shrtned wrds

That's "shortened words" in the title, natch. (And if you didn't know, natch is short for naturally, of course!)
I got a question from Elise a while ago about a word that frequently popped up in her cross word puzzles. I had never heard it before and so was interested to learn about its meaning and background.
The word is "plaint" and I have a 'plaint of my own about it. Namely, it is not a word!!!! Its just a shortened word! Short for "complaint"! If only there were a customer service department for the English language I would be first in line to COMplain. (Notice I didn't say "plain" even though that is the shortened form of the word and it is now apparently acceptable to shorten words to your hearts content.)
RIDICULOUS!
Anyway, I was rather disappointed about this definition. Here i was all excited to see what new word I would learn and where it originated and all I get was this ghetto slang version of "complaint". Actually even ghetto slang is cooler than that. This was more like baby talk only not so cute because there wasn't a cute baby saying it. More like a crazy companion I had on the mission who spoke in baby talk every day despite the fact that she was 24!!!
Ok, I have calmed down. Happy thoughts. But all this did get me thinking. Sometimes I wish there were a customer service department for the English language. Though probably if there were it would be so busy that you would be put on hold for years at a time listening to a recording about the proper diagramming of sentences and the difference between your and you're (which really some of us could use a refresher course on...)
At any rate I know what my first order of business would be if there were a customer service department for English. And no it is not the shortening of words, though that would be on the list as well. My first order of business would be to ban the use of the word "impregnable."
Ugh, just writing it makes me cringe. I hate that word. I can't even explain why. Its just such a dumb, yucky, unnecessary word. Especially because it never refers to anything living (though truthfully I am glad of that as I would probably hate it even more if it did). People talk about a castle being impregnable. Well duh! Its made of rocks! I don't know what you were expecting here but basic biology could have probably enlightened you on this one had you let it penetrate your thick head, much like you are trying to penetrate the stupid castle. You know, the impenetrable one! Really, is the other word even necessary?
Another word I hate, but for different reasons, is pooch. Now quickly, what is the first thing that comes to mind when i use that word? It should be dog. That's what a pooch is. A small furry animal that brings joy or allergies into your life. Recently however some people have been using it to refer to the overdeveloped region around their abdomens. May I ask that you please refrain from doing so in my presence unless you happen to be holding a small dog near your middle? Because the name of the area you are referring to is called your gut. Beer belly, spare tire, muffin top, flab and love handles are also acceptable substitutions. Pooch is not.
I think this may have started because people were thinking it was a poofy area of the body but couldn't call it a poof because that word has a lighter connotation, like a cloud. And the gut, at least mine, is not poofy like a cloud:) They also couldn't use pouch, because kangaroos have those on their guts but not the rest of us (I hope!) So instead they decided to commandeer the word pooch and apply it to their flabby midsections. Not cool. The word is now ruined for me because even if somebody uses it to refer to a dog all I can think about is Uncle Joe's flabby midsection hanging over his pants. Gross.
So there is my rant for the day. Please feel free to share with me any words that you think really must go. Perhaps we can call customer service together and get them abolished. Right after we finish diagramming those sentences:)