ok and I don't think you will need to start engraving the headstone any time soon. Unless you can't find me an internship and then you had better start working on your own. Wait...I mean...uh, keep up the good work! Go team!
• I have not been asked any questions lately, at least not directly, but that may not be such a bad thing, seeing as how I really don't have time to answer them. But a while back one of my teachers used the term "rule of thumb" and then asked nobody in particular where that phrase came from. Well, for your learning and edification I found the answer. There are two really, but one is far more entertaining than the other. The legend is that it came from a judge in England way back when who regulated that a man could legally beat his wife with a stick as long as said stick was no larger than the circumference of his thumb. Hence, the rule of thumb.
• The second (and more likely, since no such law has ever been found in the records) story is that people have always used body parts to measure things, the thumb being one of them. Incidentally, this is why we Americans have such an odd way of measuring things. We never adopted the metric system because even though it is orderly it doesn't rely on comparisons of things we understand the way our system does. Sure there are 1,000 milliliters in a liter (man, I really hope thats right and doesn't expose me as an ignorant American), but how many thumbs are there? (Hopefully none as that would violate health codes. Gross)
• Here is a question for all of you. How do we forget things? I mean, I understand how, but when we have a memory and then we "lose" it, where does it go? It's not like it physically leaves our brains. Is it just like our bedrooms where certain items get misplaced and fall behind the bed and sit there for years collecting dust until we clean things out and find it again? Or is it more like socks in the dryer that don't get misplaced but are sucked into a vortex into another time and place? (We all know this is true and are just waiting for science to catch up. Too bad they are so hung up on the whole evolution thing instead. I am much more interested in finding the land of many socks, myself) Your thoughts will be appreciated. (Until I forget them...)
• Vote. Yes, that is important and it is coming up in two weeks. You can actually participate in early voting as well that has already begun in most places.
• DON'T VOTE FOR... ha, just kidding. I am not the media so I will assume you all have brains and can use them to determine which candidates are best. Just remember that "if you don't vote you're a moron."
• Somebody should offer a course in shorthand. That would be so unbelievably useful.
• Also, after you have finished all those tasks, if you could start a petition to rid the world of daylight savings time that would be great. I would be the first to sign it.
• Ok. Well, thats about all from me. Thanks for listening and I am looking forward to your contributions, especially finding that internship. Have a lovely day.

Mmmm Tasty

So I have always known that college students don't really have the best diets. They don't talk about the "freshman 15" (or 20 as the case may be) for nothing. But there is one thing I was surprised to see a college student eating on his way to class one morning: Ramen noodles. I know what you're thinking. Um Linds, do you really go to college? Does the reason you don't have a degree yet have anything to do with your inability to see the obvious? (Well, actually, I do have a problem with seeing the obvious but that is beside the point.) No, Ramen noodles are not an unusual site on college campuses (I very nearly tried to pluralize that as campusii... there's another sign I've been here too long). No, I even enjoy the occasional Ramen noodles myself. I just like to COOK mine before eating them!!!! (At least in public). So I had to do a double take when I passed a kid who was eating a package of ramen noodles straight from the bag on his way to class. It was the funniest thing I have seen all week and I find humor in everything! Had I been thinking clearly I would have asked him if he needed a can opener for the cold spaghettios he probably had in his backpack. That's ok, I don't eat death in a can myself, especially not cold, (sorry if you actually like spaghettios) so I wouldn't have had a can opener anyway.
Anyway, it was the most random and surprising discovery I have made in awhile because I honestly had no idea people still ate raw ramen noodles after puberty, and had certainly never seen it done in public. To each his own I guess. Bon appetite!

Super Quick Tag

Sooooo... I have been"tagged." And while I contemplated ignoring the tag because I really think it is going to be boring for everyone to read, I decided that if I had attempted to do that on the playground in elementary school I would have quickly run out of friends. And I would like to avoid that at this point.
However, I am really short on time and not very creative so while I am attempting to answer the 8 is great tag if I can't think of 8 things I am just going to do the mathematically impossible and say that there are 8 even if you cant see them. I'm sorry but I think if mathematicians can tell you that you have two apples and then multiply them by zero and take away your apples so you have none and say that that makes sense, then I can make up my own numbering system and pretend that it all adds up to 8. Also, brownie points to anyone who can explain the zero times anything is zero concept in plain english to me. Ive been working on it since third grade and it still makes NO sense!
All right, here we go
8 things I am passionate about:
1. My family
2. Learning anything and everything I can
3. Africa (actually, seeing the whole world in general)
4. The Gospel
5. Solving world problems (not that I have done that...)
6. Education (my own, but especially to people who have none)
7. Health/Medicine/The Human body
8. Understanding the world in which I live

