- Which reminds me, I have a bookshelf on my blog of the books that I have been reading and at one point there were stars underneath each book that indicated how much I enjoyed it. Most of them had lots of stars because I generally don't finish a book if I don't like it after 20 pages or so. There are some exceptions though, but the stars disappeared. So if you ever see a book I have read and wonder if it is worth reading just send me an email or leave me a post and I will give you my thoughts. And feel free to leave me reccommendations as well. I am always looking for good books.
2. I think I am more boring than ever right now. All I have to really post about is work, and work is the last thing I want to think about when I am away from it. (During it too, but I can't really get away from that.) Once school starts in a few weeks I will regale you with stories of my rounds with Organic Chemistry, which I have heard is really really difficult and which is therefore making me very nervous (so any encouragement from those of you who have taken it and think that I may be able to survive it would be greatly appreciated.) In the meantime I will tell you about work. Specifically, How to Annoy Your Cashier!
- Rather than handing your cash to your cashier, put it on the scanner or the place where you write your checks. In other words, act as though she has some sort of horribly contagious disease or as if you were living in 18th century India and she was an "untouchable." It's sure to make her day.
- Even better, you can put your cash on the conveyor belt. Nothing makes more sense than to send her scrambling to grab the bills and coins about to flip off the end of the MOVING OBJECT you just threw them onto. Don't worry, it doesn't make you look like an idiot at all. Nope.
- Ignore your cashier while you carry on a non-essential cell phone conversation that even the person on the other end of the line doesn't want to listen to. Take lots of time unloading your groceries during said conversation because the people behind you are in no hurry and are clearly amazed at your multi-tasking abilities. When your cashier needs to communicate with you, indicate the inconvenience she is causing you and her low level of importance to the human race by mouthing an irritated response to her, rather than HANGING UP THE FREAKING PHONE like a civilized humnan and being considerate of anyone but yourself! (And just in case you were wondering, yes, it is always 100 percent appropriate to carry on a cell phone conversation in the bathroom while you are doing your business, especially if you are discussing something as important as which sheets to bring camping (True, very disgusting, story). That old common decency rule of only calling from the bathroom if you are having a baby or a seizure? So last century!)
- Rather than taking the items out of the giant storage bin you put them in while you were shopping, just put the whole 3 foot tall bucket on the conveyer belt. It shouldn't be too difficult for her to reach over her head to fish them out blindly and scan them.
- Go ahead, write out the whole check. Slowly. In cursive. After asking to borrow her pen. And what the date is. And the amount again. Then act like you shouldn't have to sign your name electronically because you already signed the check. The one that she is immediately going to hand back to you because the machine runs it like a debit card.
- Stare at the sacks of groceries piling up on the turntable while your cashier struggles to continue scanning and bagging the 3 feet of them still on the conveyor belt. Don't lift a finger to put them in your cart. Allow her the pleasure of loading your groceries for you.
- Tell her that you have X number of cornS. Not X ears of corn. This will give her the lovely pleasure of imagining your disgusting feet, filled with X number of cornS. She will eventually realize that you are referring to the vegetable, not the foot condition, but only after having that lovely mental picture ingrained in her head all day.
- Please, bring your children under the age of 4 to the grocery store after midnight. Show society (and your cashier) what a great mom you are!
Ok, I realize that not all of these tricks apply to every grocery store, or even every cashier. Some places you do have to write out the check and most normal cashiers probably don't have my fascination with words that can mean two different things. But I would still say that the above rules will hold up pretty well in most situations. If you don't believe me, try one out on me during my next shift. I'm sure you'll love my response.
3. If I don't post often enough for you, I have recently discovered a new website that I have wasted plenty of time on myself and will now be kind enough to share with you. It is called hyperboleandahalf.com and this is one of my favorite posts. Be forewarned, she doesn't always have the cleanest mouth around but generally keeps things in check.
So there is my latest random post. Hopefully the next three things I think of to post about will be more interesting. If not, you can still send me questions and as promised ,I will come up with an answer that sounds plausible to me :)
