AskLinds

Minor Differences

2011-12-11T19:39:00.003-07:00

What I *think* I will look like with dreadlocks:

What I *actually* look like with dreadlocks:

Don't worry. I remembered I'm a white girl from suburbia and washed them out : ) But fun for about 20 minutes.

*Also, these were only temporary dreads that I did myself so I didn't spend massive amounts of time or energy on them, in case you were worried.

*And, I kinda like the angle of the first picture of myself. I look like I actually have cheekbones!

Exploding Lakes: Less Fun Than They Should Be

2011-11-07T22:23:00.001-07:00

So I was going to write a post complaining about Daylight Saving Time and how I hate the darkness but then I realized that I do that every year and you are probably as sick of hearing about it as I am of having to live with it. And I also promised to write about exploding lakes quite some time ago and as I was reading a little more about them I realized that my first world problems kind of pale in comparison. So I will just say that if you are interested in learning about the cost benefits (or lack thereof) of DST, you can watch this interesting video here.

Now on to the lakes. When you hear the term exploding lake, you might picture something a little like this:

But actually, it looks a little more like this:

Sort of. Those are actually before and after photos of Lake Nyos in Cameroon, one of only three lakes in the world know to have the potential to "explode." There are two others in equatorial Africa and all three are known as limnically active lakes. (That's sciencespeak for "exploding").

What happens in a limnically active lake is that carbon dioxide (CO2) from rotting materials, such as occur at the bottom of a lake, or from another source such as a volcanic vent, dissolves in the deepest coldest layers of the lake. The pressure from all the water on top keeps it there where it builds up and builds up. Eventually the lake gets so saturated with dissolved CO2 that when something disturbs it (like a landslide or an earthquake) it bubbles out of solution and escapes to the surface forming a giant deadly cloud and you get yourself an exploding lake.

This is only known to have happened twice in modern history, both times in the 1980s. The first was at Lake Monoun and the gas cloud that arose from the lake killed 37 villagers and countless livestock in the surrounding area. The second explosion at Lake Nyos was even more deadly, killing between 1,700-1,800 people.

Perhaps the scariest part was that nobody really knew what happened. A giant cloud from the lake descended on the valleys below and everyone in its path lost consciousness. When the survivors awoke they found their neighbors and animals dead and the normally placid blue lake a frothy brown.

The government at first suspected terrorism but the numerous geologists arriving from all over the world put that theory to rest and figured out about the CO2. They also came up with some pretty ingenious solutions to prevent future eruptions. They installed CO2 monitors around the lake attached to alarms and told the villagers that if the alarms ever sounded they needed to get to higher ground as quickly as possible. They also installed a giant straw (basically) in the lake that brings CO2 rich water to the surface so the pressure doesn't keep building up. So far there haven't been any recurrences, though it would likely take quite a while longer for enough CO2 to build up again for another explosion anyway.

You may be wondering what you should do to protect yourself from the body of water nearest to you, but you shouldn't worry. Lakes in areas where the temperature fluctuates throughout the year naturally de-gas themselves. The water at the surface gets colder and heavier and sinks to the bottom, displacing the CO2 saturated water at the bottom and bringing it to the surface where it dissolves into the air. So I guess we should count our blessings that Daylight Saving Time, though annoying, is at least not deadly.

OCD

2011-10-17T21:56:00.003-06:00

I was making fun of my mom today because apparently for the past 30+ years of her marriage she has always had to have matching towels for her and my dad. I don't know where I have been all these years but I only recently found out about this quirky little habit of hers when I used one of the new towels she purchased and was informed that I was not to use it again because then she would not have a towel that matched my dads.

I was thinking this was pretty weird but then I started changing my blog background, as you may have noticed. And I spent forever picking out the colors and trying different combinations before I settled on the ones that I did. And only after altering the HTML in blogger did I decide that it still isn't quite right and I am going to have to make more changes.

Which I guess is just to say that I probably shouldn't make fun of my mom's slightly OCD towel issue when I myself have OCD tendencies toward color schemes in blogger. But I still reserve the right to blame her genetics for giving me the OCD tendencies in the first place : )

Also, those posts I told you about are coming, but they just may have to wait until the background is how I want it. Or as close to it as possible. Well see if my OCD wins out again : )

Buddies

2011-08-28T16:32:00.002-06:00

Evan and Toby are friends. Even if Toby isn't always sure about this.

Also I promise I will write soon about my trip to Chicago, Exploding Lakes (unrelated), and my new shoes, which are much more interesting than they sound : )

In the meantime I just thought I would let you know I am alive and looking forward to visiting that cute little boy again soon.

Discoveries

2011-07-02T12:51:00.002-06:00

So I am probably waaay behind the times here but I have just discovered two awesome new things that I feel the need to share with the world. (My world being kind of small and consisting mainly of the readers of this blog...)

Anyway the first discovery is gummy vitamins for adults! This is great for two reasons. (Well, three if you are an "adult" like me who still has a sweet tooth and likes cheapo candy.) The first reason is that I no longer have to start the day gambling on whether I will yet again gag on a giant horse pill vitamin with a delicious yeast coating. (Really, they should take a cue from Mary Poppins on this one and maybe try a sugar coating. Yeast? Come on!) Instead I just chew on a yummy gummy and swallow it like I do everything else.

The second reason is that a full serving is two gummy vitamins, which is great for me because I no longer have to saw horse pills in half every day. Instead I just take one. See I never take the full dose because really you should be getting the majority of your vitamins and minerals from your diet anyway. But my diet isn't always perfect so I like to take a multivitamin to make up what I miss. So now I just take one gummy vitamin and I'm good to go. No gagging, no chopping, just a little sugar for breakfast. What's not to like : )

The second discovery has to do with that expensive radio/pedometer I purchased a while ago. I still haven't downloaded any music to it because I am cheap and don't want to pay for it but I am also too guilt ridden to download it illegally. But that's ok because now I don't have time for music. I am too busy listening to the Stuff You Should Know podcast!

Some of you may remember a show on the discovery channel called "How It's Made." It was an interesting show detailing how everyday items like bowling balls and snowboards are made. Its only downfall in my opinion was the monotone narration. They needed somebody with a little more oomph to narrate it. Anyway, the show was based on a blog called How Stuff Works that was started by a college professor a few years back. It gradually gained popularity until it was purchased by the Discovery channel and now they produce several podcasts, blogs and the website.

My favorite of these, as I mentioned before, is Stuff You Should Know. It basically consists of two of the site's writers talking about stuff such as how food cravings work (its not your body telling you to get certain nutrients), whether flouridated water is a good idea (maybe not, since flouride is technically a hazardous waste), what happens when you get decapitated (hint, its not as quick an ending as you would think), how fear works, the history of freemasons, and how headhunting worked (that one was a little gross). There are over 300 podcasts already, since they started in 2008, and they release two new ones a week. So I am pretty much set for entertainment for the next little while : )

I think the best part of these podcasts is the chemistry between the two writers. It's pretty much the opposite of the narrator of How It's Made and it makes it really fun to listen to. Anyway, I would highly recommend it and for your convenience the site can be found by clicking here for the blog or here for the general website.

I think if I were wanting to pursue a career as a writer and wasn't opposed to moving to Georgia I might consider applying for a job with them because it would basically involve doing what I already do on this blog only more consistently. (Which is nice for you the reader because if you have a burning question about how something works and I am too slow to answer it you can search for it on their website and chances are they will have a page explaining it.) How cool would it be if your job were to find out about all sorts of interesting stuff and then share it with the world? Awesome.

Anyway, those are my latest discoveries. Hopefully they are as exciting for you as they are for me, though considering my low entertainment threshold I have my doubts. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go learn about how addictions work. I may need help kicking one if these podcasts keep coming : )

Dirty Little Secret

2011-05-30T20:35:00.003-06:00

I have a confession. I haven't washed my hair in several months. I stopped using soap for awhile as well but I have picked that up again. (You're welcome) No, I am not in some sick contest to win a year's supply of shampoo or something. In fact I'm not sure I will ever really use shampoo again so it would be a kind of pointless contest for me. No, my dirty little secret all started out as yet another in a long line of experiments.

It started back in January when I read about paleolithic man. He's a guy who decided to eat like our paleolithic (read caveman) ancestors because he figured it was healthier. I think you could argue that either way but he says it works for him and he feels great so more power to him. Anyway, after eating like a caveman he got to thinking and decided to bathe like a caveman too, which meant no soap, no shampoo, no poofy bath sponge. Basically the opposite of a spa. Just water and his dirty little self.

And guess what? He doesn't stink. And his hair isn't greasy! I even saw a picture and it's true, his hair looks perfectly normal. They still haven't invented smellographs so I couldn't tell you if he smells or not but he seems to still have friends so I'm gonna go with he's probably telling the truth.

All of this got me to thinking, so I started doing some research. It turns out there is a bit of a "movement", if you will, toward not using shampoo. It's called the No 'Poo movement and aside from really needing a name change it actually has some merit to it. Your body tends to be pretty self-regulating and shampoo is a fairly modern invention so really it's not a stretch to think that you could live without it.

In fact, the No Pooers say that shampoo is actually bad for your hair and that getting rid of it will make your hair healthier. This is because shampoo is a surfactant, a type of chemical which strips your hair of its natural oils, leaving it dry and brittle. Hence the need for conditioner to put moisture back in it. In fact, conditioner wasn't even invented until after shampoo became popular and basically then as a remedy for the damage shampoo did to your hair. (Fun fact: people actually used to use the excuse "I can't, I'm washing my hair" in all seriousness because shampoo used to be so harsh that you only used it once a week or so and it was a big process.)

As I was reading about the evils of shampoo I was intrigued by all the No Pooers who said that it also made their hair more soft and manageable as well. So I knew it was time for an experiment.

I decided that I would clean my hair and my body using nothing but the mechanical power of my hands.

That lasted less than 24 hours, during which time I felt so gross I showered twice. The No-Pooers had warned that the first week or two without shampoo your hair would get really greasy but that if you toughed it out it would all be worth it in the end. So I thought maybe I should give it another go. Several websites suggested slowly "detoxing" from shampoo by using baking soda for the first few days. It scrubs the grease out without stripping your hair. So I decided to go for it. And thinking that I would probably need to employ the baby step method for "detoxing" from soap I decided I would start by not using soap on my legs. Then I would gradually work my way up until soap was a thing of the past.

Well, the no soap on the legs was fine. I was actually surprised that I didn't cut myself shaving more often but no problems there. So I kept it up until eventually I wasn't using soap at all. And you know what? I didn't stink. In fact, parts of me that were particularly smelly before, that I expected to stink more, turned out to smell better than when I was using soap. Counter intuitive, no?

As for the baking soda...well...it worked. Sorta. My hair did feel clean but holy static! You'd think I rubbed my head on a thousand balloons a day! Ah, but the No-Pooers foresaw this and were ready with a recommendation: Vinegar.

Now, let me tell you something about vinegar. It stinks. This is true after it comes out of the refrigerator or the cupboard. And it is even more true when you pour it onto your head in a hot shower and it combines with the steam to create a deathly choking vinegar cloud. Talk about chemical warfare. I had to crack the window and stick my head halfway out just to be able to breathe. Forget stripping your hair, at least shampoo doesn't burn your lungs!

But for some odd reason I was bound and determined to see this experiment through. Probably because I am lazy and cheap and the thought of never having to buy shampoo again was pretty tantalizing for someone of my inclinations. So I went back to the No-Pooers to see if they could recommend something besides vinegar, preferably something not in the condiments line. And they did have something: Lemon Juice.

If I was concerned about vinegar I was doubly apprehensive about lemon juice. I have some not very fond memories of cold lemon juice being poured on my head after my hair had turned green from too much time spent in swimming pools. (It wasn't until years later that it even occurred to me that we could have warmed it up a bit in the microwave. Duh!) But I decided it couldn't be worse than a vinegar bomb so I gave it a shot.

And the results were pretty good. My hair felt and looked pretty normal. No more grease or static than with shampoo. So I kept it up. And have continued with it since February. And will probably continue with it indefinitely.

My reasons for doing so are mostly economical and not because it worked wonders on my hair. It is pretty much the same as it has always been. The one exception is when I curl it. My hair is naturally wavy so it can hold a curl if I use lots of product and scrunch it up a lot, etc. But I did notice that after using the baking soda and lemon juice it holds curl much better and with significantly less effort on my part. (part, ha ha). So I like it better than shampoo for that reason.

Like I said before though, I did go back to using soap. This was mostly because I have always used a moisturizing soap anyway so my skin was never as dry as it can get with regular soap. So I didn't notice much of a difference between using soap and not using soap and since I like the smell I figured I would keep using it. (In fact, I always wondered why they don't make men's colognes that smell like soap. Waaaay better than musk, and don't even get me started with Axe. Blech. ) But I still don't use it on my more odiferous areas because weirdly I smell better if I don't. Can't quite figure that one out.

Anyway, I may eventually get to the no shampoo, no shampoo substitutes stage but for now I am pretty comfy with my baking soda and lemon juice routine. I can get a giant box of baking soda for less than $3 and a bottle of lemon juice for the same, but the lemon juice gets diluted so its even cheaper. I don't have to spend time on the shampoo isle analyzing the latest products and smelling every bottle to see which scent I like best. I don't have to feel guilty about spending too much money on a salon brand specialty shampoo and I don't have to deal with the irritation of having the shampoo run out before the conditioner does. (Why!?! I use both in the same amounts so how do they not even out? I think they must be in cahoots with the socks lost from dryerland. Grrr.)

So that's my latest experiment. If you want to recreate it for yourself the basic instructions are as follows: Put an amount of baking soda about the size of a large grape in your hands then scrub it through your hair, especially your scalp and the crown of your head. Rinse. Put two tablespoons of lemon juice and a cup of water into a squirt bottle and spray it on the length of your hair (you can put a little on the roots and scalp, but mostly focus on the rest of your hair.) Rinse. Dry and style as normal. Ta-Da!

I would love to give you more information about this subject but I'm afraid I can't, I'm washing my hair. Oh wait...

A Dearth of Posts, A Deluge of Definitions

2011-05-17T21:43:00.002-06:00

So because I am a dork I am very excited about my latest investment, which is a dictionary. (Actually, my latest investment is an ipod but have I downloaded a single song on it yet? No. I have essentially been using it as a very expensive radio and pedometer. Sigh) But the dictionary? It's practically dog-eared, and I bought it new.

Ok, thats an exaggeration, but I have been using it quite a bit. I didn't think I would use it all that much, because I tend not to read things that are over my head, but since I have been keeping it close to the books I am reading I find myself more apt to look up the definitions of words that I don't know. Even words that I thought I knew. Like cataclysmic. I use that word all the time but if I had to pin down it's exact definition I would be hard pressed to come up with it. But thanks to my trusty Oxford American Dictionary I can now define it as a violent upheaval or disaster. Here are a few other fun definitions that I have found:

Penury: poverty

Colliery: a coal mine (did we really need another word for that?)

Baize: the green felt on a pool table ( I didn't even know that had a name!)

Tam-O-Shanter: one of those Scottish beret looking hats with a pom-pon on top that golfers wear (and yes, it is pom-pon)

Soporific: causing drowsiness or sleep (which I'm sure this post is likely doing to many of you)

Gamine: a girl with an attractively boyish appearance (Uh...what?)

Punnet: one of those green plastic baskets that raspberries are sold in (not to be confused with Punnett of square fame)

Agapitic: kind, unconditional love

Muscovite: a person from Moscow

Weft: the threads on a weaving loom that go up and down (The ones that go side to side have a name too but I forget it)

I also recently learned that English is one of very few languages that uses a thesaurus. I always assumed that every language had a thesaurus but no. English is kind of unique in that sense because it is rather old and has incorporated a lot of words from other languages and dialects. This is why the dictionary is so big and why we have need of a thesaurus. Pretty cool. Or neat, awesome, boss, keen, swell, etc., etc.

Anyway, while you digest that I am going to go grab my pricey radio-pedometer and head out. Because the dog won't walk himself.

New Job, New Rule, New Animal

2011-04-04T20:33:00.004-06:00

Ok so there really isn't a new animal, but it rounded out the title. I will tell you about some animals but lets get to the other stuff first.

So I finally got a job in my field! Hurray!! I am now employed full time as a Family Service Specialist with Mountainland Head Start. I get real people wages, health insurance, and the satisfaction of knowing that I am helping people. Also lots of stress and confusion for the first few weeks, but I'll get through it : ) Basically I work with the families of kids who are enrolled in Head Start making sure their needs and the needs of their child are met. So it's kind of like social work in a sense. I also enroll new kids in the program and conduct basic health screenings like blood pressure, height, weight, etc.

So far it has been pretty good. Lots of stress in figuring out the specifics and what is required of me, but I think it will really help me determine what direction I want to go in the future. When I graduated USU I was pretty sure I wanted to go to grad school to become a Physician Assistant. I haven't ruled that out yet but I am also keeping my options open and figuring out what the best fit for me will be.

So that is the new job. As for the new rule it is this: Boys are no longer allowed to make fun of girls for trying to do things for themselves that people don't teach them how to do because they are girls. For example: When I am trying to put air into a flat tire on a car and struggling to get the hose nozzle onto the valve on the tire because it is so deflated it has sunk inside the hubcap, you are not allowed to make fun of me for not knowing that the hubcap can be removed for easier access. Guess what? Nobody ever told me that! Because I'm a girl and nobody teaches girls about cars except maybe to change a flat tire. So when I try to educate myself by experimenting you can either keep your mouth shut or help me learn. In return, I will not make fun of you when you turn the oven to broil to cook a pizza, wonder why the dryer won't start when the lint trap is overflowing, or try to iron a silk shirt on a cotton setting. Deal?

(As a side note, I think there should be a class for girls specifically dealing with how cars work and how to conduct basic maintenence. I have just recently begun learning how an internal combustion engine works and it is interesting stuff. It makes me wonder what else I could have learned long ago had somebody expected me to learn it. But alas, nobody has great expectations for girls in regards to automechanics. Also, while we are offering classes, I think there should be a a set of classes required for basic life skills like managing money, understanding insurance, and what the heck a 401k is. I was marveling the other day at how bad some people are at managing their money when it dawned on me that money management isn't a part of puberty. It's not something that just comes to you with age. So I really shouldn't be surprised that some mid-lifers really suck at finances. )

Anyway, back to the topic at hand, which since we have covered new job and new rule is new animal. Like I said, the animal isn't new but it may give you a new take on an old one.

This is an Opossum:

And this is a Possum:

You will notice that the Possum is significantly cuter than the Opossum. At least in my opinion.

I was reading a book set in Australia the other day and they mentioned that Possums are marsupials, which came as a surprise to me because I thought that Australia had the market on marsupials. They generally do, with over 70% of species being found in or around Australia, but South America has a few as well, and North America has one: the Opossum.

Now, you may be wondering, as was I, why the "O". The word Opossum comes from the Native American (Algonquian) word apasum, meaning white animal. Like a lot of words in English it got Anglicized to Opossum but most people pronounce it possum. This was the case with Captain Cook's botanist who called the animal he saw in Australia a possum because he thought they looked alike. I think he had been at sea too long. Either that or he mistook another animal for the American Opossum, because trust me, once you have seen a dead Opossum with its snout curled back around it's razor sharp teeth you don't soon forget it. *Shiver*

So, now you know about the new job and the new rule and have a new perspective on two animals. And as an added bonus you now have a redeeming quality about Australia, as I promised earlier: their possums are cuter than ours.

Dingos Eat Babies and Post Office Boxes Eat Mail

2011-02-09T15:19:00.007-07:00

I was thinking the other day about that line from Seinfeld in which Elaine says to a friend "maybe the dingo ate your baby." I think most people have heard that line, even if they have never seen an episode of Seinfeld. But I don't think most people know the real story behind it. Well, here is your chance! (Though be warned that it is a pretty sad story.)

It comes from a landmark murder trial in Australia involving a woman named Lindy Chamberlain. She and her husband, a Seventh-Day Adventist pastor were on a weekend camping retreat thing with their 3 children at Uluru (Aka Ayers Rock, aka that giant red rock in the middle of the outback that you may remember from such films as The Rescuers Down Under. At least that's where I first saw it. Unless maybe it was featured in a terrifying film I also watched in my childhood called Fortress about the kidnapping of an Australian Kindergarten class. True story also but that's a story for another day, after I complete therapy from the effects of watching said film as a 6 year old.)

Anyway, Uluru is located just under the bird's beak here.

So sometime during this camping trip Mrs. Chamberlain left her 2 month old daughter Azaria asleep in the tent. She was only gone for about 10 minutes but when she came back the baby was gone, apparently taken by a dingo. Police conducted a massive search and found some of the baby's clothes and evidence that she had been killed but they never recovered the body.