8 Phrases I say a lot
1. LAME!!!
2. What the Lame?
3. Good grief/ good goodness
4. Soooooo
5. Surely
6. I know
And two that I would like to adopt but never do:
7. Love (calling people that, like "Thanks love")(But I have a fear that this would somehow come back and bite me in the butt and really embarass me. Like if I said it to a professor or something. Bad news)
8. Swear to Buddha (Same reason as above. I would likely offend the Dalai Lama or something)

8 Things I want to do before I die
Uh, how about just if I had all the time and money in the world instead?
1. Be a doctor
2. Hike the Subway in Zions National Park
3. Scuba dive
4. Learn more languages (really obscure ones too, like Shona, or Hmong)
5. Teach health in Africa
6. Understand Chemistry
7. Witness the death of Facebook
8. Be the host of Scientific American Frontiers (If anyone knows Alan Alda, please give him my number:)

8 Things I have learned from my past
1. Whatever experiences you have you can learn from
2. Eggs WILL explode in the microwave (please don't try this, I am already responsible for the deaths of too many microwaves and I promise it is true, and messy)
3. It rains on everybody in Seattle but there are still happy people there. In other words, we are ultimately responsible for our own happiness.
4. It is better to try to understand somebody than to just judge them (harder, but better)
5. Not deciding is not a decision (not a good one anyway)
6. You are the only one who holds yourself back from achieving whatever it is you want.
7. Even if people get away with a certain behavior all the time, you will get caught the one time you do it. Especially if you are a responsible person
8. God has a wicked sense of humor. Have you seen the platypus? But He also laughs with you, not at you.

8 Places I want to go
Well, we could just sum this up quickly and say the whole world, but...
1. Africa (Botswana especially)
2. The Seychelles
3. Christmas Island during the crab migration
4. Anywhere that I could see the Aurora Borealis
5. Spain
6. New York City
7. Afghanistan
8. India
8. Taiwan, Ecuador, The Canary Islands....

8 Things I currently need or want
1. Piano lessons
2. A laptop
3. Someone to do my homework for me
4. For daylight savings time to cease to exist
5. a mental floss T shirt
6. to be graduated
7. to be able to take my dog with me to school
8. for more people to believe in global warming (seriously, do we have to wait till our skin melts off our faces to believe it? Ok thats the subject for another post...)
Yeah, those are mostly wants.... but if you want to get me any of them my birthday is coming up.....

8 people I tag
Ok so apparently a lot more people read my blog than what I know about. So if you are one of them I tag you! Leave me a link in the comments and I will check out your blog:)
So there you have it. I now consider myself vaccinated against future tag outbreaks and hereby declare my immunity. I promise my next post will be more interesting (if you find rants about recycling interesting that is...)
Que thanks Bye!

Still Learning

Hey so I wanted to post a video from Youtube here, but to do so I have to sign up for an account and remember yet another password, and quite frankly I just don't have the energy or patience for it. But if you have enough energy to look up the following video on Youtube and about 8 minutes of patience I promise you won't be disappointed. I rarely watch this show because its on so late but when I do I laugh hysterically. The accent doesn't hurt either. Anyway, check out the following video: Craig Ferguson, "If you don't vote, you're a moron"
You can also just follow this link if you don't have quite that much patience: http://www.misscellania.com/miss-cellania/2008/9/12/if-you-dont-vote-youre-a-moron.html
Enjoy!

