Dingos Eat Babies and Post Office Boxes Eat Mail

I was thinking the other day about that line from Seinfeld in which Elaine says to a friend "maybe the dingo ate your baby." I think most people have heard that line, even if they have never seen an episode of Seinfeld. But I don't think most people know the real story behind it. Well, here is your chance! (Though be warned that it is a pretty sad story.)

It comes from a landmark murder trial in Australia involving a woman named Lindy Chamberlain. She and her husband, a Seventh-Day Adventist pastor were on a weekend camping retreat thing with their 3 children at Uluru (Aka Ayers Rock, aka that giant red rock in the middle of the outback that you may remember from such films as The Rescuers Down Under. At least that's where I first saw it. Unless maybe it was featured in a terrifying film I also watched in my childhood called Fortress about the kidnapping of an Australian Kindergarten class. True story also but that's a story for another day, after I complete therapy from the effects of watching said film as a 6 year old.)

Anyway, Uluru is located just under the bird's beak here.

So sometime during this camping trip Mrs. Chamberlain left her 2 month old daughter Azaria asleep in the tent. She was only gone for about 10 minutes but when she came back the baby was gone, apparently taken by a dingo. Police conducted a massive search and found some of the baby's clothes and evidence that she had been killed but they never recovered the body.

You would think that would be the end of a sad story about the dangers of wild animals but police then went on to charge Mrs. Chamberlain with the murder of her daughter. No big deal, right? I mean, people don't go to jail in America when their kids are killed by bears so why should this be any different? Unfortunately for Mrs. Chamberlain she was convicted and sentenced to life in prison! She actually gave birth to her fourth child, a girl, while in prison.

Fortunately there is a slight upside to the story. After 4 years in prison a piece of clothing belonging to baby Azaria was found buried near a dingo's lair, which more or less proved that the dingo really did eat the baby and Mrs. Chamberlain was released from prison. Her conviction was later overturned.

Her story was later turned into a movie starring Meryl Streep called "A Cry in the Dark," which played several times on TV as the Saturday afternoon movie, which is where I first saw it as a kid (along with a whole host of B-grade movies). This is why when I first heard the line "maybe the dingo ate your baby" I thought it was slightly odd and wondered if there was a connection. Sure enough there is. And now you know too, which may ruin the line for you from now on. Sorry :(

Seems like everything I know about Australia is a bit less than inviting, unless you happen to find blue earthworms fascinating, which of course I do. But otherwise you have all sorts of deadly animals, crazy kidnappings and baby-eating dingos to contend with. I will have to see what sort of other redeeming qualities I can find about it to post later, so as to not give you the wrong impression of a very interesting continent.

In other news, and just so that you know that I do occasionally turn off the TV and get out of the house I think that we need to redesign post office drop boxes. I was walking to the post office the other day to mail some bills and after I dropped them in the box I sort of started panicking. The reason for this was that I felt like I had just put something very important into a trash can. A trash can with a welded on lid from which I could not retrieve said bills and could be charged with a federal crime for attempting to do so. I managed to calm myself down and remember that even if I had forgotten a stamp or mislabeled it it would kindly be returned to my house by a postal worker until such time as I could be a responsible adult and correctly learn to use the postal system.

Still, it got me thinking. It seems like there are only two instances where you insert things into a receptacle and don't get anything in return. These are the trash and the post office box. In every other instance you get some sort of product or confirmation when you insert something. Vending machines take money and give you candy. Gas pumps take money and give you gasoline. ATMs take cards and give you cash. They even give you your card back eventually. So it seems to me that the same should happen with post office drop boxes. They ought to dispense some sort of evidence that your important documents are safely houses within the confines of its dark blue interior. It doesn't even have to be a receipt per se. It could be a small paper with your fortune printed on it. That would make the prospect of going to the post office much more fun I think. Even a little blinking light would help. Just something to let you know that you are not crazy when your heart suddenly drops into your stomach after inserting your mail.

And in that vein, since you have invested your time and brain power into reading this post I would like to present you with the following token of appreciation and acknowledgement: Your many hidden talents will become obvious to those around you. Have a nice day.