You would think that would be the end of a sad story about the dangers of wild animals but police then went on to charge Mrs. Chamberlain with the murder of her daughter. No big deal, right? I mean, people don't go to jail in America when their kids are killed by bears so why should this be any different? Unfortunately for Mrs. Chamberlain she was convicted and sentenced to life in prison! She actually gave birth to her fourth child, a girl, while in prison.

Fortunately there is a slight upside to the story. After 4 years in prison a piece of clothing belonging to baby Azaria was found buried near a dingo's lair, which more or less proved that the dingo really did eat the baby and Mrs. Chamberlain was released from prison. Her conviction was later overturned.

Her story was later turned into a movie starring Meryl Streep called "A Cry in the Dark," which played several times on TV as the Saturday afternoon movie, which is where I first saw it as a kid (along with a whole host of B-grade movies). This is why when I first heard the line "maybe the dingo ate your baby" I thought it was slightly odd and wondered if there was a connection. Sure enough there is. And now you know too, which may ruin the line for you from now on. Sorry :(

Seems like everything I know about Australia is a bit less than inviting, unless you happen to find blue earthworms fascinating, which of course I do. But otherwise you have all sorts of deadly animals, crazy kidnappings and baby-eating dingos to contend with. I will have to see what sort of other redeeming qualities I can find about it to post later, so as to not give you the wrong impression of a very interesting continent.

In other news, and just so that you know that I do occasionally turn off the TV and get out of the house I think that we need to redesign post office drop boxes. I was walking to the post office the other day to mail some bills and after I dropped them in the box I sort of started panicking. The reason for this was that I felt like I had just put something very important into a trash can. A trash can with a welded on lid from which I could not retrieve said bills and could be charged with a federal crime for attempting to do so. I managed to calm myself down and remember that even if I had forgotten a stamp or mislabeled it it would kindly be returned to my house by a postal worker until such time as I could be a responsible adult and correctly learn to use the postal system.

Still, it got me thinking. It seems like there are only two instances where you insert things into a receptacle and don't get anything in return. These are the trash and the post office box. In every other instance you get some sort of product or confirmation when you insert something. Vending machines take money and give you candy. Gas pumps take money and give you gasoline. ATMs take cards and give you cash. They even give you your card back eventually. So it seems to me that the same should happen with post office drop boxes. They ought to dispense some sort of evidence that your important documents are safely houses within the confines of its dark blue interior. It doesn't even have to be a receipt per se. It could be a small paper with your fortune printed on it. That would make the prospect of going to the post office much more fun I think. Even a little blinking light would help. Just something to let you know that you are not crazy when your heart suddenly drops into your stomach after inserting your mail.

And in that vein, since you have invested your time and brain power into reading this post I would like to present you with the following token of appreciation and acknowledgement: Your many hidden talents will become obvious to those around you. Have a nice day.

A Proposal

2011-01-19T15:21:00.003-07:00

From me to you:

Yes you, the Greatest Spokesman in the World. You are just my type: Tall, Skinny, and Dorky. You make me laugh. You love your job at Nationwide Insurance and your enthusiasm is contagious. It makes me want to be enthusiastic in everything I do! And the cute dimples don't hurt either. Yes, I think we were meant to be together. And I am sure that if I call for a quote and then ask you to marry me you wouldn't think it was too forward. In fact, you would think it would be the greatest idea ever! We could be Mr. and Mrs. Nationwide and live happily ever after with our vanishing deductible. What do you say?

Perhaps this is a sign that I watch too much tv or that my love life is, as ever, dry as a desert. That is all true, but I think that if you were to try to come up with the ideal person for me you couldn't come much closer than this. Although Lacey told me once that I should marry this guy:

Yes, that's Numa Numa Guy. He definitely hits the dorky category but he could stand to work on the tall and skinny category. Then again, so could I. So maybe if things don't work out with Mr. Nationwide I could become Mrs. Numa instead. That has a nice ring to it. And a ring would be nice : )

The World is Awesome

2011-01-02T22:54:00.004-07:00

Did you know that this:

actually exists? In that color? Naturally? And nowhere near a toxic waste dump either. It actually lives in a very specific part of Australia and is pretty rare. They sometimes get dug up when new roads are being constructed or after heavy rain. It's an earthworm, in case you weren't sure, and no, it is not the only unusual earthworm in Australia.

This is a Giant Gippsland Earthworm and it regularly grows to be 10 feet long. The longest one ever recorded was 14 feet!! They also live in a very specific area of Australia (but not the same one as the blue worms) but similar worms are found in other areas of the world. (Anyone want to help me excavate my backyard?) Anyway, all this is just to say that the world is awesome. Just thought you should know.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-24T13:55:00.002-07:00

I have about a million things to discuss and questions to answer and I promise I will get to them. Soon. (I know, I always say that... Consider this your free lesson in patience : ) But for now I just wanted to link to this cute video of some kids in New Zealand acting out the story of the Nativity. It's just really cute and I don't think you will be disappointed if you check it out. So click here to see it and have a Merry Christmas!

Videos of Evan

2010-10-21T15:51:00.000-06:00

So these videos are mostly for my family because my email has a ridiculously low MB allowance on video attachments. Go figure. But anybody who likes cute babies is also welcome to watch the most adorable nephew in all the land : ) Evan, I apologize in advance for spoiling you. I just know I am not going to be able to help myself.
Disclaimers:
*I had to put each video in a separate post because blogger doesn't like me lately, maybe because I have neglected it. So you will have to scroll down to see the other videos. Sorry.
*I know that other people are used to the sound of my voice but I don't think I will ever get over how strange and annoying it sounds to me on tape and thus feel the need to apologize to anyone who has to listen to me : )
*I also forgot that turning the camera sideways when in video mode does not actually work. It just puts the video sideways. I'm sorry. He's still cute sideways though.
*You probably thought I would put a disclaimer in here saying that Evan may not in fact be the cutest nephew in all the land. But you would be wrong. He is. At least until he gets a brother or cousin. No disclaimers: )

Evan vs The Stairs

2010-10-21T14:36:00.004-06:00

Evan's Teeth

2010-10-21T00:48:00.004-06:00

Dancing Boy

2010-10-21T00:28:00.004-06:00

Called To Serve...

2010-10-11T16:31:00.004-06:00

This guy (My youngest brother Kyle)

Has been called to serve in the Korea Busan (Pusan) Mission of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Pusan is in the bottom right corner of this map. (Apparently there is some confusion as to whether it is Busan or Pusan because the mission call says Busan, but all the maps say Pusan. I am betting P's get pronounced as B's in Korean)

And here is a map of where the Koreas are in relation to the rest of the world. (Between China and Japan basically)

He leaves for the MTC on December 29, 2010. We are very excited and proud of him. Anyong Korea, here comes Elder Schultz!

I'm Alive! (Along With A Lot Of Men)

2010-09-26T21:54:00.003-06:00

So, I have been meaning to blog for a while now and I even got so far as to do a small amount of research on the causes of humidity, as per Elise's question, but alas, nothing came of it. I am still working on that one and hope to be able to answer it soon but for now I seem to have put up a mental block that is preventing me from grasping the concept.

In the meantime I have been keeping busy with work, microbiology, and genetics (there's another mental block...)( O. Chem is having to wait till next semester on account of there are more crazy people than I thought because the class was full and I couldn't get in.) Other than that things are pretty much the same in my life. Which, all things considered, is ok.

In the meantime, I got another question which has a pretty quick and easy answer, which is about all that I have time or the mental capacity for at the moment so I thought I would tackle it. The question is, are there more males or females born in the world or is it just 50/50?
If I had to guess I would think there were more females by far, based mainly on the fact that there seem to be no single guys around..... but actually, it turns out that there are more boys born than girls. (You'd think my odds would be better...)

Apparently there are about 105 baby boys born for every 100 baby girls. And even though women have a longer life expectancy than men (about 80 years to about 75 years) there are still more men on the planet at any given time than there are women. Which leaves only one question: Where are the good single ones? If you find them you are certainly welcome to direct them my way : )

Three Things (and one of them is really long)

2010-08-09T20:23:00.001-06:00

1. I finally read "Three Cups of Tea," which Rhonda reccommended to me approximately a grazillion years ago. And I loved it. So thanks for the reccommendation Rhonda. In the future I will try to get to your picks sooner : ) (This was a combination of the one copy the library had having holds on it for 8 months, being distracted by other interesting books, and forgetting that you had reccommended it.) At any rate it was a really great book and I thoroughly enjoyed it. And I highly reccommend it to anyone and everyone.
- Which reminds me, I have a bookshelf on my blog of the books that I have been reading and at one point there were stars underneath each book that indicated how much I enjoyed it. Most of them had lots of stars because I generally don't finish a book if I don't like it after 20 pages or so. There are some exceptions though, but the stars disappeared. So if you ever see a book I have read and wonder if it is worth reading just send me an email or leave me a post and I will give you my thoughts. And feel free to leave me reccommendations as well. I am always looking for good books.

2. I think I am more boring than ever right now. All I have to really post about is work, and work is the last thing I want to think about when I am away from it. (During it too, but I can't really get away from that.) Once school starts in a few weeks I will regale you with stories of my rounds with Organic Chemistry, which I have heard is really really difficult and which is therefore making me very nervous (so any encouragement from those of you who have taken it and think that I may be able to survive it would be greatly appreciated.) In the meantime I will tell you about work. Specifically, How to Annoy Your Cashier!

Rather than handing your cash to your cashier, put it on the scanner or the place where you write your checks. In other words, act as though she has some sort of horribly contagious disease or as if you were living in 18th century India and she was an "untouchable." It's sure to make her day.
Even better, you can put your cash on the conveyor belt. Nothing makes more sense than to send her scrambling to grab the bills and coins about to flip off the end of the MOVING OBJECT you just threw them onto. Don't worry, it doesn't make you look like an idiot at all. Nope.
Ignore your cashier while you carry on a non-essential cell phone conversation that even the person on the other end of the line doesn't want to listen to. Take lots of time unloading your groceries during said conversation because the people behind you are in no hurry and are clearly amazed at your multi-tasking abilities. When your cashier needs to communicate with you, indicate the inconvenience she is causing you and her low level of importance to the human race by mouthing an irritated response to her, rather than HANGING UP THE FREAKING PHONE like a civilized humnan and being considerate of anyone but yourself! (And just in case you were wondering, yes, it is always 100 percent appropriate to carry on a cell phone conversation in the bathroom while you are doing your business, especially if you are discussing something as important as which sheets to bring camping (True, very disgusting, story). That old common decency rule of only calling from the bathroom if you are having a baby or a seizure? So last century!)
Rather than taking the items out of the giant storage bin you put them in while you were shopping, just put the whole 3 foot tall bucket on the conveyer belt. It shouldn't be too difficult for her to reach over her head to fish them out blindly and scan them.
Go ahead, write out the whole check. Slowly. In cursive. After asking to borrow her pen. And what the date is. And the amount again. Then act like you shouldn't have to sign your name electronically because you already signed the check. The one that she is immediately going to hand back to you because the machine runs it like a debit card.
Stare at the sacks of groceries piling up on the turntable while your cashier struggles to continue scanning and bagging the 3 feet of them still on the conveyor belt. Don't lift a finger to put them in your cart. Allow her the pleasure of loading your groceries for you.
Tell her that you have X number of cornS. Not X ears of corn. This will give her the lovely pleasure of imagining your disgusting feet, filled with X number of cornS. She will eventually realize that you are referring to the vegetable, not the foot condition, but only after having that lovely mental picture ingrained in her head all day.
Please, bring your children under the age of 4 to the grocery store after midnight. Show society (and your cashier) what a great mom you are!

Ok, I realize that not all of these tricks apply to every grocery store, or even every cashier. Some places you do have to write out the check and most normal cashiers probably don't have my fascination with words that can mean two different things. But I would still say that the above rules will hold up pretty well in most situations. If you don't believe me, try one out on me during my next shift. I'm sure you'll love my response.

3. If I don't post often enough for you, I have recently discovered a new website that I have wasted plenty of time on myself and will now be kind enough to share with you. It is called hyperboleandahalf.com and this is one of my favorite posts. Be forewarned, she doesn't always have the cleanest mouth around but generally keeps things in check.

So there is my latest random post. Hopefully the next three things I think of to post about will be more interesting. If not, you can still send me questions and as promised ,I will come up with an answer that sounds plausible to me :)

Dear...

2010-07-21T18:53:00.003-06:00

Dear Self,

Why is it that whenever you think of something you can write about on your blog you completely forget what it was in the 8 second time frame between logging on to the computer and bringing up the internet?

Also, are you allergic to being fat? Because ever since you gained back all that weight you lost after your mission you have gotten increasingly, and annoyingly, itchy. What gives? Is that even medically possible? Will you just quit it already?

And really, why did you gain back all that weight? Ugh.

Dear Springville City,

Is it really necessary to shut down the north-south street that I have to cross to get to my house for 10 blocks for your construction project? Especially when every time I drive by one of the closed streets there is absolutely nothing going on and no reasonable explanation for why I can't just cut across, except for the 89 million orange barrels blocking the way. Also, if it is an absolute necessity to make me drive a mile out of my way to get home (even though you only have enough crew members and equipment to work on one block at a time) could you at least not open random streets at random times to get my hopes up, only to close them less than 24 hours later? Because that is just cruel. If I have to drive around you, fine, but don't tease me. We're both too old for that.
Additionally, would you consider repealing your anti-sign law? I know that you don't want city property to be littered with yard sale and puppies-for-sale signs, but people in this city have obviously found a way around this law. They now post their signs on their cars and park them on main street. This means that people interested in yard-sailing now slow down and brake ON MAIN STREET to jot down addresses, thus blocking traffic and posing a real danger to themselves and others. Would it be that difficult to create a new law allowing signs to be hung only for 24-48 hours before a yard sale? Then you could write tickets to the people who don't clean up their signs. This would be easy because their addresses are right there on the sign! You could just ticket them through the mail! Think of the revenue! Think of the eased flow of traffic! If you are not keen on that idea, how about making it legal to hit people who brake on main street to look at the yard sale signs?
One last thing: Are you aware that the haz-mat trucks that you park next to the library (where lots of people see them) say "Participating Agency's", rather than "Participating AgencIES"? I don't mean to be a stickler, but when it comes to a professional organization dealing with the clean-up and disposal of hazardous materials you really can't afford to have people question their confidence in you. Just a thought.

Dear Winco,

How could you discontinue the most delicious toffee caramel scones ever?! They were approximately 35% of your coolness (the other 65% being made up of your amazing low prices and your selling items like cereal, granola, sugar, etc per pound like bulk candy). I can't fathom that the scones weren't selling. Anyone who has tasted their deliciousness would be unable to restrain from buying them. So maybe your problem is advertising. In which case I would be willing to help you sell them using whatever skills I may have, even if it means going door to door giving out samples. You are a company that is very new to this area so I am sure that their not selling only has to do with not many Utahns having tried them and that once they do your sales of said scones will go through the roof. However, if you are still set on discontinuing them then could you please see fit to send me the recipe? That way at least I will be able to treasure them, even if nobody else knows how good they are.

Dear Russian,

I hope you were not offended by my last post. If you couldn't tell I am somewhat sarcastic. I don't really think you are a stalker and you are welcome to continue reading my blog. And I hope you do because it makes me feel important to have international readership :)

Dear certain people,

Isn't it just a teeny bit hypocritical to be so bullheaded about immigration when you yourself are the product of immigrants? I mean, I'm not saying open the borders and have a free for all but by your own zero tolerance policy the American Indians should technically be able to kick you the hell out of their land. Your immigrant parents didn't speak their language when they came here, and they weren't forced to learn it either. And wouldn't you know it, just a few generations later their progeny managed to assimilate into the culture just fine. (If by fine you mean becoming intolerant anti-immigration bigots :)

Dear Mosquitos,

Thank you for not biting me more this year. You have gotten me a few times but thanks to my fat allergy (see above) I don't think I could handle much more. So thanks for backing off.

And finally, Dear Readers,

Thanks for putting up with me and finding humor in what I write even if if seems like a giant rant (which at times it may be. And probably is.)

Whales Probably Have Clearer Thought Patterns Than I Do. But I Still Hate Them.

2010-06-26T22:26:00.004-06:00

Remember how I said that I was going write a real post soon? Yeah, this probably isn't it. I'm still not in a blogging mood and every time I think about writing something I get really really tired. So even though I kind of want to tell you about how much I hate whales and why, I am just not really enthused about it. So you will just have to be kept in suspense, which is bad for both of us because its not like its the funniest, most awesome story ever. But the waiting will make you excited for it, which will make me avoid telling it because I will think that I have to make it the most awesome post ever, which will make me avoid writing it for fear of failing miserably and losing all my readership (which apparently includes somebody in Moscow, Russia. I don't know anybody in Moscow, which makes me kind of nervous because what if it's a stalker person who is secretly planning to kill me? But then if they did kill me I wouldn't have to tell you the whale story and that would solve that problem and it wouldn't matter if I lost my readership because I would be dead. Shout out to you Moscow! But actually, maybe don't kill me after all and I will just tell the whale story now and save us all the suspense.)

I really wasn't planning on telling the whale story today and I apologize in advance if you are bored to tears by it or if you really really love whales, but please know that this is taking monumental effort on my part to tell. I mean, look at the horrible coherence of this post so far and you will clearly see that my thinking is tangential at best.

Anyway, back to sixth grade. I was a somewhat normal 11 year old starting fresh at the middle school. (Side note: When I was growing up there was a middle school AND a junior high and you went to both (middle school for 6-7th grade, Jr. High from 8-9th). I thought this was perfectly normal, but apparently elsewhere they just have one or the other. That's what you get when your high school is 60 years old and has more portables than actual building I guess) So there I was collecting moodies and figuring out how to work a locker like everybody else.

(These are moodies and they were more popular than anything since pogs when I was in middle school. Funny when you think about it. I mean, what could be more ironic than expressive little emoticons that tell you exactly what they are feeling being popular among the angsty non-communicative adolescent set that makes up 98.4% of the middle school?)

My best friend and I were super psyched that we had our English class together and our teacher seemed pretty cool. She even let us choose our own seats! This was unheard of in the elementary school. So of course we sat next to each other.

We didn't think much of it when our first writing assignment was to be about whales. And because we would all be writing about whales we would use some of our class time to learn about whales. No problem there. Less research to do on my own.

Now, up until this point my feelings about whales could best be described as apathetic. They were ok, but not something to obsess about like the Backstreet Boys (which of course I did, even going so far as to develop a crush on a boy I barely knew who happened to look like my favorite Backstreet Boy. Poor guy.)

But as the days turned into weeks, the weeks into months we continued to learn about whales. The right whale. The sperm whale. The orca. The narwhal (which is pretty much the only whale that I can still stand today, due to a hazy understanding of evolution that lead me to believe that they had descended from unicorns who were too proud to get into Noah's ark and thus had to learn to swim pretty quickly.)

(And really, how could they not be related? I love this picture)

We learned about the various uses of whale byproducts in the 1800s. We learned about what they ate (Krill. That's it. Stupid whales. They're like the koalas of the sea, with their exclusive diets of only one thing). We learned about how big they were, where they lived, how they gave birth, how they breathed, how they used echolocation, what their favorite colors were, who they had a crush on... no wait, that was me and best friend Chelsy. Anyway, we learned a whole lot about whales. We even went out to the parking lot and measured out the actual size of various whales and drew them with sidewalk chalk.

Finally, after several terms of learning about whales, of creating flashcards about whales, of turning in draft after draft of papers about whales, I had had just about enough. My apathy had slowly began to bubble into a deep dislike within my soul. Chelsy felt the same way. When the teacher began class one day with another diatribe about whales for the zagbillionth time Chelsy raised her hand and when called upon stated simply, "I hate whales."

Over 12 years later, I still have not forgotten the look on the teacher's face. It was as if Chelsy had slaughtered a puppy in front of her. She stood there with a look of complete and utter shock, unable to say a single word.

Now, I am a pacifist at heart so despite my dislike for the whales I tried to smooth over the apparent horror that Chelsy's statement had caused.

Me: I think what Chelsy is trying to say is that it is getting a little boring learning about whales after so much time and maybe we should...

Chelsy: No. I hate whales. I really do. That's all.

Me: I mean, hate is a strong word, so maybe she just means....

Chelsy: I. HATE. WHALES!!!!

Me: Ummm...