shrtned wrds

That's "shortened words" in the title, natch. (And if you didn't know, natch is short for naturally, of course!)
I got a question from Elise a while ago about a word that frequently popped up in her cross word puzzles. I had never heard it before and so was interested to learn about its meaning and background.
The word is "plaint" and I have a 'plaint of my own about it. Namely, it is not a word!!!! Its just a shortened word! Short for "complaint"! If only there were a customer service department for the English language I would be first in line to COMplain. (Notice I didn't say "plain" even though that is the shortened form of the word and it is now apparently acceptable to shorten words to your hearts content.)
RIDICULOUS!
Anyway, I was rather disappointed about this definition. Here i was all excited to see what new word I would learn and where it originated and all I get was this ghetto slang version of "complaint". Actually even ghetto slang is cooler than that. This was more like baby talk only not so cute because there wasn't a cute baby saying it. More like a crazy companion I had on the mission who spoke in baby talk every day despite the fact that she was 24!!!
Ok, I have calmed down. Happy thoughts. But all this did get me thinking. Sometimes I wish there were a customer service department for the English language. Though probably if there were it would be so busy that you would be put on hold for years at a time listening to a recording about the proper diagramming of sentences and the difference between your and you're (which really some of us could use a refresher course on...)
At any rate I know what my first order of business would be if there were a customer service department for English. And no it is not the shortening of words, though that would be on the list as well. My first order of business would be to ban the use of the word "impregnable."
Ugh, just writing it makes me cringe. I hate that word. I can't even explain why. Its just such a dumb, yucky, unnecessary word. Especially because it never refers to anything living (though truthfully I am glad of that as I would probably hate it even more if it did). People talk about a castle being impregnable. Well duh! Its made of rocks! I don't know what you were expecting here but basic biology could have probably enlightened you on this one had you let it penetrate your thick head, much like you are trying to penetrate the stupid castle. You know, the impenetrable one! Really, is the other word even necessary?
Another word I hate, but for different reasons, is pooch. Now quickly, what is the first thing that comes to mind when i use that word? It should be dog. That's what a pooch is. A small furry animal that brings joy or allergies into your life. Recently however some people have been using it to refer to the overdeveloped region around their abdomens. May I ask that you please refrain from doing so in my presence unless you happen to be holding a small dog near your middle? Because the name of the area you are referring to is called your gut. Beer belly, spare tire, muffin top, flab and love handles are also acceptable substitutions. Pooch is not.
I think this may have started because people were thinking it was a poofy area of the body but couldn't call it a poof because that word has a lighter connotation, like a cloud. And the gut, at least mine, is not poofy like a cloud:) They also couldn't use pouch, because kangaroos have those on their guts but not the rest of us (I hope!) So instead they decided to commandeer the word pooch and apply it to their flabby midsections. Not cool. The word is now ruined for me because even if somebody uses it to refer to a dog all I can think about is Uncle Joe's flabby midsection hanging over his pants. Gross.
So there is my rant for the day. Please feel free to share with me any words that you think really must go. Perhaps we can call customer service together and get them abolished. Right after we finish diagramming those sentences:)