Teacher: Stunned silence

Jenny (Stupid artsy-fartsy superfake girl in English class): You know, whenever I start to get a little bored with learning about whales I just stop and think about what amazing creatures they are and how they can do so much and blah blah blah, defense of the whales, I'm a teacher's pet and am incapable of speaking in a normal way, instead choosing to articulate random syllables unnecessarily and pause for dramatic effect.

I don't remember exactly what happened after that. The rest of the day was kind of a blur as the dislike in my soul boiled over into pure, unadulterated hatred of the stupid whales and the utter inability of anybody in the class to see them for the floating blobs of lard that they are.

Even after all these years I still dislike them. It is probably misplaced hatred and what I really should hate is the essential brainwashing of an entire 6th grade class. I don't think Save The Whales International could do a better job of recruiting whale lovers than that 6th grade teacher did. (Maybe she was secretly working for them. Although, landlocked Utah is a strange place to do undercover whale lover brainwashing...)

Anyway, that is why I stand today with Tim Calhoun of Saturday Night Live as he says, "I like whales, but they have to go. I will organize a whaling party that will not stop until all the whales are dead."

And Nelson Munce of Simpson's fame as he proclaims "Nuke the Whales. Hey, you gotta nuke something."
(Okay, so maybe I am not that twisted and cruel. But if you ask me to go whale watching with you after this, I will slap you. And I will do the same thing and worse to any Russians who try to kill me. Just saying.)

Aww

2010-06-16T22:37:00.003-06:00

Just thought I would post a picture of this cute baby, since he has gotten so big and since I haven't been in much of a blogging mood lately (if there is such a thing). Plus, the kid's parents blog even less frequently than me if you can believe it, so the forums in which he can be shown off are limited.

You might not think it's possible, but he's even cuter in person : )

Oh, yeah, and things with me are ok. I'm just being lazy. One of these days I will get around to writing a "real" post, I promise. In the meantime, Evan will have to do : )

If You Can Forward, You Can BCC

2010-05-03T22:13:00.003-06:00

And you should!! Because in the first place, I don't want to get your quadruple forwarded email, but if I do, I don't want the 68,00 other people you forwarded it to to be able to see my PERSONAL, PRIVATE (I thought) email. Grrr. I have a junk account for that exact purpose. Maybe I should send out a mass email to everyone in my address book and tell them that if they have any forwards, spam, junk mail, etc to send me they ought to send it to said account. But of course, that would probably get forwarded again, thus defeating the purpose.

So instead I will tell you all about a neat little feature in your email account called the Blind Carbon Copy (BCC). This amazing (and amazingly simple) feature allows you to send out all the annoying forwarded emails you would like to everyone (everyone!) in your address book as if you were only sending it to one person. So everybody gets the email but they don't know that you also sent it to sexyman312@aol.com, moviemaven94@gmail.com, goth_gurl21@hotmail.com and all the other weirdos in your address book. They also don't have to scroll past all those names to get to the actual email you sent to see how naive you are. Granted, the way to access the BCC is different depending on which email service you use but generally it is found under the "To:" section where you type in the addresses of the people to whom you are sending your lame forward. I know it requires some brain power to figure out but if you can breathe on your own you should be able to get it.

And even if you are not a math genius you should be able to figure out that money isn't free. (Even if it comes from your parents, it wasn't free to them:) So if you get an email telling you that Microsoft will give you $250 for every person you forward an email to you should realize that it's too good to be true.

I am no math genius myself, but with the help of a calculator I was able to look into the economics of this proposition. (I think this math is correct, but if not don't leave me any snarky comments about my stupidity, thank you. I'm well aware.) Basically, for every 10 people you forward it to, you earn $2,500. That means that if 1,000 people forward it to 10 people each, they earn a collective 2.5 MILLION dollars. (Or Microsoft pays out 2.5 million dollars for every 1,000 people who forward it to 10 people, whichever makes more sense to you). The population of the US is around 300 million, but assuming that half of them (150 million) forward this email to 10 people each (this is where the math could get tricky, but remember that Microsoft is a global company so we're going to assume that each of those 150 million people could forward the email to people outside the US and not just to people in the US who would have already received it from somebody else) Microsoft would pay out 375 BILLION dollars!!!

Now you may think that Microsoft has that kind of money, but you would be wrong. In fact, they make about 60 billion dollars in revenue per year. A lot, yes. But still 6 times less than what they would have to pay to all those forwarders. It just doesn't make any economic sense.

I know most people hate math so here's an even simpler solution: snopes.com. This is an amazing website that will tell you all about folklore, urban legends, and the validity of forwarded emails. So if you get a forwarded email and you wonder if it's legit, all you have to do is go to their website and perform a simple search. (Just like google, and even if you can't do math I know you can do google.) There's pretty much nothing they haven't heard of and they will tell you with a big red sign if it's false (or a big green one if it's true).

But if you are too lazy or uninformed to do that, let me know when you get your check from Microsoft. I will have already gotten mine from the advertising company to whom I sold all the email addresses in your forward. HA HA!

Dreams Can Shatter Like Glass

2010-04-21T20:10:00.021-06:00

Ok, so that's an overly dramatic title. I haven't suffered any tragedies or anything like that but my recent trip to Seattle did crush a small dream I've harbored for awhile. But we'll get to that later. First, the travelogue. (Because that way I don't have to give it in fast and testimony meeting. Ha Ha. )

So two of my mission companions and I recently took a week-long trip back to Seattle before one of them moved to Hawaii for the next three years. It was a really fun trip. We got to see a lot of people we taught and worked with and do most of the things we didn't get the chance to do as missionaries. (Dork alert: we were all secretly excited that we got to go outside of our mission boundaries in all directions (if you include the ocean as a boundary, which I do since we were never allowed to set foot in it before). Seattle is a really small mission by the way. It basically covers one county. It looks like this:

Anyway, I could probably bore you for hours with mission information. Instead, I will bore you with travel pictures. This is the start of our journey into Seattle.

Yep, that's snow. It was there to greet us at Snoqualmie pass on the way into Seattle. Also, you will notice my grey sweater. You will be seeing a lot of it. I promise that I did change my clothes every day. I just also always wore my sweater so it looks like I didn't change for a week.

These are my former (now travel) companions Lindsey (I have an odd tendency to hang out with people named Lindsey. In Jr. High, two of my good friends were named Lindsey. Promise I'm not a narcissist) and Courtney. I call them McNovia and Powellita. Cause it's weird to think that mission companions have first names. They call me Schultz for the same reason.

This is me at the Seattle Center with my favorite animal: a whale. If you can't tell by my expression how I really feel about them Tim Calhoun from Saturday Night Live sums it up pretty well:"I like whales, but they have to go!" Let's just say that ever since 6th grade, whales are about as popular with me as Daylight Savings Time. But that's a story for another day.

This is me with the starfish I found and rescued at Alki Beach. It was low tide and he got stuck out of the water. I was secretly a little disappointed he wasn't dead because then I could keep him. But saving him was nice too :)

This is a crab that I found at Redondo beach in Federal Way. We used to jog along the boardwalk there in the mornings and the only redeeming quality was seeing the beach at sunrise. Even then, it was a stretch for me.

This is the troll under Troll street. It's kind of a random place for a troll, but really cool nonetheless.

We also visited the locks on Lake Washington. They have fish ladders for the salmon to get past the dam. As you can see from the picture they didn't have salmon. I guess April is a little early for them to start their journey upstream. Either that or they didn't want to see me in my grey sweater.

Another picture at the locks. I think these were supposed to be waves. We thought maybe an octopus at first, but there were only 7 of them so we're going to go with waves.

This is me outside the Museum of Glass in Tacoma. Those things behind me look like a water fountain but are actually glass.

This is the Venetian wall by glass artist Dale Chihuly. It's an enormous wall on a bridge outside the museum filled with glass pieces. The bridge actually crosses over a main street so you can pass under it in your car and see the pieces as well.

The picture makes it look small, but this vase is probably only about a foot or so shorter than me.

This is the Seaform Pavilion, where all the glass pieces are in a bridge over your head. I think if I were less socially inhibited I would have laid down on the ground and stared up at it all for hours.

Instead we took pictures like this.

And this. (This is me pretending to be artistic taking a self portrait. Ha)

And this is where my dreams began to shatter. This is the Hot Shop inside the museum where you can watch the artists work. Now, I am the first person to admit that I have no artistic abilities whatsoever. Even my stick figures have self-esteem issues. But I always attributed that to not having the right medium to work with. So secretly I always thought that if I had the opportunity to be a glassblower I would be good at it. My reasoning is that it seems to be more technical than other art forms. Painting and sculpting require a certain type of skill, which I definitely don't posses. But glassblowing seemed somehow more learnable. Like the piano maybe. Something anybody can learn with a little practice and patience. Then I watched him work:

This is Preston Singletary, who was a visiting artist the day we were there. (You can see some of his AMAZING work here.) After watching him work I realized that my ideas were all wrong and that in all likelihood I would be about as good at glassblowing as I am at sketching. (Which is very depressing.) I can't really explain what it was about watching him that made me realize this. I guess it was just the fact that there was so much more than just blowing air into hot glass and so many intricacies to the process than I ever imagined.

So now my secret dream of becoming a glassblower is pretty much shattered. Sigh. I guess I can still hold on to my dream of hosting Scientific American Frontiers. At least until I meet Alan Alda and watch him at work. Then I will have to come up with a new set of impractical but not impossible secret dreams.

In the meantime, I discovered a book on torchwork, which is like glassblowing but on a much smaller scale. It involves using a blowtorch to shape glass rods into things like beads and rings. With my track record of clumsiness I am a little leery about taking it up but I think I might just be able to do it without burning down the garage. And if I do, I will call the remains "Artist's Dreams" and sell it to an art museum.

You Can Count, Right?

2010-04-20T16:43:00.002-06:00

Because if not your kindergarten teacher should be beaten. And if you can count to twenty and still come through my express lane with 48 items, you should be beaten.
I'm just sayin'.
Also, while I'm on the subject of grocery store checkouts I will let you in on a little secret: The self checkout lanes are sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much slower than any cashier, even one-armed Tina. In order to save any time at all at a self-checkout lane ALL of the following conditions must be met (ALL OF THEM! NO EXCEPTIONS!) :

You must have fewer than 10 items. More likely 5, but maybe you are one of the exceptional people who can handle 10
You must not have any produce. Zero. Even if you are a genius. No exceptions.
You must not have any items you do not want bagged. Yes there is a skip bagging button but if you have to press it you will not save any time and will only become frustrated at it when it refuses to let you continue without the assistance of a cashier.
You must not have multiples of any item, especially items you don't want bagged. See above.
You must be willing to accept the machine as omnipotent. I do not care if you are the offspring of Stephen Hawking and (I'm trying to think of the most genius female ever and I can't come up with one. I'm not so sure how I feel about that...) I'm sorry, but you are not smarter than the machine if you stand there slack-jawed with your scanned item in hand while the screen reads "please bag item." Berating the machine to its screen, while amusing to the cashier, will only serve to prove your inferiority and unworthiness before the all-knowing machine.
You must not have unruly children with you. (And really, who comes to the grocery store without unruly children :)
You must not be purchasing phone cards, electronics, restricted items (R movies, cold medicine, spray paint, etc) or price matching any items. All of those require the assistance of a cashier, who is probably busy helping 3 other novices who foolishly thought they could beat the odds and take on the machine.

In other words, if you are just buying chapstick, please, feel free to use the self-checkout. Otherwise, please wait behind the jerk with 48 items in the express lane to check out. And don't be frustrated when she pays with a combination of cash, check, credit card and beads. It's still better than hearing "Please wait for assistance."

Cow Magnets

2010-04-19T16:51:00.004-06:00

And you didn't even know cows had magnetic properties!

I was reading a book today and one of the characters was a farmer who briefly mentioned cow magnets. Never having heard of such a thing and thinking that since it was a work of fiction perhaps the author was making things up I decided to investigate.
And guess what? There really are such things as cow magnets. But they aren't gigantic magnets to attract cows.

Apparently cows have a propensity to eat random metal objects in the course of their grazing and this can obviously lead to digestive problems. Enter the cow magnet.This magnetic rod is fed to calves at branding time where it gets stuck in one of the stomach chambers and attracts said metal objects. In the book the farmer says that they are eventually passed through the cow's system but according to wikipedia they just stay in the stomach. Either way I found it fascinating on two counts. One, that cows are more goat-like than I had ever suspected and actually swallow things like barbed wire and Two, that humans invented such an interesting solution.
I can think of maybe one of my friends who has heard of these things and is probably not particularly impressed but I expect the rest of you to be as fascinated as I am. Isn't the world such an interesting place ?

I'm So Hungry I Could...

2010-03-11T19:41:00.002-07:00

Throw Up! Lemme guess, you were thinking I would say "eat a horse" right? Well, for some people that may be the way they feel. But feeling nauseous or throwing up are also options. Maybe not super common, but hey, the world needs a little variety right?

I must admit I haven't really experienced this myself. Mostly when I'm hungry I get really irritated and short tempered and nobody wants to be around me. Same goes for when I'm really tired. So basically as long as I am fed and well rested I'm a pretty pleasant person. According to my mom this has been the case pretty much since I was born. What can I say, I'm a creature of habit.

But back to the original point which is that some people experience nausea or even vomiting when they are really hungry. Elise first brought this phenomenon to my attention and asked why it would be the case (she seems to have a lot of good questions like that). And I have finally found an answer. I think.

At first I thought that it had something to do with Substance P. And no, I didn't just make that up. Substance P is a neurotransmitter associated with pain and inflammation. It is found in high quantities in the emetic (read: vomiting) center of the brain. There is also a drug that is a Substance P antagonist that is used to stop nausea and vomiting in patients on chemotherapy. So I thought that maybe when your body has little or no food in it Substance P levels increase and cause nausea and this may be the case. But only because I couldn't find any studies saying that this wasn't the case: )

Amazingly enough, scientists who are interested in studying Substance P do so in rats and apparently it's hard to measure nausea in a rat, since they can't really see it and the rats can't fill out surveys or anything. So there just aren't really any studies to confirm my hypothesis. And considering the way my experiments tend to go I am thinking it's best that I don't set up a study myself : )

There is however a disease (I hesitate to call it that because it sounds so dirty and really it's not. So we'll call it a condition ) that can cause these symptoms. And its pretty common. Hypoglycemia to be exact. (Literally meaning "under-sweet blood." Which makes me wonder how you would know the proper sweetness level of your blood to begin with.) Anyway, it turns out that a common symptom of hypoglycemia is nausea. So it is possible that people who would rather throw up than eat a horse when hungry (and honestly I don't think anybody really wants to do either) may be slightly hypoglycemic. You'd have to go to your Dr. to be sure, but if the problem goes away after you eat then there's a pretty good chance that this could be the case. Unless you did eat a horse, in which case you have bigger problems to deal with : )

Crisis (Narrowly) Averted

2010-03-03T14:28:00.002-07:00

As you may have noticed, the days are getting longer. (The hours of sunlight actually. Again, there are always 24 hours in a day.) This means that it gets dark later. Where I am it doesn't get dark until about 6:15, which I LOVE!!!! And even better, the hours of sunlight in the day increase every day and will keep doing so until about June 20th when we will get a full 12 hours of beautiful beautiful sunlight. That gives me something to look forward to every day till June! (I know, I'm simple that way)
So you can imagine that I was upset when I heard about the Chilean earthquake knocking the whole earth off its axis and thus decreasing the hours of direct sunlight it receives. (And just to be clear, this wasn't the most upsetting thing to me about the earthquake. I'm not that shallow. I was also really concerned about the increase in the cost of Chilean produce we are bound to see. Kidding!) Anyway, for somebody who is as excited about sunlight as I am this was bad, bad news. However, the sunlight crisis of 2010 has been narrowly averted. How narrowly, you might ask? By approximately 1 millisecond. That is how much less daylight we will see because of the shift in the axis. Impressive to a scientist, to be sure, but I think its something I can live with. 8 milliseconds is a dealbreaker though, so lets cool it with the earthquakes for awhile, eh mother nature?

Going Private...

2010-03-02T22:40:00.001-07:00

Is not something I am going to do. Just thought I would let you know, since it seems to be the trend as of late. Maybe someday that will change but for now my readers (all three of them) can breathe easy and keep viewing without logging in : )

PS- This is not a jab at those of you who are going private. I just felt a little left out : )

More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About Seeds

2010-02-22T23:00:00.010-07:00

Or maybe just as much as you wanted to know. If you make it through the end of this post you'll have to tell me which it was.
After the post about the unexpected sunflowers I got a lot of questions about seeds and flowers and the like.
(Incidentally, my plans for roasted sunflower seeds never came to fruition {Ha ha, fruition, how appropriate}. There were several reasons for this , the main one being that the seeds never got very big. Maybe about half the size of normal sunflower seeds. Also, there were only two flowers so there weren't that many seeds in the end. Also I was lazy. Mainly I was lazy. It just didn't seem worth the effort to harvest, dry them, look up how to cook them and do so when I could go a few blocks and get a huge bag of ready to eat sunflower seeds for a couple of bucks. And in a variety of flavors like ranch and bacon. [Really and truly. They have bacon flavored sunflower seeds. To me they just taste like salt though, so they aren't my favorite.]
Anyway, back to the seeds. For lack of creativity on my part (I blame it on my un-stimulating job but it could be something I was born with. Or without, I suppose) I'm just going to list the questions and answer them.

Q1: How do you tell the difference between types of seeds?
A1: Well if I knew the answer to that I would be eating watermelon right now, wouldn't I? However, since the mishap with the sunflowers I have since learned that there are two other ways to identify seeds. The first is that they tend to look like the plant they grow into.

Case in Point

Mmmm. Gotta get some of those. However, the most reliable way is to consult an expert (read: not me), either a gardener or a book or maybe the internet. Whichever you prefer.

Qs 2&3: Can you eat raw/uncooked seeds and can you plant cooked seeds?
A: Yes and no, respectively. That is to say that, yes, you can eat raw seeds (with caution. More on that later) but you can't plant cooked seeds. Well, I guess you could plant them, but don't expect anything to grow from it. (Except maybe weeds. They seem to be the only things that are subject to spontaneous generation.)
Subjecting seeds to high heat (aka cooking) destroys their reproductive abilities, so planting cooked seeds would only be worth your time if you wanted to fertilize the soil.
As for the caution in eating raw seeds, some of them contain high levels of phosphorous, which through a complex physiological process that I won't go into detail about (meaning, I don't know ;) causes calcium loss in the body. (Actually, I vaguely recall something like that from physiology. That's not saying much though. Physiology itself is a vague recollection for me.)

Q3: Are there sunflowers without petals?
A: No. I have never seen one and couldn't find an example of one anywhere so I am making a cataclysmic decision that they don't exist. I mean, the first thing people generally notice about a flower is its color. Which is found on its petals. So if it has no petals it isn't really a flower, right? Sounds plausible, no? So that's what we'll go with.
However, there are a few flowers I found that if you squinted real hard and had really bad allergies and maybe some optic nerve damage you might mistake for a sunflower without petals.

Example AThis is a sunflower that has lost its petals. It had them once but they fell off. This has been known to happen from time to time and when it does people might think that it never had them to begin with. Hence, the petal-less sunflower.

Example B
(And the most likely, in my opinion)

This is called a yellow cone flower. It looks a lot like a sunflower and if it lost its petals I think it might just look like a sunflower without petals. Just maybe.

Example C

This is called a pineapple weed and its a stretch. But again, optic nerve damage can do funny things to your eyes, so maybe somebody could mistake this for a sunflower without petals.

Q4: What kinds of garden plants grow in Logan?
A: The person who asked this question isn't going to live in Logan after all so I am assuming he/she doesn't really care anymore, therefore I am not going to answer this question. Ha Ha Ha!
I will tell you though, that a hardiness zone is a geographically-defined area in which a specific type of plant is capable of growing and that a certain college town in northeastern Idaho is in hardiness zone 4. The zone number depends on the harshness of the winter and a 4 means an extreme winter low of -30 to -20 degrees Fahrenheit : ) So you can look up a particular plant's number and as long as it can survive that kind of cold then it will thrive in your area. Too bad people don't come with those numbers too.
Well, we have reached the end of this post and I have pretty much exhausted my knowledge of plants, so if you have anymore questions, you'll have to askSomeoneelse :)

Not Forgotten

2010-02-18T21:30:00.002-07:00

Just wanted to say that I have not forgotten about your very interesting questions and I do plan on answering them. Soon. I just have been a little busier than I was expecting lately. So, be patient. In the meantime, tell me your favorite word (or words). For some reason I have been thinking about mine lately and one of them is penguin. I also like it in Spanish: pinguino (pin-gwee-no). Maybe more in Spanish, hard to say. Anyway, that's all for now. Thanks for continuing to read : )

Generally Not A Fan...

2010-01-27T19:18:00.006-07:00

But for these I'll make an exception.

As a general rule, I don't like leggings. There are very few fashion trends from the 80's that should ever see the light of day again and in my opinion leggings are not one of them. Leggings in church, especially over dresses that are essentially long shirts, were once on my "things that must go" list. Just because they cover your legs doesn't mean they are appropriate in that setting. I mean, skin does the same thing right, so really why bother wearing pants at all? That being said, I think there are a few ways that they can be worn tastefully, though you will never see me demonstrate those ways. (I'm sure you all look to me as a fashion icon and take what I have to say about the subject very seriously, right? :)

Anyway, I randomly came across these skeleton leggings on the inter-web and there is only one word for them: Awesome! I so wish I had known about these when I was taking anatomy. Maybe I would have gotten a better grade :) Actually they're probably not really anatomically correct, but I still love them. Maybe because they remind me of this guy:

Did anybody else watch this show as a kid? I think I was a little too young to really get what he was teaching about the body but I thought his suit was cool, in a creepy sort of way. Apparently he still tours the country and does educational assemblies in elementary schools. (Sidenote: I would love to get his opinion of the full body scan machines at airports. Wouldn't it be kind of ironic if he were against them?)

Anyway, in conclusion, if any of you would like to wear the leggings shown above you have my express permission to do so and the official AskLinds Seal of Awesomeness, which I just made up but will now use in the future: ) Just make sure your shirt-dress covers your butt when you do.

A Lesson in Botany

2010-01-17T22:09:00.005-07:00

This is a sunflower

More on that later. First, a few items of business. (Random information you probably don't care about knowing: Every time I spell the word business I pronounce it BUS-EE-NESS in my head, as in the big yellow bus. I do this because I used to have a hard time remembering whether it had one s or two. I also always say BEE-EE-AE-YOU-TIFUL when spelling beautiful, for much the same reason.) Anyway, the business.

Um, I have been a slacker. Every time I think about writing something on this blog it works up into such a monumental task in my head that I lose any sliver of interest I had. This wouldn't be so much a problem except that I have been doing it with many other things in my life as well. Such as communicating with my friends. If this is you (and it most likely is, because I think anyone who reads my blog is pretty cool and I would be your friend even if I don't really technically know you right now) then I apologize. I don't know why it is that when I feel most isolated and really need to keep in touch with people it becomes the last thing I want to do. Strange.

Anyway, I apologize and propose that as a partial solution we examine the name of this blog. That is, AskLinds. Now, if you separate the syllables in this name, you will see that it becomes two words: Ask Linds. Crazy, I know! But, in order to help me get out of this funk of slackerness and apathy, I propose that you the readers ask me some questions : ) (I know my track record for answering questions promptly is pretty poor but I think that the quality of my answers somewhat makes up for that, right? And I promise I'll try to do better) Anyway, like I tell people, I may not know everything (and definitely don't), but if I don't know the answer I'll make up something that sounds plausible to me :) So if you have something that you've always wondered about but never really gotten around to finding out, send me your thoughts and I will see if I can come up with something. I think it will be good for all of us.

That concludes the business portion of this post. Now back to these guys.

These sunflowers are about two feet tall and growing in my bedroom. This is due to a project that my dad conducts every winter to stave of his slackerness during the cold months, namely a mini-greenhouse. Being as how my bedroom gets ample sunlight from the two windows (which also allow ample cold in) the greenhouse is set up there. This has never really bothered me because I was always at school in the winter so I never saw much of it. This year, knowing that I would be living in the greenhouse, I decided that I might as well participate. So I decided to grow some watermelon.

This was a bit of an afterthought actually. My dad happened to notice some volunteer watermelon plants growing in the crack between our patio concrete and the grass. We figured maybe they had sprouted from people spitting seeds from the back porch. It seemed more sanitary than volunteer tomato plants and I don't like tomatoes anyway, so I brought them inside, visions of ripe watermelon in my head.

I was a little surprised after a few weeks to see that they grew straight up, rather than spreading like a typical vine, but I figured maybe they were trying to attach themselves to the blinds. But when they started to sprout big yellow flowers I suddenly remembered the bird feeder hanging from the back patio. The bird feeder which we stock with sunflower seeds.

Not exactly the juicy watermelon I had envisioned. Then again, it does brighten things up a bit. And maybe I'll get some roasted sunflower seeds out of it :)

I Get The Point

2009-12-13T17:33:00.001-07:00

But I had to wait a good 4 or 5 years for you, so you're just gonna have to be patient little guy.

Just Because

2009-11-20T21:17:00.005-07:00

Not much is new with me so I thought I would post a few pictures of Evan. Because I can. And he's cute :) (I'm afraid the background on my blog kind of bleaches him out and lightens everything but he's still pretty cute.)

On an unrelated note, does anyone have any good ideas for Christmas presents for parents? I think Heidi and Jeff are probably off the hook this year, since they have given them the first grandchild. I definitely can't top that, but any other suggestions would be good. Feel free to comment mom :)

It's A Boy!!!

2009-11-08T19:16:00.005-07:00

And I'm an aunt! Evan Michael Clift was born at 4:51 am, Sunday November 8th, in Shreveport Louisiana. He weighed 7 lbs 6 oz and is 19.5 inches long. Mom, dad, and baby are understandably tired but doing well. Congratulations Heidi and Jeff and welcome Evan. Can't wait to meet him!

Baby Evan

Holding dad's hand

The proud parents

(Ps- Heidi, sorry I didn't give you the chance to post first but I figured it might take a few days and I just had to show him off. You can beat me later I guess : )

Yet Again

2009-11-02T13:34:00.001-07:00

I know how you feel, little guys. I know how you feel.

Must Be A Virus

2009-10-26T23:27:00.016-06:00

And surprisingly not the swine flu. Or the regular flu. I am hoping for a certain level of herd immunity on those two since the vaccine supply here is non-existent and I am not in a priority group anyway. If I'm lucky I should be able to get one about mid February. In the meantime, it seems I have caught a full blown case of the craft bug.

I had thought that I was already immune. That the very core of my being was so craft illiterate that it wouldn't recognize a craft bug if it was quilted and covered in glitter. But somehow, when I was least expecting it, I got hit. And these are some of the results.

An apple pie. A homemade apple pie. A made-from-scratch-including-the-filling-and-both- crusts apple pie. I know that this is not a craft, but considering that the only thing I didn't do from scratch with this pie is hand-mill the flour, I am counting it. I think the apples that came from our tree and which I peeled, cored and sliced myself, were harboring a virulent strain of the craft bug and that's where the whole thing started. Because then I found myself making these.

These leaf prints were actually surprisingly easy to make. Even more surprising is the fact that I finished them. Within a week. And hung them on my wall. On the rare occasions when I am forced into crafting, such as for Young Women's activities and the like, I rarely finish the project within a year. You only need to see the unfinished state of my "Temple Wedding Time Capsule" from a Young Women's Activity EIGHT years ago to realize that I am quite serious about this procrastination. (Maybe the reason I am not married is because I never finished it...Hmm... So if I DO finish it, does that mean I will get married? If so, I will probably have to wait for a few more years to catch another craft bug to be motivated enough to finish it. Also, don't think that I haven't finished it because I am planning some elaborate wedding. No, no. Not for me. I actually just have to seal it to have it be considered "finished." It is in one of those metal cans that you use for storing flour and sugar and the like and I don't have one of the machines that seals it. So eight years later, its still sitting in a drawer in my room somewhere. And probably will be for another eight years.)

Anyway, back to the leaf prints. Here they are all finished and hanging neatly on my wall, which I painted green by the way. But I promise it is not such a barfy color in real life. Blame that on the camera I guess.

It was really easy and they turned out pretty good. I just took some leaves and dipped them in craft paint, mixed with a little water, and pressed them onto some fabric. Then I used some fabric glue to stick them onto some boards I found in the garage, glued some ribbon onto the back for a hook and hung them on the wall. I liked the result so much that I decided to do leaf prints on a bag. The only problem was that I didn't have a bag. So I made one.

Now, here is where it gets really crazy, because not only do I not sew, I don't even know how to thread the machine. Seriously. And I have taken several sewing classes. Why they can't make a self threading sewing machine is beyond me. Or even one with arrows pointing to the various holes you have to wind the thread through. I mean, really, you have to guide the thread through like 5 different gadgets just to get it to the needle. Is that really necessary? Fortunately for me, my mom had just finished a sewing project herself and had left the machine threaded. So I went ahead and made this.

I MADE IT! I'm telling you, I was ill. Really, truly ill. Anyway, the only fabric we had lying around when I got this idea in my head was some drafting paper (which is actually really thin linen that has been starched into compliance) so it turned out to be kind of a flimsy bag, but a bag nonetheless.

This virus was unrelenting. It even manifested itself with random creativity. Case in point: After I painted my room I was going to put the curtains back up but I suddenly got this idea that they didn't really go well with the new look and I decided to change things up a bit. I was thinking of hooks and my mom found these cute bird hooks at Tai Pan Trading (Of course she found them. Like I would ever set foot in there of my own accord :)

So I nailed them to the wall and used some willow branches as curtain hooks. The curtains will probably be up in a few years when I catch another virus, but in the meantime here is what the rods look like.

(I took the pictures at night so the colors are really off. It's usually a lot brighter and less olive-y but you get the idea.)

Just so you know how bad this virus was, it even gave me the motivation to finish a project I started two years ago!

I had been meaning to frame these pictures from my mission for a long time but I could never find a frame that had the extra long mat to fit the Seattle skyline picture. But when we went back to Tai Pan to get the bird hooks I found this frame and altered it a little. The top part of the mat originally had two photo slots but I just used an exacto-knife and cut them into one. (The fact that I even know what an exacto-knife is should give you a clue to just how badly this bug affected me.)

Fortunately I survived my bout with the craft bug, and I even got a few cute things out of it. Thankfully I am over it now and I should hopefully be craft free for a few years. Too bad it doesn't offer any immunity against the flu :)

Officially

2009-10-13T12:41:00.008-06:00

So even though I have known for almost two months that I was going to officially finally graduate, I didn't want to jinx anything until I had the proof in my hands. Well, my diploma finally arrived so I feel I can finally say that I am actually a graduate. Whew! Heavy sigh of relief. So here is a picture of the most expensive piece of paper I have ever owned.

In case you can't read it I have been awarded a Bachelor of Science in Health Education Specialist (My degree is actually in Health Education with an emphasis in Community Health. Not sure why they wrote it the way they did. Oh well.)
Here are a few more pictures.

Diploma Cover

Inside of Diploma

Since my graduation date was in August and ceremonies are only held in May and December I had the option of walking before I actually completed all my classwork (which, call me superstitious but I felt like that would jinx me even more. As it was I finished my internship hours and got all my papers in just two hours before the final deadline!) or walking this December after I had been out of school for four months (which seems a little anti-climactic). So I have basically decided not to walk this time around, which I am ok with. I would have had to buy a robe and pay money and sit through a boring ceremony and be in Logan in the freezing winter and not really have any classmates graduating with me. Plus I've never really been one for pomp and circumstance, so all in all I am ok with the decision. I figure that I will walk when I get my master's degree, which for right now is the plan. Assuming that I can find a job that will give me experience in health care, take one or two more prerequisites, and get accepted into a PA program. It may be awhile before all that happens. So for now I am just focusing on the job part.

Anyway, I am glad to finally be caught up to all my friends that I started college with: ) It only took an extra two years! I don't think I will ever get caught up in the marriage and babies categories, which at this point in my life I am quite ok with : ) I like being in the honorary aunt category.

One more thing. Since I didn't go out for the whole robe and ceremony deal there are no pictures of me on "graduation day." So I thought I would share this picture instead, which is a picture of a photo (got that?) that hangs on the mantle in my parents' living room. On the right is me sitting on the A, and on the left is my grandpa (my mom's dad) standing next to the A. He was the first USU graduate in our family (in engineering) and I am proud to be part of the legacy.

Utah State Hey! Aggies all the way! Go Aggies! Go Aggies! Hey Hey Hey!!!

A Weed By Any Other Name...

2009-09-13T21:25:00.005-06:00

Would be Crocosmia. Or Montbretia. Or any number of other local names, such as Copper Tip or Falling Star. The following is a picture of said "weed"

Personally, I think it is all in the eye of the beholder.

Anyway, a while ago Elise asked me if I could identify this flower that she saw frequently in the northwest on her journey from Washington to Virginia (that's the state, not DC...long trip!), or if I knew a way to identify things from their pictures. And since I still don't have a job (what is the deal with "experience"? Does education count for nothing?! I mean, I can't get a job without experience and without a job I can't get experience. Something's gotta give here! Also, why the arbitrary amount of experience? Is 2 years absolutely necessary or can I get by with 20 months? Not that I have 20 months of experience because, oh yeah, nobody will hire me because I have no experience! Do you see the problem here?) and my only other project at this point in time is peeling wallpaper in my room (now officially the second biggest bane of my existence) I decided to see if I could figure it out.

I started with a google image search for red flowers but that quickly went nowhere. So then I figured that it was probably a wildflower so I searched for "red wildflowers of the northwest" which miraculously got me nowhere :) However, it did turn me onto Flickr. Flickr is kind of like a cross between Facebook and Photoshop where you can edit your pictures and share them with other people. There are photo sharing groups on Flickr for pretty much every subject that you could possibly be interested in, from llamas to babies falling asleep in their food. (Actually, I can't attest to those two groups in particular because I didn't really search for them, but I would still say there is a pretty good chance they exist.) In this case I found a group dedicated to shooting and sharing pictures of wildflowers. And while I still didn't find a picture of this particular wildflower I did notice a few conversations going on in the comments section in which people were asking the very question Elise had. Namely, how in the world do you identify something solely from its picture?

The answer: flowerguide.com. It is a site run by a floral company or something and they have common flowers listed in alphabetical order with a written description of color, size, shape, other names, etc, and a photo of each. Fortunately for me, Crocosmia is fairly high in the alphabet :)
At any rate, once I found the site it only took about 5 minutes to identify the flower and a quick trip to Wikipedia to learn the following facts about Crocosmia:

It is a member of the Iris family (Probably my second favorite flower, after California Poppies. In case you were wondering.)
It is actually native to South Africa
They are usually Orange or Red in color
The flowers are hermaphroditic (Mostly I just thought that was a cool word and didn't know it existed so I thought I would share it with you)
The name Crocosmia comes from the Greek Krokos, meaning saffron, and Osme, meaning smell. Apparently they smell like saffron.
They are actually an invasive species in the Pacific Northwest of the US. In other words, they are a WEED!!

I was kind of surprised by that because I think I would much rather have these growing in my front yard than the dandelions that like to make their home there. But weeds they are, since apparently they can choke out native flora and fauna. (Sidenote: Flora and Fauna mean plants and animals respectively and always make me think of Flotsam and Jetsam, which you might be surprised to learn are not just evil hench-eels [hench-eels. HA! I love it!] in Disney's The Little Mermaid, but maritime terms for wreckage left floating in the sea after a shipwreck (flotsam) and cargo thrown overboard by distressed ships and either sunk or washed ashore (jetsam). Also, they are a heavy metal band from Phoenix, Arizona, but that's not really my thing).

Anyway, I think they are quite beautiful and wouldn't mind if they decided to invade Utah. As it is, we get invasive species like cheat grass, which is not only plain and boring but also presents a fire danger in the summer. I think it would be much cooler to look out into a field that you thought was on fire and find that it was actually the bright reds and oranges of these "weeds."

In conclusion, weeds are just expatriate flowers out roaming the world, experience is overrated, and wallpaper will be the preferred decoration in hell and scraping it the preferred method of torture.
Also, I would like to suggest the name Montbretia for any friends or family of mine who plan on having children or are currently expecting. After all, a Montrbretia by any other name would smell like saffron :)

Mold Surgery

2009-09-07T22:38:00.013-06:00

That would be the literal translation for plastic surgery if you were to translate it from the original Greek. But don't worry, it's not the yucky green stuff that has an affinity for proliferating in unclean bathrooms (like the one in my basement, cough, teenage brother, cough....) That would make for some pretty unsanitary surgery. Although, on second thought, mold is the original antibiotic so maybe it wouldn't be too bad? I mean, gross for sure, but maybe not lethal. At the very least un-beneficial. So moving on.

Anyway, plastic surgery gets its name from the Greek word for "to mold" (which on second thought doesn't really clarify....hmm.) Well, let me explain. The term "plastic surgery" has been around much longer than the stuff water bottles are made of. Plastic, both the surgery and the name for the material are taken from the Greek word "Plastikos" which means "to mold" or "to shape." It was first practiced over 4,000 years ago (I can't believe that surgery existed that long ago, not to mention plastic surgery, but apparently it did) in the form of skin grafts and such.

The history of plastic surgery in the US begins in earnest around 1830, when surgeons began to repair cleft palates. After that it got a big boost from various wars, especially World War I, due to the various non-lethal injuries that soldiers sustained. There were a lot of advances in skin grafts and burn treatment at that time and in 1931 the American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons was formed. After that it was pretty much history. The shift from reconstructive (repairing birth defects or injuries) to cosmetic (purely for aesthetic reasons) happened slowly but got a big boost in the 1960s and 70s. Nowadays when you say plastic surgery most people (well, at least, I) think Hollywood glamor/beautification. But even though the glamor aspect is probably more common, the repair aspect is still important and still practiced.

As I was looking up the various types of surgery offered, I realized that the idea of beauty and glamor is pretty subjective. I was amazed to learn that among other things, plastic surgeons can

Turn your outtie bellybutton into an innie (But not the other way around. Interesting sidenotes that I learned about bellybuttons: Did you know that there really is no reason for it to be one way or the other? The doctor can't make it be an innie or outie when you are born by tying or cutting the umbilical cord a certain way. Actually, tying is a myth. They put a little plastic clamp on it after they cut it to stop any residual bleeding and then they just let the cord fall off on its own. This usually takes about a week or so, but it can actually stay put for 3 months or more! About 85% of people are outties but nobody really knows why)
Etch a six pack on your abdomen,
Enhance your calf with implants (Is the plural of that calves? Is that confusing to anyone else?)
Shorten your second toe if it is bigger than your big toe (or if you just happen to think it's too long. Whatever)
Implant hair from your head into your eyelashes
Fork your tongue
Make your ears pointy like an elf (also pin your ears back if you were born with pointy ones that stick out)
Create dimples if you don't have them
Bedazzle your eyeball (seriously, they implant a little jewel just under the conjunctival layer of the eye...because, you know, that wouldn't be at all irritating. Can you imagine allergy season? Ugh!),
Create a permanent nose piece for your glasses!(This is actually more of a piercing but it was so interesting that I had to include it here.)

It is also possible to alter people's Asian eyes to make them look less "ethnic", which understandably upsets quite a few people, and fill in holes in your ears from piercing. I think I would have that done because I never wear earrings anyway as I am allergic to most of them. You know, if I had extra money lying around. So pretty much I am going to go through life with holes in my ears :) I can live with that.

I used to be very opposed to plastic surgery (At least for aesthetic reasons. Cleft palate repair is a different story), but now I am not so sure. I mean, I would still say that eyeball bedazzling and tongue forking are on my list of surgeries that should never be done, but I am somewhat less opposed to other procedures. I think this is because I just recently realized that one of my nostrils is bigger than the other. Really. It's kind of weird. I always hated school pictures because when I got them back it looked like I was flaring my nostrils, or you could see up one of them, or sadly, in one picture you could see a shiny rim of snot around the edge. I never figured out that the problem was with my nostrils and not the photographer until after I was out of school. Though if I had caught it earlier I could have avoided the head tilt they always make you do that just ended up emphasizing the larger nostril!

Anyway, after realizing this, I am more sympathetic to people who are self conscious about certain aspects of their appearance and I can understand their desire to change those things. I still don't know if I would ever change my nose, because I feel like it is a part of my heritage. My grandpa on my mom's side gave it to me and I have grown rather fond of it, large nostrils and all :)

But I do think that celebrities should be limited in the procedures they have, or be forced to disclose them. (Maybe not the embarrassing ones. There are lots of those and I have refrained from mentioning them here. But if you are curious look up labiaplasty on wikipedia.) Anyway, I think that this would serve two purposes. The first is that it would prevent things like this from happening:

(Love MJ, but the nose makes me sad.) The second reason is that it would prevent the rest of us from feeling bad about ourselves and our imperfections. For example, celebrities who have had children and sell ab workout videos would be forced to disclose their tummy tucks so that the rest of us wouldn't have such unrealistic expectations. (I'm sorry, but once your skin is stretched out like that, only one person in a million can go back to a flat six pack without the help of a surgeon. If you happen to be that person, congratulations, but don't try to sell me on ideals that I will never reach.)