This Post Rocks

Or rather, this post is about rocks. More specifically about the entertainment value of rocks. You see, a while back Brittany asked me if I would know, theoretically what one would need to do if one wanted to paint rocks. And as luck would have it I do. And I have nothing more interesting to write about at this time. I guess I could write about starting school again but really all there is to say is that 18 credits is ALOT and that I will be done in the summer. So you get to hear about rocks.
For those of you who don't know, for my 20th birthday my roommates and I had a rock painting party where we painted phrases on rocks then secretly scattered them around campus. It turned out to be one of the most random and fun birthday parties I have ever had and walking around campus the next day seeing our handiwork and people's reactions was even more awesome. ("Dude, its another one of those rocks!") Most of them were picked up after a day or two but the next spring walking past the library I saw an orange one that had been overlooked after the first snow and lasted the winter.
I had never given much thought to painting rocks or how random it might be, but since that time, painted rocks have been a recurring theme in my life so I thought I would share a few stories with you.
My first memory of painting rocks comes from primary where our teachers had us paint prayer rocks. The idea was to put the rock under your pillow (or so I thought) so that when you went to bed you would feel the rock underneath and remember to say your prayers. In actuality the idea was probably to put the rock on top of your pillow so that you would see it and remember to say your prayers. This turned out to be an unfortunate mix up as the rock that I painted was roughly the size of a football and significantly heavier. Contrary to what I thought, the rock would not just feel slightly uncomfortable under your pillow but would in fact inflict serious pain to your skull if you had forgotten it was there. Which I did. And nearly gave myself a concussion one night as I dove into bed. I don't remember what happened to that rock (actually there are a lot of things about that time that I don't remember....) but it never did find its way under my pillow again.
You might think that painting rocks would be a sort of juvenile activity and I would probably have agreed with you. So I was surprised to find myself painting rocks once again on my mission in Seattle, at the request of the ward mission leader. He wanted us to give out "reference rocks" (not reverence rocks) to the families in our branch. The idea was to gather some big heavy rocks, paint them hideously and give them to members with the instruction that the only way to rid themselves of said rocks was to give the missionaries a reference of somebody we could teach. I was a little surprised but very glad that I had all the necessary skills for painting rocks.
First we gathered them, and don't worry we did that in full missionary gear- three sisters in skirts and dress shoes lugging rocks into the back of a Toyota Corolla. Then we lugged them up the stairs into our apartment. Well, actually we just tried to do that but we were laughing so hard that we had to stop halfway up and our Russian speaking neighbor who probably thought that we were crazy anyway had to help us drag them up the rest of the way. It was one of those times that I really really wished that I spoke Russian. (Though at the same time I am not really sure there would have been a satisfactory explanation anyway.) Once we were safely in our apartment, with the 75 pound box of rocks we proceeded to wash them in the bathtub with old toothbrushes and then to lay them out on the tiny balcony to dry.
Next came the painting part which we did with spray paint. Construction Cone Orange spray paint. It was about the ugliest color we could think of and made for some pretty hideous rocks. We used magic marker to write "Reference Rock" on them along with a scripture reference and proceeded to give them out to the members.
I ended my mission a few weeks later so I never saw any of the rocks come back with references but always assumed the best had happened. Though upon further reflection I realize that orange may not have been the ugliest color we could have come up with. In fact, a lot of hispanic people really like bright colors, including orange, so the rocks we thought were so hideous may not have had universal Un-appeal. They may even have made great decorative prayer rocks:)
So there you go. Everything I know about painting rocks. You can also use regular craft paint and the best rocks to paint are smooth flat ones. And you can get pretty creative with the messages. Heck you could even set them on the steps of Old Main to propose to your girlfriend:)
Incidentally, since I have become an expert in this medium I have decided to move on to other art forms so if anyone hears of any glass blowing classes please let me know:)

Home Again

So (do you think I can ever start a post without using the word "so"?) I just got back from vacation and it was lots of fun. Three days in Seattle, five in Island Park, and lots of driving in between. But it was worth it. And since I don't want to bore you with all the details I thought I would post a few pics instead.

This is me in front of Pike's Place Market, possibly the most famous place in Seattle after the Space Needle, which is far less cool and more expensive. The market is free until you spend all your money on the cool stuff they have for sale there.

This is me at the Seattle Aquarium, which if I let myself I could turn into another exorbitantly long post. So I will just say that it is a very cool aquarium and yes I am allowed to touch the spiny thing whose name I have temporarily forgotten. They actually encourage it. If you stick your finger between the spines they close up on you and it gives you a "hug." We also got to see them feed the giant octupus but that was about the time that my camera batteries died, so these are pretty much all the pictures you get. Lucky for me I get the memories:)