So there you have it. More than you ever wanted to know about plastic surgery. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get my beauty rest. It's a lot cheaper than plastic surgery : )

As Promised

2009-08-31T20:48:00.012-06:00

Well, I am back from vacation and have been for awhile but I am just now getting around to updating the blog. Funny how when you have basically nothing to do you get basically nothing done. You would think that the few things on your "to-do" list would get crossed off pretty quickly but you'd be surprised. Hence the delay in posting, despite having been home for two and a half weeks now. Anyway, as promised, here are some beautiful (well, sort of... I am not really a great photographer) pictures of Island Park Idaho.

Here is some beautiful Idaho wildlife

Ha Ha! Just kidding. That would be my brother Scott messing around with the camera. Please don't tell me you can see the family resemblance :)

This one is my brother Kyle, covered in dust after taking the 4-wheeler to the top of a mountain

These are my roommates (:)) enjoying a kayak (or kyack according to the rental brochure) trip down the Big Springs river. Don't let the jovial smile fool you: Dad later tipped mom's kayak over while she was still in it. Too bad he didn't count on it upsetting his balance and dumping him into the icy river too :)

Me and my sunburned self. The coloring on my shoulder is not a camera trick. I really did get burnt.

A view from the Big Springs river

Some real Idaho wildlife. I really wish I were a better photographer. At least there aren't any random old people in this one though :)

Sunset in the woods

Some blurry wildflowers. I took lots of pictures of wildflowers but a) pictures don't really do them justice and b) my pictures especially don't do them justice. I didn't find the little flower symbol button on my camera that is specifically for taking pictures of flowers until I got home :(

This is a little river that we had to go around on the 4-wheelers.

And that is pretty much it picture wise. We also went into Yellowstone park and swam in the Firehole river, which is fed by geysers and so is not freezing (I highly recommend it), drove to the top of Sawtelle mountain and enjoyed the cold, windy view, almost ran into a moose on a 4-wheeler (I mean I was on the 4-wheeler. The moose crossed the road in front of me), saw much wildlife including the moose, bats, a frog, bald eagles, a buffalo, elk, rabbits, fish, and some bugs, and overall just relaxed and had a great time. Now its back to the grind... for everyone else. I am kind of on permanent vacation until I find a job. So its back to the hunt for me!

Vacation

2009-08-09T22:49:00.003-06:00

First off, let me just say that for a place as beautiful as Island Park Idaho, I am surprised at how few good pictures there are of the place. Perhaps I will have to try to remedy that this week, since that is where I will be. Hooray!

Seriously, this was one of the better pictures I could find. And there are random old people in it. So you will just have to use your imagination and pretend that it's me in the picture. Or maybe just that there aren't random old people in it. In the meantime I will try to remember to take a few good pictures while I am gone to post later.

I will also have to post about my mad dash to graduation, plastic surgery (in general, I mean. I haven't had any. Though a week in a bathing suit might be all the convincing I need...), and the dumb project I started. I should have plenty of time to do that when I get back, being as how I am now unemployed: )
In the meantime, enjoy your week. I know I will!!

Procrastination

2009-08-02T21:12:00.006-06:00

So this is just a short post to say that I never do seem to learn my lesson about procrastination. I have known for a few weeks now that I would be in Logan on Aug 3rd (Um yeah, tomorrow) to give a presentation for my final class before I graduate, but have I let anybody know about this? Have I given anyone time to plan on me coming? Of course not. And my logic is really stupid too because I think to myself, "well, I don't want to inconvenience anybody or make them feel like they have to let me visit them, so I will just tell them later." It's moments like these that I think I wouldn't be surprised if USU decided I was too dumb to let graduate and maybe make me take a few more communication classes or something. It might not be a bad idea.

At any rate, I will be in a presentation meeting from probably 3-6 or so but after that I am free for a few hours before I have to drive back home. So if anyone a) reads this before then, b) is not already busy and c) wants to see me then give me a call and I would love to see you. I am not really sure who is there this time of year except a few people, so just give me a call. And no pressure. I may finally learn my lesson about procrastination.

Speaking of which, I received a question about plastic surgery, oh, about a month ago and still haven't gotten around to answering it. But I promise I will. Eventually :)

If I'd have known it would take that long I would have adopted!

2009-07-19T20:24:00.005-06:00

Well, I am happy to report that I survived the rest of the rain. And so far the heat hasn't seemed to affect my brain too much either. I was tempted to try to bake cookies using only the heat inside my car after seeing it done by Primary Children's Medical Center as a way to teach parents not to leave their kids in the car. But I am far too impatient to wait 2-3 hours for chocolate chip cookies. Instead I decided to read up on avocados.

Here is a picture of the avocado plant I started growing. (Its the tall one. The vine-y one at the bottom is apparently a begonia. I highjacked the pot from my mom. Mostly because I didn't think the avocado would grow.)

Much to my surprise (which shouldn't really be a surprise at all considering the fact that seeds were made to go into the dirt and grow into plants) it grew. And grew some more until it grew a stalk and some leaves. I was very pleased by all this because the conventional wisdom on growing avocados is that you have to stick toothpicks into the avocado and suspend it over a mason jar filled with a solution of water, French truffles (which are not chocolate...that's another story), and platypus egg yolk. Then, if by some miracle your avocado pit sprouts, you can pot it in a mix of Saharan sand, Scottish peat, and crab guano and grow it in a temperature controlled greenhouse at approximately 2,147 feet above sea level. In other words, it's an arduous process. Which explains why they can charge a dollar for a tiny, unripe avocado at the grocery store, I suppose.

So anyway, I was really happy when all I had to do was stick the pit straight from the avocado into some garden variety potting soil and voila: Avocado tree. With visions of delicious ripe avocado dancing in my head I took to the internet to determine how long it might take for the tree to bear fruit. Now, keep in mind that I am aware that I am impatient, but I was not expecting miracles here. I'm thinking a minimum of 2-3 years before the little sappling pictured above gets big enough to hold fruit without snapping itself in half. And I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is 15 years!!!!

Really? I can't even sign onto a two year cell phone contract or live in one apartment for more than nine months at a time! How am I supposed to care for a glorified houseplant until I'm 39 years old!?! I didn't sign up for this. I mean, if I wanted that kind of comittment I would have adopted. At least kids start doing impressive things before they turn 15. All my friends' kids are about a year old and they're already crawling and eating solid food. Is it too much to ask for an avocado tree to pick up the pace a little?

Actually there is one other option. It involves stem cells and a trip to Madagascar...Just kidding. It is almost that involved though. Apparently you can graft branches from a mature avocado tree (which are obviously very plentiful in Utah) onto the slowpoke tree and get fruit after about 3-4 years. From what I have heard about grafting it is not a job for a layperson, which means that I would have to pay a professional to do it, which means that in addition to being faster, adoption would likely be cheaper too!

For now I think I will just let it battle it out with the begonia. If all else fails I can just leave it with my mom (something you really can't do with kids, adopted or not). She has too much guilt to intentionally kill a plant so she might just keep it around for another 15 years. If so, you all are invited to my 40th birthday party. I'll be making a killer guacamole.

Curiosity, Kitten, Doesn't Have to Mean You're On Your Own (unless you are busted for growing drugs.Then I'm outta here.)

2009-06-20T22:16:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I worry about my own curiosity. Most of the time I think of it as a sort of hyperactive aspect of my personality that occasionally leads me to say or do odd things. Things like sticking an avocado pit into one of my mom's flower pots to see if it would grow (which I am happy to report it is and I am thrilled about the prospect of homegrown avocados, in a few years of course.) Kind of quirky, but I can live with that. But sometimes, such as following my latest experiment, I worry for my health and or safety and freedom.

This June has been rather more wet and rainy than in recent years, which everybody seems to have an opinion about. I don't really care one way or the other, though I am hoping to get a few good swimming days in sometime this summer. At any rate, the rain has led to some prolific plant growth in the backyard and this has lead to some curiosity (or stupidity) on my part. One plant species especially caught my interest, though not for its bright pink petals.

We have some poppies in the backyard that have been there forever without me taking too much notice of them, other than steering clear of their dark black polleny centers that stain your fingers and clothes. (And when it comes to staining clothes, I am enough of a slob/klutz on my own that I don't need any outside help, thank you.) However, this year these giant pink poppies caught my eye because they reminded me of a film we watched in my "Drugs and Human Behavior" class fall semester.

The film was about the opium trade in Afghanistan and (you tell me if this is a good or bad thing to show in a classroom setting) they actually demonstrate the way that opium is harvested. Now, because I know that most of you probably have a better handle on your curiosity than I do, I will tell you that you basically take the center of the poppy inside the petals and make a few horizontal slices to it, at which point it starts oozing plant gunk. After a few days the gunk dries andthe Afghans scrape it off and collect it into little balls of sap. Then, when they need some pain relief/a fix they just pinch off a tiny bit and eat it. All of this was shown in the film, which makes me think that the class might more appropriately have been titled "Drugs: A How-To Guide for Human Addiction Behavior." (Incidently, in this same class we also learned that various drug education programs, such as DARE, have a pretty lousy track record of preventing drug use and may actually increase students' curiousity about drugs. Now there's irony for you.)

So when I saw the poppies this year I got a little curious. First I just wondered if they were the same kind of poppies they have in Afghanistan and if they would bleed opium sap. I wasn't so much concerned with the actual opium as with the harvest process. So I thought I would test it out. And sure enough the stupid black pollen stained my hands and clothes. Oh and also the poppies did bleed some sort of sap and I though that was pretty interesting, because it makes you wonder why we don't hear about the police raiding poppy farms in the US.

So up to this point, my curiosity is pretty much at its normal level and I was just weirdly slicing a few poppies in the backyard. No big deal. It's not like I am going to harvest it and sell it or anything. And since I am not a drug addict and have no plans to be one I wasn't going to eat it either. So I pretty much left it at that. I checked it a few days later and saw that it had indeed hardened into a tacky sap, as was demonstrated in the video. With the experiment over I went inside and made a sandwich and being the klutz that I am I promptly sliced my finger. And being the overly curious person that I am I decided that, although completely unintentional, this kitchen mishap provided a perfect opportunity to test the poppy juice. This is where most people would rationally say to themselves, "Hmm, I have an open wound that could be subject to infection. Should I rub backyard plant sap into it or try the neosporin instead? I think I will go with the neosporin." Wise choice, but unfortunately not the one that I made. Oh no, not at all the one that I made.

It is only now as I look back that I realize how stupid this was. Not only was I going to put plant guts all over an open wound, the plant guts could contain opium, a controlled substance in the United States, if I remeber correctly from my "How to Be A Drug Dealer" class. This means that theoretically I could be charged for possessing it. As I said, I worry that my curiosity is a danger to me sometimes. It's as if it takes over the rational part of my brain that says, "Lindsey, you are not a drug addict. Keep it that way." So I merrily rubbed the plant gunk into my fresh wound.

The good news about my curiosity problem is that I generally learn from my mistakes pretty quickly. It only took me one time of exploding an egg in the microwave to learn not to put raw uncracked eggs in the microwave. And it only took about ten seconds of burning, stinging pain to go wash the poppy juice out of my wound and put some neosporin on it.

The bad news is that sometimes you don't get a chance to learn from your mistakes. I realized this as I was contemplating the field of mushrooms that has also popped up in the backyard as of late. I started wondering if they were edible and if I could use the internet to identify them. I was nearly to the point of formulating recipes before the rational me stepped in and said, "Are you crazy? People die from eating poisonous wild mushrooms and even the experts can have a hard time telling which ones are edible. Plus, the dog uses the backyard as his own personal bathroom. Do you really want to be eating the fungus that pops up back there? Go finish your sandwich and stick to the avocado experiments."

I am thinking that maybe it would be good for my health if the rain started clearing up soon, before the beanstalk gets climb-able.

Favorite Things

2009-05-18T21:53:00.012-06:00

Fact: There is not much going on in my life, at least that I can write about.
Fact: There are not a lot of pictures on my blog.
Fact: This makes for a very boring blog.

To remedy this, I decided to post some random pictures of things that I like and that make me happy. Maybe they will make you happy too. Or at least relieve some boredom.

These are California Poppies. They also grow in Seattle, which is where I first saw them, and in Utah. I like them because they are basically weeds in that they grow pretty much anywhere, but they are more pretty than your typical weed. I love the bright bright orange color. And they're not like other poppies with papery petals that fall off in a day. They actually last quite a while.

This is a Slurpee. The Epitome of Summer. If you have never had one you haven't really lived. If you live in the South, I am very sorry for you. They do not exist there. I will cry for you.

This is a water garden. I think if I wasn't born human, I would have been a frog (which would really have freaked out my mom), and if I believed in reincarnation that is what I would strive for in my next life. I really love water and like to spend as much time in the water as possible. I don't swim so much as I doggy paddle, and I prefer non chlorinated bodies of water. Someday I will have a water garden of my own. With frogs, of course.
These are the Seychelles. They are an island chain in the middle of the Indian Ocean and someday I will visit them. They are really bio-diverse and super cool in that they are 1,000 miles from the nearest continent and yet are made up of continental rock, rather than volcanic rock. Also, they are beautiful.

This is Scientific American Frontiers, where I probably first heard about the Seychelles. (I'm sure it was a PBS special of some sort anyway.) This man has my dream job. Basically he goes out and learns about all the cool scientific advancements and research, interviews the scientists, tests the theories, and sums it up for the average viewer in 60 minutes or less. I like watching it and dreaming that someday Alan Alda will retire and give me his job.

These are the Counting Crows. My all time favorite band. (I know, I am stuck in the nineties, but hey, it was a good decade!) I wish they would tour in Utah. In the meantime, I will just have listen to some old classics. You should too. I highly recommend them.

These are real life mermaids. Really. They live (and work) in Florida and put on a show every day, which I will someday watch. So you know how I tell people that I want to be an undercover mermaid in the Atlantic Ocean and they think its a joke and that such a job doesn't exist and laugh at me? Well look who's laughing now!

These are books. I like to read. I especially love when I find a really really great book. This happened quite frequently in Logan, where the library is awesome. In Springville, this is not the case, even though Springville is a bigger city than Logan. I don't know what gives, but it got me to thinking. Why isn't there a Netflicks for books? Wouldn't that be the most awesome thing ever? I would most definitely subscribe. (And yes, I know that is the basic idea behind a library, but it is also the same idea behind video rental stores and netflicks still succeeded.)

Anyway, hope that spiced up your day a little bit, or at least stimulated your eyes somewhat. If you would like to stop being subjected to boring posts by me, please leave me a suggestion for what you would like me to write about in the comments. Thankyoucomeagain.

M&M Evolution

2009-05-02T15:42:00.003-06:00

So since not a whole lot is going on with me, other than finishing school and moving home and getting an internship at the Huntsman Cancer Institute (I guess that is a lot, but there really isn't a lot more to say about it), I decided that I would post this link about M&Ms because it was so funny it made me laugh out loud. It reminded me of a game my siblings and I used to play with gummy bears when we were little in which we would stretch them out while counting as fast as we could until they broke. The number at which they broke was their "age" and we always felt really bad for the ones that only lived till like 17. Maybe we should have mailed the oldest ones to the gummy bear factory. We might have gotten some free gummies out of it.
Anyway, here it is. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
http://naurunappula.com/z/72813/

And amazingly I passed all my classes this semester so now I am just 400 unpaid internship hours away from graduation. After all this I really feel no need to ever run a marathon.

The Running Commentary That Is My Brain

2009-04-14T22:25:00.004-06:00

Just wanted to say hello and let you know I am still alive. Mostly I am just working on the last few details of the last few weeks of school, which makes for boring blog entries so I will spare you the details. One of these days I will write something interesting. For now my brain is pretty much fried so I will just share a few random thoughts I have had lately. In no particular order.

If I had to nominate the world's worst singers, the "winners" in the male and female solo artist category would be Neil Diamond and Madonna, respectively. Sorry mom, I know you love hairy bear man, but I think he is not "pretty amazing." And Madonna just needs to fade into oblivion. She's kind of like the fire alarms on campus. They are blaringly loud and sound important but usually just mean that somebody has burned soup in the microwave or overdryed their hair. And I don't usually like to attack other people's physical appearance, but honestly, with all the dental technology we have now you'd think she could do something about the grand canyon in her front teeth. It's amazing she isn't a famous whistler instead of a singer. She doesn't have much talent in the latter category so I am not sure why she is even famous for that.

People seem awfully concerned about death. And don't take this the wrong way or think I am suicidal, but I want to die. Someday. In the distant future, of course. Maybe this is a symptom of working in a nursing home for the last 18 months, but I honestly think I would just get bored if I lived to be 90. Of course, it's possible that I will change my mind if I get to 89, but I guess I don't get what the big deal is. This is probably a symptom of thinking too much and means I should probably get out more (But even if you get out, can you really escape your thoughts? I can't. I have a sort of running commentary going on in my head all the time, like I am being interviewed for a tv show or something and for some reason everybody is interested in my opinions. Which is kind of funny to me because I am not a strongly opinionated person. At least, I don't think I am. Maybe I am wrong on that. )

Anyway, I got to thinking about dying because of a combination of epidemiology and books I have been reading (Neither of which are particularly morbid. I don't know why they got me thinking about it). Anyway, I won't bore you with the details (too late) but it has just amazed me the lengths people are willing to go to in order to live longer, no matter what their quality of life might be. And the whole reason that studies are done is to influence health status. If we weren't trying to reduce the death rate from heart attacks, why would we study them right?

But it all just begs the question, what do we want? Ten more years? 15? To never die? Do we think that is possible? And are we willing to give up life now to gain more life later? Meaning, if you never let yourself have that cupcake that you want because you want to achieve some holy grail of health, aren't you missing the point that health is not an end goal but a means to an end. Is your health good enough to allow you to do the things you love to do, and if it is then why do you want "better" health? I am just now realizing that is something I have probably been looking at the wrong way, which as a health educator is kind of ironic. So I thought I would share it with you. I may have to revisit it later but my thoughts are kind of jumbled right now so I will just leave it at that. And also, I really am not suicidal so don't worry :)

Have you ever wondered why they are called third world countries? It begs the question (and where does that phrase come from really?) are there first and second worlds and if so what are they? I figured the US would be a first world country if such a phrase existed but second world kind of threw me. Anyway I have always wondered about it but never got around to researching it. But I had the good fortune to find out as I was reading something the other day.

Turns out the US is a first world country and that second world countries do exist. First world denotes a democratically free, economically stable country. Second world was a phrase coined (another phrase whose meaning I need to look up) for countries that are economically stable but not democratically free. Places like what Russia was during the Soviet era and like China today. (Basically, it was a euphemism for communist countries.) The third world countries are mainly categorized by being not economically stable. They may actually have communist (or more likely fascist) governments, but they aren't doing anything for the common man. Thus they have the opportunity to become first world countries (which is what the US would want. Notice how the options are ranked. Not Blue countries and Yellow countries, but first and second. And nobody wants to be second. Clever strategy. I wonder if China thinks of itself as a second world country?)

Bananas are dying. I read it in National Geographic, which I have decided is a guilt and fear inducing magazine that I should avoid except maybe for some of the photos. Basically they show you all the cool things in the world and then tell you how they are dying off and going extinct and that it is probably your fault. Really. So it turns out that bananas are on this list. Apparently some weird fungus is attacking them and it makes them shed their leaves and exposes them to too much sunlight which kills them. And since the bananas are all genetically identical it is going to kill them all. Scientists are working to develop new breeds of bananas but we may have to make do without banana bread (which is not bread at all but cake. Now there is some clever marketing for you.) and certain flavors of smoothie. I wonder if there will be a save the banana group? Will you join with me if there is?

Ok. I think that is enough from my head today. In summary, Madonna has no talent, man's perspective on health and death are weird, China might think the US is a second world country, banana killing fungus is proliferating. What does it all mean? Lindsey has a lot of homework she has been avoiding. Back to the grind. Save the Bananas!