You Speak-a English? Or: The Longest Post In All The Land

Due to the long nature of this post I have taken the liberty of shrinking the font size. My apologies to those who must now squint to read this.
At the beginning of the week I put up the following poll question:
Which of the following phrases have I *not* misunderstood at one point or another? The options were
A) To make ends meet
B) Lbs
C) Layman's terms, and
D) Sealing wax.
I then closed the polls two days later. Now, usually I am not so on top of things and will look for any excuse to delay updating my blog, if only to prevent myself from establishing a pattern of when I post because I don't want to be held to a regular schedule (see 101 reasons post below). However, I am leaving for vacation tomorrow morning and won't be back till the 17th-ish (another example of a lack of commitment on my part). I am going to Seattle for a few days, then to island park after that but don't distract me from the point here, which is that I won't be posting for a good week and a half. So I thought I would leave you with this extra long post to keep you entertained while I am out.
Well now, shall we examine the poll question?
The first of the phrases I HAVE misunderstood is "to make ends meet." Sadly, it was only recently that I learned it was "meet" as in come together, not "meat" as in food. Thinking all this time that the phrase was "end's meat" and knowing that it meant just barely scraping by, I logistically determined that the ends of the meat must be the worst part that you would not ordinarily consume. Therefore, if you are having to make "ends meat" you are not doing well and would much rather be making pot roast. Interestingly enough, the fact that I had never come across a recipe for "ends meat" did not stop me from believing that this was the true meaning of the phrase.
Ok, now that you are done rolling on the floor with laughter, lets move on to the the next phrase that I HAVE misunderstood, which is LBS. (You may want to take a bathroom break before continuing reading.)
I have a very specific memory of when I determined the meaning of that strange abbreviation on the butter container. I was sitting in a car parking lot as a child while my mom was loading the groceries and as I looked at the butter I determined that it must mean lillibeaters. Like millimeters only bigger. Never mind the fact that there was no lillibeater measuring cup to be found anywhere on earth, I had made sense of the abbreviation and it stuck. I don't remember when I learned that lillibeaters don't actually exist and that LBS stands for pounds (now really, who decided that pounds had an L in it?!) but I do remember when my younger brother learned it. He had taken a far more logical approach to LB and determined that since he often saw it on bags of candy it MUST stand for Large Bag. So you could go to the store and ask for one Large Bag of Skittles and they would know exactly what you were talking about. At least I am not the only one in my family.
Now, the next phrase that I misunderstood was sealing wax. This really shouldn't have happened because I remember watching The Scarlet Pimpernel as a kid and seeing the man SEAL the backs of envelopes with red WAX. Foregone conclusion, right? Except that I also have a distinct memory of watching Puff the Magic Dragon and his friend Jackie Paper packing their bags with shoes and ships and CEILING WAX. Seriously they have a bottle with "ceiling wax" written on it, I swear. I would verify this by watching the show again but I'm pretty sure we don't have it anymore. Anyway, I remember being confused as to what one might do with ceiling wax but figured there must be a good use for it somewhere, and never having sealed a letter with wax myself it took many years for me to get this straightened out in my mind. I guess this is what happens when you watch too much TV.
So, the only phrase that I have never misunderstood is Layman's terms. I would pat myself on the back for this but the only reason I never misunderstood it is because I had never heard it until a high school English class. The teacher was going over funny mistakes that people had made in various term papers and one that he found entertaining was a student who had thought it was "Laman's Terms." As in whiny brother of Nephi. Yeah, that Laman. In all likelihood I would have probably made the same mistake later in life had this not been the first time I had ever heard the phrase. So if you all know of any other random expressions that you think I may not really understand please let me know before I start writing about why you would need to rotate your tires if all they do all day is rotate. (My cousin actually takes credit for that one. She thought that rotating your tires involved jacking the car up and spinning the wheels. Just in case you thought so too, it actually involves taking the tires off and moving them to different positions:)
And don't think for one second that I am done with this post. I told you it would be the longest post ever and I meant it. (Why is it so hard to write this much for term papers?) So, you may want to take a lunch break before continuing.
Ready? Ok, the reason that I thought about these misunderstandings is because of a question that Rhonda posed about the English language. Specifically she wanted to know why it breaks so many rules. Like why don't "hanger" and "danger" rhyme?
Well, lets just say that as I was researching the answers to these questions (and it was very scientific I'll have you know. I was working with the esteemed Dr. Google :) I came across enough information to write a doctoral thesis or sixty. But as we all know, I am far too lazy to do such a thing and am content with the idea that maybe someday a University somewhere will award me an honorary doctorate degree. Hey, at this point I would settle for an honorary bachelor's degree.
So, here is what I learned.
The English language as we know it began in the 500s AD when three groups of people invaded what is now known as England. They were the Angles, the Saxons, and the Jutes. They came from Germany and Denmark and pushed the Celt speaking natives of England (would they be called native englicans?) into present day Scotland, Ireland and Wales. The invaders all spoke Germanic type languages that eventually sort of meshed together into what is known as Old English and which doesn't look anything like modern day English.
That went ok for awhile till William the conqueror, you guessed it, conquered England. His army was composed of Normans who hailed from Normania. Just kidding, they were from France. So then French got mixed in with the Germanic stuff and turned into Middle English, which is what Frodo and his hairy-toed posse speak when not chilling with the elves. Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.
In about 1500 something called "The Great Vowel Shift" started (seriously, that's what its called) and people started pronouncing vowels shorter and shorter. This is similar to what happened to the traditional English greeting which started out as "Hello" and rapidly deteriorated into a seizure like upward jerk of the head, sometimes accompanied by the monosyllabic "sup". (You have no idea how happy it makes me to use the word monosyllabic:)
Anyway, all this coincided with the Renaissance and the invention of the printing press which pretty much finalized English into what it is today. Obviously it is still changing with new words being invented as technology requires and also borrowing from other languages. (You'll notice we use the Japanese word sushi instead of making up one of our own, like barfy fish paste)
So all this would explain some of the confusion involved in a language that started as German, meshed with french, got gansterized and globalized and regionalized. (Y'all want some chitlins with those shrimps on the barbie? They're chillin in the boot of the lorry)
Also, as far as grammar rules go it turns out that some dork applied Latin grammar rules to English long ago, despite the fact that English is Germanic. This is what accounts for the stupid don't-end-a-sentence-with-a- preposition rule that nobody actually follows up with. Ha.
Oh, and as for the hanger/danger thing it is because danger is of Latin origin and as far as I can tell hanger is of French origin (at least, hangar is, so we'll assume hanger is too) that probably accounts for their lack of rhyming.
Gruesome side note: the expression "hanging out" stems from the practice of public hangings being a recreational activity people used to enjoy.
So. There you have it. The longest post in the history of the English language. Or maybe on the history of the English language. And now that I have answered that and stated that I still like nuts and nuts like me (Lacey) I have only one more "theoretical" question to answer involving the painting of rocks before I run out of questions. Which gets me off the hook post-wise, and which I am ok with. So send some more or don't. But definitely don't ask me how I have managed to function so far in my life because that would be the shortest post ever. I have no stinkin idea.