Linguists, Dilemnas, and Other Sundry Stuff

2009-03-26T22:00:00.004-06:00

This post (at least the first part) is pretty much going to be about my friend, whom I will call Marbles. Marbles is a linguist and I recently discovered that there are many benefits of having a friend in this profession. More than you might think actually. First and foremost is the sheer coolness of being able to say that you have a friend who is a linguist. I mean, who wouldn't think that was cool? More than this though is being able to consult a linguist when you don't know the answer to something. Like why, for example, a person from a place that has an accent, we'll say Arkansas theoretically, would NOT have an accent even though they were born and raised there and their parents have accents. Further complicating the mix is the fact that this theoretical person has siblings who also don't have accents and this person used to have an accent but has since lost it. So what gives?
For this, I give you Marbles' answer:
"This guy probably had an accent when he was young b/c that's the way his parents talk. So they were his main influence. But once kids enter school, they quickly adapt to the accent and speech patterns of their peers. (Aka they want to fit in so they change the way they talk to match what everyone else was doing.) The kids at their schools must not have much of an accent or something. That would explain why all of the kids in the family don't have an accent (and the siblings would reinforce each other.) Also, this change to having less of an accent is reinforced by the media, travel, and the internet...so most accents aren't as strong as they used to be or are dying out. "
Can I just say Awesome! I think I finally understand a little bit about the joy that my friends feel when I answer random questions for them. See, I kind of always thought that my friends must think I am a know-it-all, which is not really a good thing and so I was kind of confused as to why they would still like me (I mean, not that I don't have other good qualities but I was confused as to why my know-it-allness seemed to be the most celebrated quality. It's kind of counter-intuitive.) Anyway, when I consulted Marbles on this "theoretical" question I figured that she would know the answer, and she did, but even more than that she included fascinating information that I would never have guessed at, namely that accents are diminishing due to the media, travel, etc. (That has got to be one of the most ridiculously ungrammatically correct sentences I have ever written.) Who knew?! Well, Marbles did, but now that she has shared that information with me I am thouroughly fascinated and edumacated on the subject of accents.

And that is not the only benefit of having a friend who is a linguist. Oh no. There's more. (And if you call now, we'll include the all new whizamagidgit absolutely free!) In addition to this cool information and the answer to my question, a linguist has an appreciation for all accents and will not laugh at you when you try to speak in a Brooklyn accent or fail horribly at a Scottish one. In fact, she will probably speak them along with you (probably better than you too:). And if your linguist friend happens to be Marbles and going to pursue a Ph.D at Penn State she will also be happy to tell you about Pennsylvania Dutch, which she will be studying and which is the German-ish language spoken by a lot of the Amish. And once she has studied that she will be able to tell you what kinds of words they use for technology that they might not use (Television, computer, etc.) Do they spanglicize it like computadora or do they just use the english word or do they make one up or what? Interesting, I know. And I will be sure to keep you posted as her studies progress:)

So, there you go. Just in case you were wondering if you should befriend a linguist know you have the go-ahead.

On to dilemnas: First, I realize that I spelled it wrong but that is how I am going to spell it for the rest of my life. I don't know why I thought that was how it was spelled in the first place but somehow it got stuck in my head and now it has become sort of an inside joke with my family so I must continue to misspell it for the remainder of my natural life (which is an odd phrase, no? I mean, is there an artificial life?) Anyway, the dilemna is what to do for my internship. There are a couple opportunities that have come up and I am not sure what to do. So, I will tell you what they are and you can make my decision for me:)

1) Migrant Health Outreach worker in New Jersey. May through August. $10 per hour using my spanish skills to discuss health issues with migrant farmworkers.
Pros: $$$, see another part of the country, get all my hours, use my spanish (which has gotten so bad that I really could use the practice, though I would feel sorry for the poor farmworkers getting me as their caseworker)
Cons: It wouldn't really allow me to network to get a "real job" back in Utah, which is sort of my plan lately. Not sure if it would help me develop my health ed. skills (which is much more than just teaching health, I have discovered)

2)Ouelessebougou-Utah Alliance. 200 hours. Non-profit doing aid work in Mali. Not paid. Based in Salt Lake (not Mali, otherwise my decision would be made:)
Pros: I could live at home. I like the idea of a non profit. Would allow me time to network in Utah. Possibility of going to Mali in the future.
Cons: I would have to help write a grant and I would rather poke my own eyes out. No money. Commute to Salt Lake. Also not sure if it would help me develop my health ed skills. No real possibility of a position opening up there since they only have three full time people in Salt Lake.

3) Other Utah options, including Multicultural Health Services, Clinica de Buena Salud, Diabetes clinic, Huntsman Cancer Institute, Health Department.
Pros: Networking in Utah, possibly paid, live at home, develop my skills
Cons: maybe not paid, possible commute, haven't actually applied so I don't know that I would get one.

So, any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I have been working on an internship for forever and I am mostly just sick of it, but it is probably good practice for the job search so I should just stop complaining I guess. Anyway, I think at this point my brain is just fried and that is contributing to my indescisiveness. (And my inablility to spell).

And that is about all from me. Just one last thought. Or question I guess. (Do you like how this blog is called Ask Linds and yet I am the one who asks all the questions lately? See, that was even a question!)
Anyway, the question is: How do you plan your life not knowing what the future may bring? Up until this point I have just lived my life as if I would be single until I graduated. And wouldn't you know it, that is the case and things have worked out ok. But now I am not sure where to go from here. I can continue to live my life as if I will be single forever but I don't really think that will be the case. Do I plan for another five years? Do I take a job in Indonesia and then meet somebody two months before I move and tell them "Sorry, you have to move to Indonesia to keep seeing me"? Do I decide to go to a grad school that will take up a significant amount of time and pursue a full time career and if I do meet somebody keep going in that direction?
I don't know. I think I just need some perspective because I am sure the answer is just that you take it as it comes and stop fearing the unknown. But maybe one of you will have a fresher way of putting that so that it doesn't sound like the therapist telling his patient who is afraid of being buried alive "Stop it or I'll bury you alive in a box!"
Anyway, I had better end this post before I use the word anyway one more time. And I may have to update this thing more frequently so that each entry doesn't become a chapter in a really lame novel.
So I will leave you with those thoughts and one additional benefit of having a friend who is a linguist. That is, if you ever have this problem in a foreign country, you will know how to say this phrase in no less than five languages: I Have a Cat in My Pants!
(And she will be able to say it in no less than 15!)

A Retraction. Sort of.

2009-03-11T22:31:00.002-06:00

I was reviewing a few of my blog entries and it seems that I have some pet subjects. I don't think I realized that I talked about them as much as I did. On the one hand I feel that it makes me even more boring than I thought was and that I should move on and discuss other issues. On the other hand, there are not a lot of things that get me riled up, or even that I am particularly passionate about. (One of my favorite words is "meh" so that should tell you something.) So I think I tend to dwell on those things. And I am not stopping today. So if you are sick and tired of me beating the dead horse of daylight savings time then just ignore this post and try to catch up on the hour of sleep that you lost this week. But if you want to possibly be shocked then keep reading.
You see, I have learned a few things about daylight savings time that have made me reconsider my position on its existence. In case you forgot, I pretty much consider it the bane of my existence. But I am afraid I will have to issue a retraction on that position. Sort of. Allow me to explain.
First, it is important to understand the reason why I hate daylight savings time so much(which I will now abbreviate DST for the rest of this post.) You might be surprised to learn that it has very little to do with the loss of sleep. I actually don't care about that too much. And anyone who knows me knows how shocking this is because I LOVE sleep. Almost more than anything. I would probably rather sleep than eat and I love food. So you would think that losing sleep would be a big deal to me. But in this case, it's not. The reason being that as much as I love sleep, I hate it when it gets dark at 5:30 in the evening. HATE it! It makes me feel so unproductive no matter how much I accomplish. It just makes the day seem so much shorter, despite it actually still being 24 hours. SO, when it comes to losing an hour of sleep in exchange for more daylight, I will take the sun. Always.
Now, up until this week I was under the impression that DST ENDS in the spring and BEGINS in the fall. I realize that is a fairly large mistake to make, especially when I profess such a hatred for the practice. You would think that I would at least understand something I have chosen to despise. I chalk it up to the fact that it is a tricky concept to grasp and I can't be blamed for misunderstanding something as complex as the reordering of time. (See, when I put it that way it almost sounds plausible that nobody is capable of understanding DST. Then I don't feel so bad for not getting a fairly basic concept:)
Anyway, my hatred of DST comes from the fact that I was under the impression that when it starts we LOSE daylight, and when it ends we GAIN daylight. So of course I would hate a concept that I believed deprived me of precious daylight.
So now I have a dilemma (not a dilemna, as I always thought the word was). Do I continue hating DST despite the fact that it actually extends daylight hours, something I like? Or do I admit my mistake and make my peace with the institution?
Well, after much debate I have come to a conclusion. Drumroll please.
I, Lindsey Schultz, will continue to hate daylight savings time. And there is still a good reason to do so. You see, the earth has a natural cycle wherin it rotates on an axis and orbits the sun. The effects of these motions are what account for the various seasons. As it turns out, in the course of this spinning and rotation the days naturally get longer in the summer and shorter in the winter. (I guess that's confusing because there are always 24 hours in a day, but what I mean is that there are more hours of sunlight in the summer.) This results in the longest day of the year falling around June 21, known as the summer solstice, wherin there are 12 hours of daylight. 12 glorious hours! Of course, this is countered by the winter solstice, falling in December, in which the sun gets really tired and goes to bed early. But, from that point on the days get gradually longer and longer, which makes me happy.
So what it really boils down to is the principle of the boiling frog. If you throw a frog in hot water he will hop right out, but if you gradually increase the temperature he will slowly cook his own goose (or frog. I'm mixing metaphors here.) Anyway, the same goes for me. I would like to think that I would be smarter than a frog and hop out of the slowly warming water, but most likely I wouldn't. (Plus I like really hot showers so that would probably work against me too.) So if you got rid of DST I might notice that the days were getting longer or shorter, but it would happen so gradually that I wouldn't wake up one morning in March or November feeling robbed of either sleep or daylight, as I do now. And you wouldn't have to listen to my constant rants on the subject. Like I said, write your congressmen.
So, this is why daylight savings time will stay at the top of my "Things That Must Go" list. But on the bright side, at least I have a better understanding of my dislike of it.
A few other random notes about DST:
There were missionaries in my mission who were from Arizona (the smartest state in the union, due to it's refusal to participate in DST) who actually thought their companions were trying to play a trick on them by telling them to change their clocks. That would be a hilarious joke, but unfortunately it is one that the government continues to play on us each and every year, making it cumulatively less and less funny.
And aside from the government, guess who else is in on the joke? Lobbyists. Yep, lobbyists from the candy companies. And why would the candy companies benefit from DST? Three words: Trick or Treat. Yes, the candy companies are responsible for extending DST so that the little ghouls and boys don't have to go trick or treating in the dark. Kind of makes me wish dentists were more effective lobbyists. Though the downside to that would be SWISH. Did anyone else have to take SWISH in elementary school? It was a flouride treatment that they brought in and you had to swish it around in your mouth for 1 minute and then spit it out and then you couldn't drink anything for 20 minutes. It was awful! I hated it even more than DST and finally convinced my mom to stop making me take it when Alan Erdmann threw up after taking it. Seriously, it was that bad. So I guess I will just have to look on the bright side. I could be taking SWISH in the dark:)

Experiments: Natural vs. artificial

2009-02-28T22:15:00.003-07:00

Recently we have been discussing various ways of gathering data in my epidemiology class. Epidemiology is the study of disease distibution and probable causes and has nothing to do with skin, unless of course they happen to be studying the flesh eating bacteria or something.
I mention this because I am currently reading a book that was written by an epidemiologist. She mentions in the intro that when people ask her what she does for a living her reply is "sex and drugs." Apparently if she says epidemiology people equate that with a skin condition and thinks she is some sort of dermatologist or something. I was kind of surprised that people would think that but then I was telling a friend about the book and when I said she was an epidemiologist he asked if that was some sort of skin specialist. So apparently she knows what she is talking about. Though really, I think being able to say that your job is sex and drugs is probably just a good conversation starter, more than a clarification.

Anyway, back to data collection. We have been discussing the differences between types of studies. An experiment is like the third grade science fair where you put the penny in the various solutions to see which one cleans it best and you manipulate variables and all the classic stuff that we have learned since grade school. (Is there anyone who hasn't done that experiment? Spoiler alert: tomato juice works best. Though I don't really know why anyone would need to clean pennies, let alone have the time to do so. Its kind of a dumb experiment when you think about it.)
(Also, did you know that nowadays pennies are made mostly from zinc and cost more than one cent to produce? And they tend not to circulate very long because they get lost or tossed or stored in a jar somewhere and forgotten about (mom:). So the US government is losing money on making pennies. They have actually considered doing away with them and rounding up, which is just another one of the reasons why economics makes no sense to me (You have no idea how close I came to using a pun there). But do you know why they haven't done that yet, other than for fear of confusing all the economics dunces like myself? Because of lobbyists. Specifically lobbyists from the zinc industry. Who knew? Well, now you do. More useless information. Unless you have a desire to become a lobbyist. Which I actually find tempting, but I don't want to lose my soul and I think the two are mutually exclusive. So I will stick to health ed. Which brings me back to the point.)

The point being that in addition to the typical experiment you also have other ways of gathering data, including the natural experiment. This is where you just sort of gather data from a scenario that is happening that you didn't really have anything to do with. Kind of confusing right? That's what I thought. Until this weekend. You see, it suddenly clicked when I realized that if anyone wanted to observe a natural experiment they could just observe me this weekend. Or read my blog, which is pretty much the result of the natural experiment.

You see, my roommates all went to Oregon this weekend. They invited me but I decided not to go because I have a bunch of homework and tests next week and a health conference and blah blah blah. So I stuck around and became a natural experiment instead. Essentially, the question being asked is, what does Lindsey do when nobody is around? Now, if they wanted to do a regular experiment they could just put me in a big glass box by myself and observe, like that stupid pledge commercial where they make the lady wait a week in a glass box. But you will notice that there is no bathroom in that box so it makes for a pretty implausible, unethical study and a stupid commercial. And since I would not likely consent to such a study, and an ethics board might take issue with it, they would have to wait for a natural experiment in which I just happen to find myself alone for three days. (I might think that my roommates were in on the study from the beginning but then I remember that a) they invited me to go with them, and b) there are far more important things to study than me. Such as physiology, which I am not studying right now.)

So, here I am, a natural experiment. Now, what can we learn from all of this? Well, it is now day two of solo time and I am writing a rambling, random blog post and I won't have any human contact until church tomorrow. (Do you think I can make it? The suspense builds.) So we learn that while Lindsey is ordinarily quite easily amused, this is not the case when she has nobody to share her amusement with. (See "pennies; made of zinc" from above for proof:)

We learn that she tends to watch a lot more TV when she is by herself. (Memo to me: Don't buy a TV.) Though, a confounding factor in this conclusion is that her roommate's boyfriend happened to leave season three of The Office at her apartment and she may have been inclined to watch that whether she were alone or not. Hard to say.

We also learn that she tends to mimic things that she reads rather than people that she speaks to. The style of this post is rather more similar to the book she is currently reading than the usual language of, "like", "seriously", "lame", and "I know" that she usually uses. So without human interaction she resorts to interacting as though she were talking to the things that she reads. Which probably also explains the scientific theme of this particular post. It is also a good indicator that she ought to stop reading and boring people with her ramblings and go to bed.

What else will we learn from this natural experiment? Only time will tell. Though I have a hunch I will probably do well on my epidemiology test:)

One final thought. Sometimes the results of experiments are not what we wanted or thought they would be. This seems pretty obvious, but there was a time in my life when it was not. Back to the third grade science fair. My first experiment was to determine if Coke would cause a nail to erode or a piece of ham to get holes in it. I was told that this happens and so was much disappointed when this turned out not to be the case. The ham and nail were a little sticky after three days in Coke solution, but none the worse for wear. Meanwhile I was scrambling to find dirty pennies I could clean with lemon or tomato juice for the science fair the next day because I thought that since my experiment failed to prove my hypothesis it was no good and I had to do another one. It didn't win any prizes and I went on believing that I had somehow done my experiment wrong.
Lesson learned? If you want to win a prize at the science fair, have your mom do it for you. Yeah, I'm talking to you Shannon B., Westside Elementary.
Also, Coke will not erode your stomach. Or ham.

I Friend You!

2009-02-07T14:11:00.002-07:00

So anybody who knows me will probably have figured out by now that I am not a fan of Facebook. There are many reasons for this and I won't go into detail because that would be a really really long post and I have too much homework to get involved in that today. However, while taking a sanity break from said homework today I stumbled across this hilarious article that I would now like to share with you. Now, before you read it please note a few things.
1) It is satire, so take it with a grain of salt.
2) If you have a Facebook and love it then good for you. Much as I like to complain about Facebook I really don't care if you have one or not. If you are living a happy productive life in which Facebook plays a part then good for you. I am happy for you. Its just not something that I want in my life.
3) Dork alert: When I was younger I used to stay up and watch Star Trek: Next Generation (and Heidi, don't even pretend that you didn't do the same) during the summer. This had very little to do with the entertainment value of the show and more to do with the fact that it came on late and it was an excuse not to go to bed (Really, I'm not lying. I don't speak Klingon or anything. Though unfortunately I know what that is...) So of course I watched it. Anyway, there is an episode in which everybody is getting these headset things that go over your eyes and it creates some sort of a fantasy world or its a game or something. But it turns out it actually starts to take over your mind and you completely lose touch with reality. However since everybody is wearing them there are only like two people in the whole show who are still sane and they have to figure out a way to save everybody and avoid their attempts to get them to wear the headsets. This is sometimes how I feel about Facebook. It's not really my personal quest to save people from social networking sites, (lets face it, some people don't want to be saved. It really makes their day when they recieve flair or change their status.) I just sometimes feel like I might be one of the last sane people on the planet and as those numbers dwindle I wonder if maybe I am the insane one and everybody else knows something that I don't. But then I take solace in the fact that crazy people don't think they're crazy so I must be sane, right?
So that pretty much sums up my thoughts and I will now post the link to the article.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/183180/page/1

And if you love Facebook and hate me for posting such an article then look on the bright side. At least you won't have to go to all the trouble of removing me from your "Friends" page:)

Also, I am pretty ambivalent about Crocs footwear (I used to own a pair and I think they are pretty comfy, if not highly fashionable) but the same guy writes a hilarious article about them if you are passionately against them. The responses he got to that article were insane and funny and I imagine he will get the same responses to this one. I look forward to reading them.
Status: Lindsey is getting back to her homework now.

Keep Singing!

2009-01-30T15:29:00.004-07:00

I have discovered that I have this habit of writing about what I might post in the future in my posts and then forgetting about it entirely. Which is kind of comical because the reason I write about what I am going to write about in the future is so that when I think I have nothing to blog about (which is often) I can simply read my old posts and have an automatic memory refresher. But instead I just forget. (Wow, after reading that I suddenly understand the kind of mental patience it must take to be my friend and understand even the smallest bit of what I am saying. Thank you friends for sticking with me.)

Anyway, my brother Scott posted some comments on some of my posts (seriously guys, thanks for being my friends) and as I was reading them I had to refer to some of the things that I had written. (Seriously, everything I write today seems so complex! Am I really that way or is my brain just freaking out on me? Ok, no more asides for now. Focus Linds.)
Anyway, as I was reading some of my older posts I realized two things: 1) I am very easily amused, and 2) There are a lot of things I said I would write about that I never did.
And if you are as easily amused as I am then you probably might like to read some of my thoughts on these things. That's assuming a lot, but even if you are not so easily amused it may be that you are scientifically minded and have become my friend for the express purpose of trying to figure out what in the heck goes on in my head. And if that is the case, good luck and no hard feelings. I like you anyway and appreciate your sacrifices for the scientific world.

So many many moons ago I posted a poll question asking which hymn I was ambivalent about. The options were as follows:

A) Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd
B) Have I done any good in the world today?

C) Ring out Wild Bells

D) Joseph Smith's first prayer

E) Master the tempest is raging

The answer, in case you were wondering, is B) Have I done any good in the world today? Though there is a caveat to that, which I will discuss later.

First, lets get to the hymns that I hate (ok so really hate is a stong word and mostly these are songs that I dislike, but I like the alliteration of "hated hymns" so I'm keeping it.)
First on the list is Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd, a song which doesn't bother me too much except for one small thing. As I mentioned before I am easily amused so you will imagine my reaction when I realized that the line of this hymn that states "DEAR are the sheep of His fold" could easily be rewritten as "DEER are the sheep of his fold." Hours and hours of entertainment with that mental picture. Now I just can't sing it without laughing and that is typically frowned upon in sacrament meetings, so I just prefer not to hear it.

Next on the list is a song which I truly despise: Ring Out Wild Bells, which much to my chagrin my mother says she loves. I hate the tune, I hate the lyrics, and I hate that it is only sung once a year on the sunday before new years. Seriously, is there no better song to ring in the new year than one that proclaims in somber funeral march tones "the year is dying, let her die. Ring out wild bells! and let her die!!" Dun Dun Dun!!!!!!! It's just so serious and angry. I really wish that I was musically inclined and could express the mood all these songs portray but you will just have to wait till sunday to hear them I suppose. Oh, and as a warning, if you don't want any of the aforementioned songs ruined for you then I would seriously reconsider reading this post. (Should have said that earlier, now you will think of deer and funerals each sunday. Welcome to my world.)