Yay for Yeast

I have officially closed the polls and the answer to the question about yeast is (drumroll please)
TRUE! Yeast is a tiny organism that lives just about anywhere and is especially prolific in the fall and spring, making those the ideal times for "harvesting." And all this time I thought it came from the store. Actually, truth be told I had never thought about it until I read a book in which the author mentioned that he had made bread from yeast he harvested himself. Say What?!?That made me do a double take and I did a little research. Turns out that yeast can be captured from the air by mixing up some flour, water, and sugar in a glass bowl and leaving it out for awhile. Then you have to keep feeding the yeast every day with more of the mixture until the yeast causes the mix to approximately double in size. Then you can do one of a few things 1) add it to your bread dough mix and get a tasty sourdough 2) keep it in your fridge and feed it once a week to keep it active for use in the future 3) fail miserably at the above experiment and resign yourself to dumping the sour smelling mixture down the drain. Theoretically speaking of course :)
There are several reasons for harvesting your own yeast including saving money (though flour and sugar aint all that cheap), the satisfaction of doing it yourself, using what is available, and of course, just to see if you can. But the main reason is that there are different kinds of yeast in different areas. So Utah yeast will lend a different flavor to your bread than say, Louisanna yeast, or California yeast. Or even Southern Utah yeast. Imagine the possibilities : German yeast and African yeast and Brazilian yeast! Oh my!
All of this is of course assuming you have the equivalent of a yeasty green thumb (that just sounds gross), which I have a sneaking suspicion I don't. I guess I am consigned to go on believing that yeast comes from a store and buying mine there. But that doesn't mean that you have to! If you want to try this little experiment just google "grow your own yeast" and get started. (I hereby absolve myself of any responsibility for failure of this experiment and will not reimburse you any flour or sugar should your experiment fail. I will however gladly eat your bread and take tips on how to be a successful yeast harvester) Yay for Yeast!

Pictures! Well, Just a Tiny One

Soooo if you look to your right you will notice that I learned a new trick. This photo is posted for your viewing pleasure. You will probably notice that said photo is practically microscopic. I don't know why. I tried several different ways of blowing up the photo, which is ironic when you think about it because really, who wants a picture of themself BLOWN UP? I mean, unless you mean with dynamite which is a different story all together. Anyway, the actual photo is of normal proportions but I have not been able to figure out how to get it that way on the blog. I am currently taking suggestions. In the meantime you will have to make do with a magnifying glass if you really want to see the picture.