Anyway, the next on the list is Joseph Smith's first prayer, and I know I am going to get a lot of flak for this one. Stating a dislike for this song is akin to saying you enjoy torturing small animals and you hate ice cream. It's just not socially acceptable. (Seriously, have you ever met anyone who didn't really like ice cream and they said so and the whole room just went silent and then everybody tried to extol the virtues of ice cream and convert the non-dairy imbiber? My advice is to always answer yes when asked if you like ice cream or puppies, even if you are lactose intolerant or have severe allergies. Trust me on this.) So, rather than tell you that the high pitch of this song annoys me and I find the repetition of the last two lines super irritating, I will just say that I like this song. Really. Even more than I like ice cream.

Master the tempest is raging is next on the list and I like the idea of the song but not the execution. In theory, the way that the chorus gets progressively more intense with each line is pretty cool. In actuality it is just too overwhelming to me and the resolution is too brief. I will try to write the idea of this out.
"Whether the wrath of the storm tossed sea, or demon or men or whatever may be, No Water Shall Swallow The Ship Where Lies, THE MASTER OF OCEAN AND EARTH AND SKIES. They all shall sweetly obey His will, peace peace be still."

Well, that was my best attempt and hopefully you get the idea. I don't like songs that provoke that kind of anxiety so this one is definitely not on my playlist. (Ha, like I even have any hymns on my playlist. I would probably find too many things to complain about if I did.)

So there you have it. My most hated hymns. I apologize if any of you really really like these hymns and hope that my rant has not poisoned you on them (or me for that matter).

One last thing: the caveat for Have I done any good in the world today is that I don't have any problems with the current version. In fact I am pretty ambivalent about it. But my dad tells me that the lyrics used to say "Only he who does something is worthy to live" instead of "only he who does something helps others to live." Wow. Talk about harsh.

Now, if you will excuse me I have to go listen to the radio to get these songs out of my unholy heathen head. Though if it makes you feel any better there is also a rather large list of non religious songs that I hate, so at least I am not confined to one category in my loathing. An equal opportunity hater, if you will. Hey, whether you accept it or not, some people just don't like ice cream. (I'm not one of those people. I'm just saying.)

Opportunity

2009-01-15T12:33:00.002-07:00

Ok. I'm done sulking now. I am still really busy with my 19 credits this semester so posts will still be few and far between, but I am confident we will all survive:) As for the sulking, even though I was mostly joking I was being a little lazy and less than grateful for what is really a pretty amazing opportunity for me. I just read an article about 1300 girls in Afghanistan who defy the Taliban everyday to attend school and the consequences of that action. Here is the link if you want to read the story, which I highly recommend. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/14/world/asia/14kandahar.html?_r=2
Anyway, it snapped me right out of my sulking and made me realize how incredibly fortunate I am to be able to attend school at all. I won't get too sappy here but I am really and truly grateful for the knowledge that I have of my own worth and intelligence and that I was afforded that opportunity by virtue of being born where I was and to the parents that I have. I can't imagine how difficult life would be if you were made to believe your entire life that you were less than your male counterparts, less even than an animal. Wow. Those girls are really inspiring.
Anyway, they certainly changed my attitude about school. Three cheers for them!

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-04T15:50:00.002-07:00

I don't want to go back to school! Sob. Christmas vacation has been soooo nice and school is just so much work. Sigh. At least this is my last semester of classes. Here goes nothin:) And if you don't hear from me for awhile its probably because I'll either be A) sulking B) really busy or C) both:) Most likely both.

Magnum Opus

2008-12-19T15:42:00.010-07:00

Well, here it is: My magnum opus. As you can tell from the picture I am really quite done with it altogether. (You can also tell I need a new haircut, but that's a different story) Anyway, I promised to post it and explain what a magnum opus is so here it is.
Ahem, magnum opus is latin for "great work" and signifies one's great accomplishment. An example of this can be found in the book (or movie) "Charlotte's Web", in which Charlotte the spider explains to Wilbur the pig that she has just finished her magnum opus, which in her case is her eggsack, from which her little spider children will hatch in the spring. A better (and much less icky) example could be found in Braden David Peterson, the magnum opus of Justin and Elise Peterson, who was born on Sunday. See exhibit A.

Exhibit A

He's so cute. Much cuter than my magnum opus, but probably even more time consuming, so I will just be content with mine for now: ) Congratulations guys, by the way :)

Anyway, for those of you who don't know, I am majoring in Community Health Education and one of the requirements is a class called Death by Planning. (Though the University of course uses the more technical title of Planning and Evaluation for Health Promotion Programs. Don't be fooled. The first desciption is better.) The class requires that you work with a group of peers to gather primary and secondary research on a given topic and population, in our case bullying among second and third graders. Then you have to develop an intervention program to combat the problem and implement it in a local school. Then you have to evaluate it approximately 87 different ways and say what you learned from all of it. This is then written up and repeated 486.2 different ways until you want to poke your own eyes out, or bully your teacher. I can't even really explain how much work was required for all this but just know that it was by far the most labor intensive class I have ever taken. So now its over and what do I have to show for it? Well, exhibits B and C, basically.

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

I was going to try to post a link so you everybody could read all hundred and ridiculous pages of it but 1) I don't know a quick way to do that, 2) I am so done with this project that I don't even have the energy to burn it, and 3) yeah right, like anybody would want to read it. Even I find it tedious! So hopefully the pictures will suffice.

And lest you think this is a desperate ploy on my part for some sympathy, which it is not, (yeah right, we know it really is:), let me tell you a few good things to come out of all of it.

First, I passed the class. YEAH! (On a sidenote, I think I have never been so disappointed with an A- in my life, but only because I was taking 18 credits and got straight A's in ALL my other classes so I would have had a 4.0 for the first time in my college career. How cool would that have been?! But I digress, and really I can't complain about an A-)

Second, it is one of those experiences that, while difficult and time consuming, I know will pay off in the long run and I really did learn a lot from it. And I know it will be really helpful in my career, when I have one.

Third, the group that I worked with was awesome and we all got along really well and became good friends.

And fourth, its over!!!! YAY!!!! And so is this post. Double YAY!

(Oh, except to say that I changed the template and I must say I quite like it. And I even figured out, and input some of the HTML codes for the colors by myself because blogger kept telling me there was an error when I tried to download it. So I am pretty proud of myself and I think I will never ever ever change it again. Ever.

Also, if you are still reading this post, I added a bookshelf widget (look at me and my technical terms. You would almost think I knew what I was talking about:) of some of the books I have read recently and most of them I would reccommend. (The main exception is Garbage Land but I will write more about that later in my much anticipated (yeah, right) post about recycling and edible cups) So if you are looking for some good material take a look. And if you have any great books that you have read recently leave me a comment because I am always on the lookout for a new one.)

And now I am really done. Really. So, bye.

Betcha Didn't Know

2008-12-05T15:50:00.004-07:00

Some of you may have already seen this video before but I think it is super cool so I am posting it here. (Pat on the back goes to me for figuring out how to do that instead of telling you to just look it up yourself:) Anyway, if you enjoy random information as much as I do then this video is for you. Enjoy!
Also, I don't really know what the ending means or is trying to say so don't let it freak you out too much.
And since Christmas break is coming up and I actually have time to breath, be on the lookout for posts about hated hymns(and some not so hated ones too. I'm not completely evil), edible cups and the complete incomprehensibleness of people's ineptitude at recycling, dough based products and other biased views, books worth reading, and a link to my magnum opus. Props to you if you know what a magnum opus is and double props if you only know it because of Charlotte's Web. Paz afuera!

Forward This To Everyone You Know!!!

2008-11-19T21:20:00.004-07:00

To: Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Friends, Siblings, Coworkers, College Roommates, Cousins, Second Cousins, Hairdresser, Tom, Dick, Harry, etc.
Subject: IMPORTANT!!!!! Forward attached

To Whom it may concern:

The email you are receiving was forwarded to you by someone who cares about you. They care so much in fact that they were willing to take .05 seconds out of their busy life to put a check mark next to your name in their contact list to send it to you. If you care about your loved ones at all you will do the same and forward it to everyone you know, three times if you really love them. Don't waste time deleting all the previous forwards so that they don't have to open 15 boxes to get to this email. This is urgent and if they really love you they won't mind opening those anyway. In fact they will probably think of you each time they open another box to get to the one you sent and think what a wonderful and caring friend you are.
If you don't do the same and forward it to every contact in your address book you are basically saying that you hate your mom, America, and puppies. And we all know that only the Anti-Christ (Aka Obama if you are the type of person to send this email) is that evil.
Each time this email is forwarded a penny goes to People Approving Rubbish and Crud (PARC). (That's Crap spelled backwards), an organization dedicated to the continuation of mushy, sappy, guilt-inducing, irritating email forwards and other important causes.
If this is not enough incentive for you to forward this email to everyone you know please consider the case of the woman who neglected to do so and later that night had her finger cut off by a thug as part of a gang initiation.
On the other hand you should also consider the case of the woman who forwarded this email to everyone she knew and not ten seconds later her doorbell rang and it was the prize patrol, coming to give her a check for 10 billion dollars!!!!!
So don't take any chances. Start forwarding!
-someone who loves you

Ok, just a few points of clarification. No I have not received any annoying forwarded emails lately, but my family has and has had a hard time deciding what to do about them. So I decided to create an email for them to forward and thought that I would post it here in case any of you would like to read (or forward) it. If you just read the above email and were confused because you like getting or sending forwarded messages may I calmly suggest that you check out another blog. Something along the lines of angelsamongus.blogspot.com, iluvjesus.blogspot.com or rainbowsandpuppies.blogspot.com. Just a thought.
For the rest of you I would like to clarify that I in no way think that Barack Obama is the Anti-Christ. In fact, much to the chagrin of my mother, I voted for him in this last election. (Calm down, I have known for a long time that I am going to hell, so I'm not worried, and furthermore, I live in Utah. McCain got all of our votes anyway. Now Breathe)
And finally, if I have otherwise offended you with this post I apologize profusely. Though I do question how we have managed to be friends so far if you find this post offensive. I mean, this is pretty benign in comparison to some of my other opinions (such as my hatred for certain LDS hymns *cough Kolob cough*) Like I said, I know I am going to be a long while in purgatory for some of these opinions. But at least I will be among friends:)

Various Items of Business

2008-10-24T12:49:00.002-06:00

I have no time for this but I feel the need to update my blog anyway. LAME! So we will keep this short and simple just to let you know I am alive and what I am working on.

I tried to change the template to my blog. Bad idea. Not only do I not have time to go messing with this but I also neglected to save the original template so some of the stuff was lost. Sorry for the inconvenience.
I am shamelessly soliciting favors. So if anyone finds a nice three column blog template that I can use please let me know. I was thinking red would be nice, since green is getting a bit boring. Oooh or maybe somebody can create a template that automatically changes colors everyday. That would be cool. (And if it printed coupons for free ice cream...)
I am also looking for an internship in health education to take place this summer. I would like to go out of the country and not go broke in the process. I speak enough spanish to get by so latin American countries are in, as well as Africa. If you all could get on that, that would significantly reduce my stress levels. I need 400 hours, I already have a passport, and it has to be in community health education. Please report back to me by December. Thank you.
I am running out of creativity. As evidenced by the boringness of this post I have nothing funny to say, or even interesting about my own life. It is all work and school and its true what they say about those things making you a dull person. Once again, sorry for the inconvenience. (Maybe they should put that on my grave when I keel over)
Despite high levels of stress I am indeed coping ok and I don't think you will need to start engraving the headstone any time soon. Unless you can't find me an internship and then you had better start working on your own. Wait...I mean...uh, keep up the good work! Go team!
I have not been asked any questions lately, at least not directly, but that may not be such a bad thing, seeing as how I really don't have time to answer them. But a while back one of my teachers used the term "rule of thumb" and then asked nobody in particular where that phrase came from. Well, for your learning and edification I found the answer. There are two really, but one is far more entertaining than the other. The legend is that it came from a judge in England way back when who regulated that a man could legally beat his wife with a stick as long as said stick was no larger than the circumference of his thumb. Hence, the rule of thumb.
The second (and more likely, since no such law has ever been found in the records) story is that people have always used body parts to measure things, the thumb being one of them. Incidentally, this is why we Americans have such an odd way of measuring things. We never adopted the metric system because even though it is orderly it doesn't rely on comparisons of things we understand the way our system does. Sure there are 1,000 milliliters in a liter (man, I really hope thats right and doesn't expose me as an ignorant American), but how many thumbs are there? (Hopefully none as that would violate health codes. Gross)
Here is a question for all of you. How do we forget things? I mean, I understand how, but when we have a memory and then we "lose" it, where does it go? It's not like it physically leaves our brains. Is it just like our bedrooms where certain items get misplaced and fall behind the bed and sit there for years collecting dust until we clean things out and find it again? Or is it more like socks in the dryer that don't get misplaced but are sucked into a vortex into another time and place? (We all know this is true and are just waiting for science to catch up. Too bad they are so hung up on the whole evolution thing instead. I am much more interested in finding the land of many socks, myself) Your thoughts will be appreciated. (Until I forget them...)
Vote. Yes, that is important and it is coming up in two weeks. You can actually participate in early voting as well that has already begun in most places.
DON'T VOTE FOR... ha, just kidding. I am not the media so I will assume you all have brains and can use them to determine which candidates are best. Just remember that "if you don't vote you're a moron."
Somebody should offer a course in shorthand. That would be so unbelievably useful.
Also, after you have finished all those tasks, if you could start a petition to rid the world of daylight savings time that would be great. I would be the first to sign it.
Ok. Well, thats about all from me. Thanks for listening and I am looking forward to your contributions, especially finding that internship. Have a lovely day.

Mmmm Tasty

2008-09-30T20:51:00.002-06:00

So I have always known that college students don't really have the best diets. They don't talk about the "freshman 15" (or 20 as the case may be) for nothing. But there is one thing I was surprised to see a college student eating on his way to class one morning: Ramen noodles. I know what you're thinking. Um Linds, do you really go to college? Does the reason you don't have a degree yet have anything to do with your inability to see the obvious? (Well, actually, I do have a problem with seeing the obvious but that is beside the point.) No, Ramen noodles are not an unusual site on college campuses (I very nearly tried to pluralize that as campusii... there's another sign I've been here too long). No, I even enjoy the occasional Ramen noodles myself. I just like to COOK mine before eating them!!!! (At least in public). So I had to do a double take when I passed a kid who was eating a package of ramen noodles straight from the bag on his way to class. It was the funniest thing I have seen all week and I find humor in everything! Had I been thinking clearly I would have asked him if he needed a can opener for the cold spaghettios he probably had in his backpack. That's ok, I don't eat death in a can myself, especially not cold, (sorry if you actually like spaghettios) so I wouldn't have had a can opener anyway.
Anyway, it was the most random and surprising discovery I have made in awhile because I honestly had no idea people still ate raw ramen noodles after puberty, and had certainly never seen it done in public. To each his own I guess. Bon appetite!

Super Quick Tag

2008-09-28T16:58:00.003-06:00

Sooooo... I have been"tagged." And while I contemplated ignoring the tag because I really think it is going to be boring for everyone to read, I decided that if I had attempted to do that on the playground in elementary school I would have quickly run out of friends. And I would like to avoid that at this point.
However, I am really short on time and not very creative so while I am attempting to answer the 8 is great tag if I can't think of 8 things I am just going to do the mathematically impossible and say that there are 8 even if you cant see them. I'm sorry but I think if mathematicians can tell you that you have two apples and then multiply them by zero and take away your apples so you have none and say that that makes sense, then I can make up my own numbering system and pretend that it all adds up to 8. Also, brownie points to anyone who can explain the zero times anything is zero concept in plain english to me. Ive been working on it since third grade and it still makes NO sense!
All right, here we go
8 things I am passionate about:
1. My family
2. Learning anything and everything I can
3. Africa (actually, seeing the whole world in general)
4. The Gospel
5. Solving world problems (not that I have done that...)
6. Education (my own, but especially to people who have none)
7. Health/Medicine/The Human body
8. Understanding the world in which I live

8 Phrases I say a lot
1. LAME!!!
2. What the Lame?
3. Good grief/ good goodness
4. Soooooo
5. Surely
6. I know
And two that I would like to adopt but never do:
7. Love (calling people that, like "Thanks love")(But I have a fear that this would somehow come back and bite me in the butt and really embarass me. Like if I said it to a professor or something. Bad news)
8. Swear to Buddha (Same reason as above. I would likely offend the Dalai Lama or something)

8 Things I want to do before I die
Uh, how about just if I had all the time and money in the world instead?
1. Be a doctor
2. Hike the Subway in Zions National Park
3. Scuba dive
4. Learn more languages (really obscure ones too, like Shona, or Hmong)
5. Teach health in Africa
6. Understand Chemistry
7. Witness the death of Facebook
8. Be the host of Scientific American Frontiers (If anyone knows Alan Alda, please give him my number:)

8 Things I have learned from my past
1. Whatever experiences you have you can learn from
2. Eggs WILL explode in the microwave (please don't try this, I am already responsible for the deaths of too many microwaves and I promise it is true, and messy)
3. It rains on everybody in Seattle but there are still happy people there. In other words, we are ultimately responsible for our own happiness.
4. It is better to try to understand somebody than to just judge them (harder, but better)
5. Not deciding is not a decision (not a good one anyway)
6. You are the only one who holds yourself back from achieving whatever it is you want.
7. Even if people get away with a certain behavior all the time, you will get caught the one time you do it. Especially if you are a responsible person
8. God has a wicked sense of humor. Have you seen the platypus? But He also laughs with you, not at you.

8 Places I want to go
Well, we could just sum this up quickly and say the whole world, but...
1. Africa (Botswana especially)
2. The Seychelles
3. Christmas Island during the crab migration
4. Anywhere that I could see the Aurora Borealis
5. Spain
6. New York City
7. Afghanistan
8. India
8. Taiwan, Ecuador, The Canary Islands....

8 Things I currently need or want
1. Piano lessons
2. A laptop
3. Someone to do my homework for me
4. For daylight savings time to cease to exist
5. a mental floss T shirt
6. to be graduated
7. to be able to take my dog with me to school
8. for more people to believe in global warming (seriously, do we have to wait till our skin melts off our faces to believe it? Ok thats the subject for another post...)
Yeah, those are mostly wants.... but if you want to get me any of them my birthday is coming up.....

8 people I tag
Ok so apparently a lot more people read my blog than what I know about. So if you are one of them I tag you! Leave me a link in the comments and I will check out your blog:)
So there you have it. I now consider myself vaccinated against future tag outbreaks and hereby declare my immunity. I promise my next post will be more interesting (if you find rants about recycling interesting that is...)
Que thanks Bye!

Still Learning

2008-09-13T19:59:00.002-06:00

Hey so I wanted to post a video from Youtube here, but to do so I have to sign up for an account and remember yet another password, and quite frankly I just don't have the energy or patience for it. But if you have enough energy to look up the following video on Youtube and about 8 minutes of patience I promise you won't be disappointed. I rarely watch this show because its on so late but when I do I laugh hysterically. The accent doesn't hurt either. Anyway, check out the following video: Craig Ferguson, "If you don't vote, you're a moron"
You can also just follow this link if you don't have quite that much patience: http://www.misscellania.com/miss-cellania/2008/9/12/if-you-dont-vote-youre-a-moron.html
Enjoy!

shrtned wrds

2008-09-13T18:48:00.002-06:00

That's "shortened words" in the title, natch. (And if you didn't know, natch is short for naturally, of course!)
I got a question from Elise a while ago about a word that frequently popped up in her cross word puzzles. I had never heard it before and so was interested to learn about its meaning and background.
The word is "plaint" and I have a 'plaint of my own about it. Namely, it is not a word!!!! Its just a shortened word! Short for "complaint"! If only there were a customer service department for the English language I would be first in line to COMplain. (Notice I didn't say "plain" even though that is the shortened form of the word and it is now apparently acceptable to shorten words to your hearts content.)
RIDICULOUS!
Anyway, I was rather disappointed about this definition. Here i was all excited to see what new word I would learn and where it originated and all I get was this ghetto slang version of "complaint". Actually even ghetto slang is cooler than that. This was more like baby talk only not so cute because there wasn't a cute baby saying it. More like a crazy companion I had on the mission who spoke in baby talk every day despite the fact that she was 24!!!
Ok, I have calmed down. Happy thoughts. But all this did get me thinking. Sometimes I wish there were a customer service department for the English language. Though probably if there were it would be so busy that you would be put on hold for years at a time listening to a recording about the proper diagramming of sentences and the difference between your and you're (which really some of us could use a refresher course on...)
At any rate I know what my first order of business would be if there were a customer service department for English. And no it is not the shortening of words, though that would be on the list as well. My first order of business would be to ban the use of the word "impregnable."
Ugh, just writing it makes me cringe. I hate that word. I can't even explain why. Its just such a dumb, yucky, unnecessary word. Especially because it never refers to anything living (though truthfully I am glad of that as I would probably hate it even more if it did). People talk about a castle being impregnable. Well duh! Its made of rocks! I don't know what you were expecting here but basic biology could have probably enlightened you on this one had you let it penetrate your thick head, much like you are trying to penetrate the stupid castle. You know, the impenetrable one! Really, is the other word even necessary?
Another word I hate, but for different reasons, is pooch. Now quickly, what is the first thing that comes to mind when i use that word? It should be dog. That's what a pooch is. A small furry animal that brings joy or allergies into your life. Recently however some people have been using it to refer to the overdeveloped region around their abdomens. May I ask that you please refrain from doing so in my presence unless you happen to be holding a small dog near your middle? Because the name of the area you are referring to is called your gut. Beer belly, spare tire, muffin top, flab and love handles are also acceptable substitutions. Pooch is not.
I think this may have started because people were thinking it was a poofy area of the body but couldn't call it a poof because that word has a lighter connotation, like a cloud. And the gut, at least mine, is not poofy like a cloud:) They also couldn't use pouch, because kangaroos have those on their guts but not the rest of us (I hope!) So instead they decided to commandeer the word pooch and apply it to their flabby midsections. Not cool. The word is now ruined for me because even if somebody uses it to refer to a dog all I can think about is Uncle Joe's flabby midsection hanging over his pants. Gross.
So there is my rant for the day. Please feel free to share with me any words that you think really must go. Perhaps we can call customer service together and get them abolished. Right after we finish diagramming those sentences:)

This Post Rocks

2008-08-31T17:41:00.002-06:00

Or rather, this post is about rocks. More specifically about the entertainment value of rocks. You see, a while back Brittany asked me if I would know, theoretically what one would need to do if one wanted to paint rocks. And as luck would have it I do. And I have nothing more interesting to write about at this time. I guess I could write about starting school again but really all there is to say is that 18 credits is ALOT and that I will be done in the summer. So you get to hear about rocks.
For those of you who don't know, for my 20th birthday my roommates and I had a rock painting party where we painted phrases on rocks then secretly scattered them around campus. It turned out to be one of the most random and fun birthday parties I have ever had and walking around campus the next day seeing our handiwork and people's reactions was even more awesome. ("Dude, its another one of those rocks!") Most of them were picked up after a day or two but the next spring walking past the library I saw an orange one that had been overlooked after the first snow and lasted the winter.
I had never given much thought to painting rocks or how random it might be, but since that time, painted rocks have been a recurring theme in my life so I thought I would share a few stories with you.
My first memory of painting rocks comes from primary where our teachers had us paint prayer rocks. The idea was to put the rock under your pillow (or so I thought) so that when you went to bed you would feel the rock underneath and remember to say your prayers. In actuality the idea was probably to put the rock on top of your pillow so that you would see it and remember to say your prayers. This turned out to be an unfortunate mix up as the rock that I painted was roughly the size of a football and significantly heavier. Contrary to what I thought, the rock would not just feel slightly uncomfortable under your pillow but would in fact inflict serious pain to your skull if you had forgotten it was there. Which I did. And nearly gave myself a concussion one night as I dove into bed. I don't remember what happened to that rock (actually there are a lot of things about that time that I don't remember....) but it never did find its way under my pillow again.
You might think that painting rocks would be a sort of juvenile activity and I would probably have agreed with you. So I was surprised to find myself painting rocks once again on my mission in Seattle, at the request of the ward mission leader. He wanted us to give out "reference rocks" (not reverence rocks) to the families in our branch. The idea was to gather some big heavy rocks, paint them hideously and give them to members with the instruction that the only way to rid themselves of said rocks was to give the missionaries a reference of somebody we could teach. I was a little surprised but very glad that I had all the necessary skills for painting rocks.
First we gathered them, and don't worry we did that in full missionary gear- three sisters in skirts and dress shoes lugging rocks into the back of a Toyota Corolla. Then we lugged them up the stairs into our apartment. Well, actually we just tried to do that but we were laughing so hard that we had to stop halfway up and our Russian speaking neighbor who probably thought that we were crazy anyway had to help us drag them up the rest of the way. It was one of those times that I really really wished that I spoke Russian. (Though at the same time I am not really sure there would have been a satisfactory explanation anyway.) Once we were safely in our apartment, with the 75 pound box of rocks we proceeded to wash them in the bathtub with old toothbrushes and then to lay them out on the tiny balcony to dry.
Next came the painting part which we did with spray paint. Construction Cone Orange spray paint. It was about the ugliest color we could think of and made for some pretty hideous rocks. We used magic marker to write "Reference Rock" on them along with a scripture reference and proceeded to give them out to the members.
I ended my mission a few weeks later so I never saw any of the rocks come back with references but always assumed the best had happened. Though upon further reflection I realize that orange may not have been the ugliest color we could have come up with. In fact, a lot of hispanic people really like bright colors, including orange, so the rocks we thought were so hideous may not have had universal Un-appeal. They may even have made great decorative prayer rocks:)
So there you go. Everything I know about painting rocks. You can also use regular craft paint and the best rocks to paint are smooth flat ones. And you can get pretty creative with the messages. Heck you could even set them on the steps of Old Main to propose to your girlfriend:)
Incidentally, since I have become an expert in this medium I have decided to move on to other art forms so if anyone hears of any glass blowing classes please let me know:)

Home Again

2008-08-19T13:52:00.006-06:00

So (do you think I can ever start a post without using the word "so"?) I just got back from vacation and it was lots of fun. Three days in Seattle, five in Island Park, and lots of driving in between. But it was worth it. And since I don't want to bore you with all the details I thought I would post a few pics instead.

This is me in front of Pike's Place Market, possibly the most famous place in Seattle after the Space Needle, which is far less cool and more expensive. The market is free until you spend all your money on the cool stuff they have for sale there.

This is me at the Seattle Aquarium, which if I let myself I could turn into another exorbitantly long post. So I will just say that it is a very cool aquarium and yes I am allowed to touch the spiny thing whose name I have temporarily forgotten. They actually encourage it. If you stick your finger between the spines they close up on you and it gives you a "hug." We also got to see them feed the giant octupus but that was about the time that my camera batteries died, so these are pretty much all the pictures you get. Lucky for me I get the memories:)

You Speak-a English? Or: The Longest Post In All The Land

2008-08-06T12:59:00.002-06:00

Due to the long nature of this post I have taken the liberty of shrinking the font size. My apologies to those who must now squint to read this.
At the beginning of the week I put up the following poll question:
Which of the following phrases have I *not* misunderstood at one point or another? The options were
A) To make ends meet
B) Lbs
C) Layman's terms, and
D) Sealing wax.
I then closed the polls two days later. Now, usually I am not so on top of things and will look for any excuse to delay updating my blog, if only to prevent myself from establishing a pattern of when I post because I don't want to be held to a regular schedule (see 101 reasons post below). However, I am leaving for vacation tomorrow morning and won't be back till the 17th-ish (another example of a lack of commitment on my part). I am going to Seattle for a few days, then to island park after that but don't distract me from the point here, which is that I won't be posting for a good week and a half. So I thought I would leave you with this extra long post to keep you entertained while I am out.
Well now, shall we examine the poll question?
The first of the phrases I HAVE misunderstood is "to make ends meet." Sadly, it was only recently that I learned it was "meet" as in come together, not "meat" as in food. Thinking all this time that the phrase was "end's meat" and knowing that it meant just barely scraping by, I logistically determined that the ends of the meat must be the worst part that you would not ordinarily consume. Therefore, if you are having to make "ends meat" you are not doing well and would much rather be making pot roast. Interestingly enough, the fact that I had never come across a recipe for "ends meat" did not stop me from believing that this was the true meaning of the phrase.
Ok, now that you are done rolling on the floor with laughter, lets move on to the the next phrase that I HAVE misunderstood, which is LBS. (You may want to take a bathroom break before continuing reading.)
I have a very specific memory of when I determined the meaning of that strange abbreviation on the butter container. I was sitting in a car parking lot as a child while my mom was loading the groceries and as I looked at the butter I determined that it must mean lillibeaters. Like millimeters only bigger. Never mind the fact that there was no lillibeater measuring cup to be found anywhere on earth, I had made sense of the abbreviation and it stuck. I don't remember when I learned that lillibeaters don't actually exist and that LBS stands for pounds (now really, who decided that pounds had an L in it?!) but I do remember when my younger brother learned it. He had taken a far more logical approach to LB and determined that since he often saw it on bags of candy it MUST stand for Large Bag. So you could go to the store and ask for one Large Bag of Skittles and they would know exactly what you were talking about. At least I am not the only one in my family.
Now, the next phrase that I misunderstood was sealing wax. This really shouldn't have happened because I remember watching The Scarlet Pimpernel as a kid and seeing the man SEAL the backs of envelopes with red WAX. Foregone conclusion, right? Except that I also have a distinct memory of watching Puff the Magic Dragon and his friend Jackie Paper packing their bags with shoes and ships and CEILING WAX. Seriously they have a bottle with "ceiling wax" written on it, I swear. I would verify this by watching the show again but I'm pretty sure we don't have it anymore. Anyway, I remember being confused as to what one might do with ceiling wax but figured there must be a good use for it somewhere, and never having sealed a letter with wax myself it took many years for me to get this straightened out in my mind. I guess this is what happens when you watch too much TV.
So, the only phrase that I have never misunderstood is Layman's terms. I would pat myself on the back for this but the only reason I never misunderstood it is because I had never heard it until a high school English class. The teacher was going over funny mistakes that people had made in various term papers and one that he found entertaining was a student who had thought it was "Laman's Terms." As in whiny brother of Nephi. Yeah, that Laman. In all likelihood I would have probably made the same mistake later in life had this not been the first time I had ever heard the phrase. So if you all know of any other random expressions that you think I may not really understand please let me know before I start writing about why you would need to rotate your tires if all they do all day is rotate. (My cousin actually takes credit for that one. She thought that rotating your tires involved jacking the car up and spinning the wheels. Just in case you thought so too, it actually involves taking the tires off and moving them to different positions:)
And don't think for one second that I am done with this post. I told you it would be the longest post ever and I meant it. (Why is it so hard to write this much for term papers?) So, you may want to take a lunch break before continuing.
Ready? Ok, the reason that I thought about these misunderstandings is because of a question that Rhonda posed about the English language. Specifically she wanted to know why it breaks so many rules. Like why don't "hanger" and "danger" rhyme?
Well, lets just say that as I was researching the answers to these questions (and it was very scientific I'll have you know. I was working with the esteemed Dr. Google :) I came across enough information to write a doctoral thesis or sixty. But as we all know, I am far too lazy to do such a thing and am content with the idea that maybe someday a University somewhere will award me an honorary doctorate degree. Hey, at this point I would settle for an honorary bachelor's degree.
So, here is what I learned.
The English language as we know it began in the 500s AD when three groups of people invaded what is now known as England. They were the Angles, the Saxons, and the Jutes. They came from Germany and Denmark and pushed the Celt speaking natives of England (would they be called native englicans?) into present day Scotland, Ireland and Wales. The invaders all spoke Germanic type languages that eventually sort of meshed together into what is known as Old English and which doesn't look anything like modern day English.
That went ok for awhile till William the conqueror, you guessed it, conquered England. His army was composed of Normans who hailed from Normania. Just kidding, they were from France. So then French got mixed in with the Germanic stuff and turned into Middle English, which is what Frodo and his hairy-toed posse speak when not chilling with the elves. Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.
In about 1500 something called "The Great Vowel Shift" started (seriously, that's what its called) and people started pronouncing vowels shorter and shorter. This is similar to what happened to the traditional English greeting which started out as "Hello" and rapidly deteriorated into a seizure like upward jerk of the head, sometimes accompanied by the monosyllabic "sup". (You have no idea how happy it makes me to use the word monosyllabic:)
Anyway, all this coincided with the Renaissance and the invention of the printing press which pretty much finalized English into what it is today. Obviously it is still changing with new words being invented as technology requires and also borrowing from other languages. (You'll notice we use the Japanese word sushi instead of making up one of our own, like barfy fish paste)
So all this would explain some of the confusion involved in a language that started as German, meshed with french, got gansterized and globalized and regionalized. (Y'all want some chitlins with those shrimps on the barbie? They're chillin in the boot of the lorry)
Also, as far as grammar rules go it turns out that some dork applied Latin grammar rules to English long ago, despite the fact that English is Germanic. This is what accounts for the stupid don't-end-a-sentence-with-a- preposition rule that nobody actually follows up with. Ha.
Oh, and as for the hanger/danger thing it is because danger is of Latin origin and as far as I can tell hanger is of French origin (at least, hangar is, so we'll assume hanger is too) that probably accounts for their lack of rhyming.
Gruesome side note: the expression "hanging out" stems from the practice of public hangings being a recreational activity people used to enjoy.
So. There you have it. The longest post in the history of the English language. Or maybe on the history of the English language. And now that I have answered that and stated that I still like nuts and nuts like me (Lacey) I have only one more "theoretical" question to answer involving the painting of rocks before I run out of questions. Which gets me off the hook post-wise, and which I am ok with. So send some more or don't. But definitely don't ask me how I have managed to function so far in my life because that would be the shortest post ever. I have no stinkin idea.

Yay for Yeast

2008-08-01T13:48:00.003-06:00

I have officially closed the polls and the answer to the question about yeast is (drumroll please)
TRUE! Yeast is a tiny organism that lives just about anywhere and is especially prolific in the fall and spring, making those the ideal times for "harvesting." And all this time I thought it came from the store. Actually, truth be told I had never thought about it until I read a book in which the author mentioned that he had made bread from yeast he harvested himself. Say What?!?That made me do a double take and I did a little research. Turns out that yeast can be captured from the air by mixing up some flour, water, and sugar in a glass bowl and leaving it out for awhile. Then you have to keep feeding the yeast every day with more of the mixture until the yeast causes the mix to approximately double in size. Then you can do one of a few things 1) add it to your bread dough mix and get a tasty sourdough 2) keep it in your fridge and feed it once a week to keep it active for use in the future 3) fail miserably at the above experiment and resign yourself to dumping the sour smelling mixture down the drain. Theoretically speaking of course :)
There are several reasons for harvesting your own yeast including saving money (though flour and sugar aint all that cheap), the satisfaction of doing it yourself, using what is available, and of course, just to see if you can. But the main reason is that there are different kinds of yeast in different areas. So Utah yeast will lend a different flavor to your bread than say, Louisanna yeast, or California yeast. Or even Southern Utah yeast. Imagine the possibilities : German yeast and African yeast and Brazilian yeast! Oh my!
All of this is of course assuming you have the equivalent of a yeasty green thumb (that just sounds gross), which I have a sneaking suspicion I don't. I guess I am consigned to go on believing that yeast comes from a store and buying mine there. But that doesn't mean that you have to! If you want to try this little experiment just google "grow your own yeast" and get started. (I hereby absolve myself of any responsibility for failure of this experiment and will not reimburse you any flour or sugar should your experiment fail. I will however gladly eat your bread and take tips on how to be a successful yeast harvester) Yay for Yeast!

Pictures! Well, Just a Tiny One

2008-07-28T14:12:00.002-06:00

Soooo if you look to your right you will notice that I learned a new trick. This photo is posted for your viewing pleasure. You will probably notice that said photo is practically microscopic. I don't know why. I tried several different ways of blowing up the photo, which is ironic when you think about it because really, who wants a picture of themself BLOWN UP? I mean, unless you mean with dynamite which is a different story all together. Anyway, the actual photo is of normal proportions but I have not been able to figure out how to get it that way on the blog. I am currently taking suggestions. In the meantime you will have to make do with a magnifying glass if you really want to see the picture.

Ooops

2008-07-25T18:39:00.002-06:00

No I was not purposely disabling the comments feature on my blog so as not to have to answer any questions. Though that would have been sheer genius. Nope, I'm afraid it goes back to the walrus issue. But I think I have fixed it now so give it a whirl and let me know if it doesn't work. Oh wait, you can't..... well, then if I don't have any comments in the next few days I will know this walrus didn't learn her trick and I will try it again.
Also, Lacey, if you read this, I need your email address.

Why its asklinds

2008-07-25T15:55:00.002-06:00

Ok
So now that we have overcome some of my worries and issues about having a blog, it is time to explain the reason for this blog, or at least it's name. When my friends pressured me into creating this blog my first protest was that I have nothing to write about. They disagreed, and pointed out all the questions I had answered for them over the years. Why not call the blog asklinds and dedicate it to answering questions? My friends are geniuses and in their suggestion unknowingly provided a loophole: If there are no questions, I don't have to write anything! MWAAAHAHAHA!!!! So, if you have no questions its no sweat off my back. And if you do have questions, I reserve the right to make something up that sounds plausible to me. Sound good? Let the questions begin! (or not. I'm fine either way)

2008-07-25T14:14:00.006-06:00

101 reasons I don't want a blog
(OK, maybe slightly less)

1) I am about as technologically savvy as a walrus. Seriously, picture a walrus tapping away at a computer with his giant tusks and that is about as good as I get. I am not sure that I am going to be able to keep up with all the technology required for this little project. (you'll notice there are no pictures on this blog yet. Again, think of the walrus...)

2) Blogs have to be updated consistently which means that I have to have some sort of schedule. I hate schedules. I fear the commitment they require. What if I can't meet the obligation? How long do I have to keep this up? Do I see myself still writing on a blog in 2012? 2020?I am practically having a panic attack as we speak.

3) I am boring. I know my friends are nice and tell me that I am not, but I know the truth. And I am ok with being boring, as long as its by myself. I don't really want to drag other people into my boringness, which is what opening a blog can do. So here's an advance warning: Proceed with caution! Boringness Ahead.

4) Blogs are for married people. I know, I know, this isn't really true, but married people have a definite advantage in the blog world because if their own life is boring they have an automatic out by writing about their spouse. I on the other hand have a dog. And his life is even less exciting than mine. So if you see any posts about Toby, know that he is my dog, not my spouse, and that my life must be extra boring at that time.

5) When my mom wanted to start her own blog I told her that blogs were lame and basically refused to help her start one. Creating this one means that I have to suck it up and eat my words, just like I did about the extra pair of shoes she made me take on my mission and that turned out to be lifesavers, thus proving that even as an adult she still knows whats best for me.

6) Blogs are permanent. Like tattoos, crack, and cell phones, only the latter of which I have. Sure, you can go back to life without-fill in the blank from list above- but it is whomping hard! I didn't have a cell phone for many many years and my life was full and happy. Then I caved to peer pressure (see next reason) and now I can never go back. Once you have a blog, that's it.

7) I hate caving to peer pressure. Which is what I am doing by creating this blog. Lame friends. Next thing you know, I will be getting a lame facebook account!

8) Blogs are a false sense of communication. You could go forever without actually talking to a friend and still feel like you are keeping in touch. Which in a sense you are, but on the other hand is it really communication if there is no verbal contact? Then again, how good am I at keeping in touch with people as it is? Don't answer that. I know I suck.

9) Blogs can make people weird. Or in my case, just expose the weirdness that is already there. You see, a blog is like a journal, right? And what do you put in your journal? Things that are embarrassing. Not necessarily embarrassing in nature, so much as embarrassing to think about anybody reading them. Do I really want the whole wide web world to know about my random thoughts? Do I even want my friends to know about all my random thoughts?

So why, you might ask, am I writing about not wanting a blog, on a blog that I KNOWINGLY AND INTENTIONALLY CREATED!?!
Because even a walrus can learn tricks. (If you don't believe it check out the walrus dancing to Michael Jackson on you tube!)
Because friends require commitment and I am not afraid of them.
Because if my boringness can serve to entertain someone else, why not go for it?
Because someday I may be married. And my husband had better be more interesting than my dog.
Because my mom is forgiving and I have eaten my words before and survived.
Because there is a convenient little feature on this blog called "delete"
Because sometimes my friends have good ideas and pressure me for my own good. Sometimes!
Because even false communication is better than no communication. Right?
Because everybody already knows how weird I am anyway. What have I got to lose?

So, without further adieu, I give you asklinds.