Ooops

No I was not purposely disabling the comments feature on my blog so as not to have to answer any questions. Though that would have been sheer genius. Nope, I'm afraid it goes back to the walrus issue. But I think I have fixed it now so give it a whirl and let me know if it doesn't work. Oh wait, you can't..... well, then if I don't have any comments in the next few days I will know this walrus didn't learn her trick and I will try it again.
Also, Lacey, if you read this, I need your email address.

Why its asklinds

Ok
So now that we have overcome some of my worries and issues about having a blog, it is time to explain the reason for this blog, or at least it's name. When my friends pressured me into creating this blog my first protest was that I have nothing to write about. They disagreed, and pointed out all the questions I had answered for them over the years. Why not call the blog asklinds and dedicate it to answering questions? My friends are geniuses and in their suggestion unknowingly provided a loophole: If there are no questions, I don't have to write anything! MWAAAHAHAHA!!!! So, if you have no questions its no sweat off my back. And if you do have questions, I reserve the right to make something up that sounds plausible to me. Sound good? Let the questions begin! (or not. I'm fine either way)

101 reasons I don't want a blog
(OK, maybe slightly less)

1) I am about as technologically savvy as a walrus. Seriously, picture a walrus tapping away at a computer with his giant tusks and that is about as good as I get. I am not sure that I am going to be able to keep up with all the technology required for this little project. (you'll notice there are no pictures on this blog yet. Again, think of the walrus...)

2) Blogs have to be updated consistently which means that I have to have some sort of schedule. I hate schedules. I fear the commitment they require. What if I can't meet the obligation? How long do I have to keep this up? Do I see myself still writing on a blog in 2012? 2020?I am practically having a panic attack as we speak.

3) I am boring. I know my friends are nice and tell me that I am not, but I know the truth. And I am ok with being boring, as long as its by myself. I don't really want to drag other people into my boringness, which is what opening a blog can do. So here's an advance warning: Proceed with caution! Boringness Ahead.

4) Blogs are for married people. I know, I know, this isn't really true, but married people have a definite advantage in the blog world because if their own life is boring they have an automatic out by writing about their spouse. I on the other hand have a dog. And his life is even less exciting than mine. So if you see any posts about Toby, know that he is my dog, not my spouse, and that my life must be extra boring at that time.

5) When my mom wanted to start her own blog I told her that blogs were lame and basically refused to help her start one. Creating this one means that I have to suck it up and eat my words, just like I did about the extra pair of shoes she made me take on my mission and that turned out to be lifesavers, thus proving that even as an adult she still knows whats best for me.

6) Blogs are permanent. Like tattoos, crack, and cell phones, only the latter of which I have. Sure, you can go back to life without-fill in the blank from list above- but it is whomping hard! I didn't have a cell phone for many many years and my life was full and happy. Then I caved to peer pressure (see next reason) and now I can never go back. Once you have a blog, that's it.

7) I hate caving to peer pressure. Which is what I am doing by creating this blog. Lame friends. Next thing you know, I will be getting a lame facebook account!

8) Blogs are a false sense of communication. You could go forever without actually talking to a friend and still feel like you are keeping in touch. Which in a sense you are, but on the other hand is it really communication if there is no verbal contact? Then again, how good am I at keeping in touch with people as it is? Don't answer that. I know I suck.

9) Blogs can make people weird. Or in my case, just expose the weirdness that is already there. You see, a blog is like a journal, right? And what do you put in your journal? Things that are embarrassing. Not necessarily embarrassing in nature, so much as embarrassing to think about anybody reading them. Do I really want the whole wide web world to know about my random thoughts? Do I even want my friends to know about all my random thoughts?

So why, you might ask, am I writing about not wanting a blog, on a blog that I KNOWINGLY AND INTENTIONALLY CREATED!?!
Because even a walrus can learn tricks. (If you don't believe it check out the walrus dancing to Michael Jackson on you tube!)
Because friends require commitment and I am not afraid of them.
Because if my boringness can serve to entertain someone else, why not go for it?
Because someday I may be married. And my husband had better be more interesting than my dog.
Because my mom is forgiving and I have eaten my words before and survived.
Because there is a convenient little feature on this blog called "delete"
Because sometimes my friends have good ideas and pressure me for my own good. Sometimes!
Because even false communication is better than no communication. Right?
Because everybody already knows how weird I am anyway. What have I got to lose?

So, without further adieu, I give you asklinds.